- "Therapist Reacts Raw"!
In these raw reacts videos, I have no idea.
I'm flying blind. I don't know what I'm gonna react to.
My producer just pulls something up
that they want me to respond to.
I have zero prep time,
but I'm gonna bring all of my psychological
and relationship counseling prowess,
if I have any prowess,
to the forefront here.
Nate and Cassie argue from "Euphoria".
I've never watched "Euphoria".
I know that it's about teenagers and drugs, I think.
And it stars Zendaya. That's about all I know.
So here we go! Let's do this.
(upbeat music)
- But I didn't know you're gonna get together with her.
- [Nate] How many times do I have to tell you
that we're not back together?
- [Cassie] Right, you just hung out and talked about love.
- Oh, Jesus (beep) Christ.
- If I would've known you were gonna get back together,
I wouldn't have done this.
- [Nate] That's a lie!
- It's not a lie.
- So they hooked up?
- You have this image of yourself
as so (beep) sweet and innocent.
But it's bull(beep).
If you were a (beep) sweet person,
you wouldn't have (beep) your best friend's boyfriend.
- Whoa.
What about taking- - You two were broken up.
- [Nate] That is a comfort to nobody but you.
- [Cassie] I can't do this.
- Wow, so I don't have any context for this,
but I can tell you that he is not taking ownership
for anything.
Anything!
This is what is known as gaslighting.
Gaslighting is when you make someone
question their own perception,
their own thinking, their own behavior
and positioning yourself as the only source
of wisdom and truth.
He is completely railroading her
and telling her that her decisions are wrong.
That her behavior is deplorable.
And he is calling her out for being a hypocrite,
but he's not even looking at himself.
Because from what I'm gaining here,
they're in a bedroom together in their underwear.
Something happened here, but it's apparently her fault?
Fans of the show, what can you tell me?
What's going on here?
Am I right in seeing him as gaslighting her?
Am I right in seeing him
as just laying the blame at her feet
so he can get off scot-free?
Or is he not trying to get off scot-free?
Is he just trying to say,
"Hey, I'm a terrible person, but so are you.
Stop pretending that you're not"?
Either way, not the best guy.
Looks good in those little white underpants, though.
So he's got something going for him.
- [Cassie] I can't do this.
- He's wearing calf socks though.
Come on, man.
- You wanna go tell Maddy?
- Maybe I will.
- You're afraid that I'm still in love with Maddy,
so you're gonna do whatever the (beep) it takes
to destroy that.
This isn't about being a (beep) good person, Cassie,
or being a (beep) good friend.
This is about you getting what you want.
(Jonathan sighs)
- But he doesn't want her to tell Maddy?
Because he wants that relationship to have a chance,
even though he's screwing her?
He's screwing Cassie.
And he wants to have it both ways.
Like, what is this guy's deal?
Good for Cassie, though.
Like Cassie's having some light bulb moments
then she's taking action.
And she's saying, "I'm not gonna be this person.
This isn't who I am."
And she's gonna stand up to him,
even though he's just gonna keep pushing back
and fighting against her.
It seems like, at least at this point,
she's not gonna roll over and die.
And when we make mistakes, when we hurt the people we love,
or we do things unintentionally that cause harm
taking ownership, even if it's gonna be scary,
is the right course of action.
And we may burn bridges.
People may not like what we've done.
And we might think it is better to lie,
but it's better to tell the truth
in almost every circumstance.
- [Nate] You can (beep) leave or you can get into bed.
It's up to you.
(Jonathan laughs)
- He's a real sweetheart. (laughs)
You can leave. We can have sex.
It's all the same to me.
This is how you romance a woman, right?
This is how you show her how much she means to you.
And a pickup a artist would say, "Yeah.
If you are verbally abusive
and if you act like she doesn't mean anything
and you don't care,
then she might wanna prove to you
just how great she is in bed
or prove to you just how great a person she is
and how you'd be miserable without her
and it'll make her want you more."
And if that's what's going on here, like, ick!
Ugh!
Here's how you win at the game.
Don't play the game. Get out of the game.
- [Cassie] You know what you don't realize, Nate?
- That ankle socks are in?
- Is I don't care what happens to me.
I don't care how angry Maddy gets.
You two shouldn't be together. You're toxic.
- Ooh! - How would you know?
- Because she's my best friend,
and I'm in a relationship with you!
She's not good for you, you are not good for her,
and I will do everything I can to prevent it.
- He does ask a valid question though.
What's her motive?
Is her motive so that does she want to be with him?
Or is her motive as pure as she's making it out to be?
Just 'cause he's an asshole
doesn't mean he doesn't raise valid points.
But what do I know?
I've never watched this show. I'm just reading the scene.
- Maddy, that's literally (beep) insane.
Madd-- Cassie, I- - See?
This is what I'm talking about!
- I said Maddy because we're talking about
how (beep) crazy Maddy is,
which you can't seem to (beep) comprehend.
- No, what you don't understand, Nate, is I am crazier!
- [Nate] That's not something to be (beep) proud of, Cassie!
- No.
But it is something you should be scared of.
(Jonathan laughing)
- What the (beep)?
(beep) You can't (beep) blackmail me
into a relationship with you.
- Blackmail means you don't have choices.
But in reality, you do have choices.
You just have to own up to the consequences of them!
- [Nate] That is the literal-
- That's true. That's actually true.
- Definition of blackmail!
If you don't do this, I'm gonna do that!
It's blackmail! - Fine, it's blackmail!
I don't care! It doesn't change anything!
- [Nate] It's (beep) up!
- You know, what's (beep) up, Nate?
You telling me that you love me,
and then going and being in a relationship
with my best friend!
- That's true.
- What the (beep)! What the (beep) is wrong with you?
What the (beep) is wrong with you?
- So here we see Nate. (laughs)
Listen, Nate can't control this situation.
He's tried to control the situation.
It's not going his way.
So he's going off now trying to intimidate
with rage and with anger.
And again, "What is wrong with you?"
Not once...
See, here's what I like about Cassie.
She's debatably as toxic as Nate, but for different reasons.
But at least she owns her stuff.
Nate will do everything to deflect it elsewhere
and to assure the outcome that he wants.
She's right when she says he's toxic.
What I don't understand
is why she would want to be with him.
Like, it's better to be alone
than to be with someone who treats you like this.
You know what I watched growing up?
"Family Matters".
"Family Matters", and "Full House", and "Step By Step".
And they were cheesy as hell
and they weren't based in reality.
But I got news for you. Neither is this.
And if this is your reality, come see someone like me.
'Cause this isn't how it should be.
This could be so much better.
- Okay.
Bye.
(Nate sighs)
- [Nate] Cassie, stop.
- Oh, now he's nice.
- [Nate] I love you.
(Jonathan laughing)
- It's a ploy. And she knows it.
It didn't work. So he hits the wall.
Ick!
I feel like I wanna take a shower.
So here's the thing about toxic relationships.
If you're paying attention at all,
you'll see that they're toxic,
but you need to know what a healthy one looks like.
Then it really just stands out.
In a healthy relationship, your behavior is your own.
Your choices are your own.
They're not the responsibility of somebody else.
In a healthy relationship,
one isn't looking to lay everything
at another person's feet,
get them to question their own sanity,
get them to question their own judgment
in order to get away with what everyone wants to do.
In a healthy relationship, there aren't secrets,
there aren't lies, and boundaries respected.
Now, on another show or in another life,
this could be a nice little polyamorous relationship
with the three of them.
And if they're all into that and that's what they like,
then there are boundaries and rules
that they could all agree on and everyone could be happy.
But since we're going for traditional monogamy,
which I get, I'm a monogamous myself,
then you stay true to your partner.
You don't go screwing around with somebody else.
And if you do, at least have the decency to own it.
This Nate is an infantile, rage-filled man-boy
who's deeply insecure.
Are calf socks back in?
'Cause I can't keep track of this.
I used to think calf socks were in.
People teased me and they said ankle socks are in.
So I switch to ankle socks.
Are we back to calf socks,
or is Nate just that big of a douche
that he doesn't care anymore?
That he'll just do whatever he wants.
I don't know.
Now if you wanna see
what healthy conflict resolution looks like
and taking ownership and accountability,
you're gonna want to check out this two parter
between myself and Bob Bordone.
One here on Mended Light, the other on his channel,
where we talk about "Ted Lasso",
where we have two similarly toxic characters
who actually arrive at a very healthy, beautiful place.
Check that out right here.
If you suspect that you are in a toxic relationship,
get some help.
Therapists on the Mended Light are standing by
to do a complimentary 15-minute consultation with you.
Link is in the description.
What would you like me to react to in the future?
What television show or video game or music video
should I digest here and look at through the lens
of psychology and relationship counseling?
Let me know when the comments below.
As always like, subscribe, click the bell,
tell your friends, and keep shining
because we need your light.
I'm Jonathan Decker with Mended Light
and I'll see you next time.
(upbeat music)
And here's the video,
the "Ted Lasso" one I was telling you about.
You're gonna click on it, aren't you? Aren't you?
What is wrong with you?