- If you wanna see your future, just look at your butt.
- Let's talk about that.
(upbeat music)
(flames roaring)
- Good Mythical Morning.
- Mythical Beasts, your questions are like crystal balls,
and we're like the lady dressed entirely in scarves
that you pay to lie to you about what she sees in them.
- We asked you to ask us questions about graduation,
and you came through for us.
- Yes you did!
- Including Alexandra Brown, who asks,
"What do you do if you don't know what to do with your life
after you graduate?"
- Well, Alexandra, you know,
you could take some steps to plan for your future,
to, you know, get ready for the things that might come,
or you could just use some ancient methods
to figure out what your future holds!
That's what we're gonna do today.
Let's Get Weird With It! Predicting the Future.
- Okay, we're gonna rifle through many interesting
and exotic ways to prestidigitate,
and I think that's correct.
- Wow. What a word, Link.
- But you know what?
Let's start off with the tried and true method,
palm reading.
(mystical music)
Okay, I said tried and true,
but maybe I just meant tried.
And we're gonna try it right now.
Rhett, throw your hand up there.
Now, typically, on every hand there's a head line,
there's a heart line,
and we're gonna put the picture up here
so you can see a reference of Rhett's hand.
There is a life line, and there's a fate line,
but I'm gonna skip right here to your fate line,
which starts down here, but when it hits the head line,
it then disappears,
and then comes back on the other side of the heart line.
- What does that mean, now?
- What that means is that, at the age of 40,
your life is gonna take a nosedive,
and then when it reappears,
that means like around age 55 or later,
you have a chance to turn it around.
- Interestingly, I am thinking about
opening up a putt-putt place,
and I was gonna start at age 40.
- What's special about the putt-putt place?
- It's one, A, there's no balls and there's no holes.
So just remove what you typically think
about putt-putt. - And there's no
chance of success.
- It's one hole.
It's more like just a path.
It's like a long path, because,
what's the point of putt-putt?
It's a first date.
So it's just a long, green, it's a park.
- So basically the whole time
you're just looking for the one hole.
- But it's called the Putt-Putt Palace
because there's romance around that.
And there's cool things to walk through
and there's like little houses and stuff
that you see at putt-putt.
- Don't do it!
- Putt-Putt Palace.
- Until you're 55.
- 15 year plan.
- All right, take a look at me.
- Okay, well, the first thing I notice about your hand is
strikingly and scarily,
you don't have any freaking lines on your hand, man!
Look at that compared to mine.
Like, it's like you were just minted.
It's like you're a synthetic person.
- Well, I've been told- - Or you could be a clone.
- I've been told- - And there's never been
better evidence that,
do you like buff your palms regularly?
- Oh yeah, I buff 'em every morning.
- You're a palm buffer!
- I'm a palm buffer.
- Okay, lemme see it,
'cause I can still see some stuff.
- Come on, man, give me a future, baby.
Give me some fate.
- You don't have a fate line.
You're missing a fate line.
Your future is wide open.
But your...
- That's the positive way
of looking at it. - Your life line, though,
does have a break in it,
which indicates a very big change coming in your life.
You gonna join me with the Putt-Putt Palace?
Because I was thinking that we'd go in on this together.
Now I've spilled the beans.
- Now that I know that it's not gonna work? Absolutely.
- And the fact that it's very light and shallow
also indicates that you're easily manipulated.
- Well tell me more about it.
(Rhett guffaws)
- Yeah, think. - I am a palm buffer.
- Lemme just pitch it again.
- Could you use a palm buffer at your putt-putt place?
- Yeah, you can be the palm buffer,
but it's just a path.
It's Putt-Putt Palace, you come in with expectations,
you bring your significant other,
we charge no money, we just take donations.
- That's cool, that's a good idea.
- And you walk the path.
- Can I just go around and buff palms?
- You can buff anything you want, man.
- Oh, okay.
All right, I'll be there.
And now my future is set.
- All right.
(mystical music)
Okay, next up is bibliomancy,
and this is the art of telling the future using books.
Here's how it works. - Sounds smart.
- You just take a book,
you ask a question,
you take a book of significance to you,
you open it up, you let it open where it may,
and then you close your eyes
and you put your finger on some text,
and you read that, and that's your answer, so,
Link, what's your question and what's your book?
- I have chosen J double-R Tolkien's
"The Fellowship of the Ring,"
featuring the Sock Taker on the cover.
- [Rhett] The Sock Warlock.
- The Sock Warlock.
All right, so, I gotta ask my question first.
- The book has to know the question.
- Oh, book of awesomeness, I want to know,
what's gonna happen with this brewing zit I have?
I can feel it under here.
You can't see it, but it's one of those zits that,
it's deep, and like if I touch here, it kinda hurts.
- It's like magma getting ready to turn into a volcano.
- It could either go away,
or it could just explode.
- So what's gonna happen with the zit?
- What's gonna happen with the zit?
Here we go, right here.
"A way below them, they could see the road
sweeping around the feet of the hills,
and to their right a gray river gleamed pale
in the thin sunshine."
- Oh, it's gonna pop, man.
- It's gonna be a gray river. - It's a gray river
coming from the hill.
- This is the hill.
- It's gonna get infected.
No, the hill's the freaking zit, man.
- Oh, it is the hill.
Gray river.
- Oh.
- It'll flow like this and I'll be like "What is that?"
- My book of significance to me is "It Hurts When I Poop!"
- All right, what's your question?
- My question is, should we open up this Putt-Putt Palace?
Because, you know, the more I talk about it,
the more it seems like a great idea.
I'll just let it fall where it may,
wherever it falls, it shall.
- Point low,
'cause there's not words at the top.
Boom.
- "The first thing you should know
is that some foods make poop softer,
and some foods make poop harder."
- Yes.
So...
- We're gonna serve all kinds of food
at the Putt-Putt Palace.
All kinds.
And we're gonna divide it up.
The menu's gonna be two sections.
Hard poop, soft poop. - Makes hard poop,
makes soft poop, which do you want?
- And then we got medium.
- Which type of poop do you wanna make?
- All right, so this is a good idea.
- Yeah...
- Right?
(mystical music)
- Okay, now we've talked about rumpology before
in our flat Earth discussion,
but we didn't do it.
And we're gonna do it right now.
Rumpology is basically
when you look at a butt,
and tell the future of the person who owns the butt.
Now Rhett has on his patent pending Butt-Reading Pants,
so stand on up, lemme look at your rump,
for future purposes.
Okay.
I'm supposed to determine the shape of your butt.
- Do you want me to move it?
- Just keep it, no.
- [Rhett] Stay stationary.
- Please.
- [Rhett] I can go up and down as well.
- All right, first I gotta determine,
is it round, heart-shaped, upside down heart-shaped,
square, or boyish,
because each one says something about,
did your butt just pop, or was that your knee?
- That's my ankle.
I'm just trying to give you all you need.
- Well when you bend over like that,
A, I get more uncomfortable,
and B, it gets rounder.
So just relax.
Relax!
- [Rhett] Oh, look at it when I relax.
(crew laughs)
- I think it's square.
Square means that you are confident,
and a smart, career-driven person.
- [Rhett] Yes, I am.
- Especially when that career involves...
- Putt-putt. - Putt-putt.
All right, step two, is it a sticky outie,
or a flatty watty?
It's kind of a sticky outie,
which means you tend to be sensitive.
Hey, man, your butt's sticking out.
How does that make you feel?
- I'm sensitive to your insults.
- So that's ringing true.
- [Rhett] Yeah, I think I'm a little sensitive.
- Okay, and then step three,
I need to identify any lines or markings
to tell your future.
- [Rhett] Well get a good look, then.
- Okay.
Is it lined under the left cheek?
Is it lined under the right cheek?
- There's lines under
both of 'em. - Are there dimples,
or is it lightly marked?
I mean, stand up more, lemme see if there's any lines,
stand up, oh, lot of lines here.
- [Rhett] That's the spandex, man!
- [Link] Lot of lines there...
- Oh, gosh. I'm sorry.
- [Link] I'm seeing there's...
- I don't have much control over it.
- There are lines under that left cheek,
and that indicates that you hold onto the past.
A long line represents a bad relationship.
Are you harboring a bad relationship
under your left butt cheek?
- [Rhett] I mighta had one, at some point.
- Okay, you wanna tell us about that?
- No, I don't.
I'm gonna look at your butt.
- I can't see dimples, but if you have any,
that means family matters.
- Oh.
Family Matters is one of my favorite shows from the 90s.
- Mm. Right.
You probably have dimples.
- Yeah, right.
- You check that out. - Stand up,
and show 'em your pants, Link.
Oh, you got the same pants as me.
- [Link] Mine kinda saggy.
- You don't fill out the pants quite as much as I do.
Wow, your skin pockets are really,
oh, there you go, oh my goodness.
Don't, just turn everything this way, there we go.
We're getting a little more than we bargained for.
You know what?
Yours is definitely an upside down heart,
don't you think his is an upside down heart?
I kinda feel like it is.
Which means you are moody.
Now sticky outie or flat.
I don't, depends on how you stand.
- How 'bout that? - Please,
please don't do that.
I don't think it's necessarily flat,
I feel like it's somewhere in the middle.
It doesn't say anything about jiggling.
It is kinda flat, though.
- [Link] Yeah, it's flat.
- Which means you tend to be too vain.
But not about your butt, 'cause it's too flat.
- Would I be standing up here doing this if I was vain?
I don't think so.
- Now markings, okay, lemme see about lines here.
- [Link] Look for some markings.
- You have pretty strong lines under, oh, gosh,
under both.
No, lemme see the lines.
I don't wanna...
We said about the left, the left is the bad relationship,
and the right indicates
that you have children coming into your life.
Uh-oh.
You might need to get the (clicks teeth)
a little earlier than we expected.
Are you planning on expanding your family?
- Are you talking to me or to my rump directly?
- I'm talking to you.
- No, definitely not.
- Okay.
I'd really feel like
there are maybe dimples under the spandex,
but I don't wanna know about those.
So let's just assume that you don't have any,
and your family is doing fine.
- I don't have any dimples, I don't have any light marks.
- Wow, we learned a lot about each other.
- Too much.
(mystical music)
- Uromancy is the art, believe it or not,
of evaluating your pee to determine your future,
something that the Romans came up with.
- Oh, the Romans.
- And instead of actually peeing on camera,
we'll reserve that for our fifth channel, try to find that,
I'm actually just gonna be giving you my urine, Link,
here it is.
- Thank you so much.
- It's very bright yellow.
- I'm wondering if I can...
You didn't pee like all over it, did you?
- No, no, no.
- All right, so, I'm gonna pour your pee into a glass,
and then if it has bubbles that are large and spread out,
it means one thing.
If they're small and close together, it means another thing.
If there are no bubbles, it means another thing.
- Okay.
- And then...
Let's just, can you open it?
I don't wanna touch the lip.
And I also don't wanna miss.
This is a risky moment.
- Okay.
- What if it came out that thick?
- [Rhett] Evaluate the bubbles, man!
- There's a lot of bubbles.
- Definitely bubbles.
- [Link] They're kinda big. - [Rhett] They are pretty big.
- Here, you take that and put the top back on.
- But they're all around the edge.
- Okay, so let's say they are large
and spread far apart.
So you should be receiving a large sum of money soon.
- To open up the Putt-Putt Palace!
- A little angel investor action!
This is also a very good omen
for the emotional areas of your life.
Cheers, man.
- Okay, you can...
- Put the lid back on that.
All right, you know what?
You're not gonna leave empty-handed.
Here's your first angel investment, my urine.
- Okay, now we're gonna do this a little bit differently
for you, Link, we're gonna use something that they did
in the 16th century to figure out if people were witches.
This is not what the Romans did,
they legitimately did this to see if people were witches.
- You're gonna see if I become a witch in the future?
- If you are a witch now. - [Link] Oh.
- And you will be burnt at the stake if you are.
- That would be my future, okay.
- Now what I'm gonna do is I'm going to insert an iron nail
into this,
and then I'm going to pour...
- That's a small opening.
- Your urine into this.
- Oh, gosh.
Cork it!
- I'm gonna cork it and turn it over,
and if there's a reaction...
- You're gonna turn it over?
Oh my goodness.
Oh, it's dripping, dude!
It's dripping!
Oh my gosh, there is a reaction.
It's a huge reaction.
What the crap? Watch out!
- Oh. Oh. - What? What?
What?! Aw! (Rhett guffaws)
- Agh!
You're a witch!
- No, what did you do? - You're a witch!
- What did you do to my urine?
- It was vinegar and baking soda.
(both laugh)
- Oh, come on, man, I peed in that jar for nothing!
- I got you!
- I was more concerned about the floor.
- You thought that was your urine.
Don't you smell the vinegar?
I put some baking soda in the cork, and, psh,
and then psh.
What did you think was happening?
You're like "There is a big reaction!
Aah!"
So Link's a witch,
we're gonna burn him in Good Mythical More.
- Oh, snap.
- All right, now you know how to tell your future.
I'm sure that was helpful.
Thanks for liking, commenting and subscribing.
- You know what time it is.
- Hi, I'm Michael Strange.
- And I'm Tim Fistrael.
- And we just got our master's degree in aerospace
at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo.
- And it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- And make sure you check out
the new episode of Good Mythical Crew
coming this Saturday morning.
You can see how Alex and Mike went on an adventure
to get some tarot cards.
- Yes, and we're gonna use these tarot cards
in Good Mythical More
to tell our future,
so click through, click that i to get over there.
Gonna be crazy.
- Potatoes rule the world.
- Rhett.
- Sh, they're listening.
Don't, hey, they're listening.
- Are they?
- They have eyes.
- Everywhere.
- But they also have ears now.
- Really?
- Yes, if you leave them in water long enough,
they start growing eyes,
and then they grow ears,
and now they're listening.
- Are you sure that's not
when the corn took over the world last week?
- Corn?
- I'm the head... - You're executive.
- That's confusing.
"I'm the head buffer."
Everybody's leaning over,
I'm like "No, no, I'll buff your hands."
- "He's the head and palm buffer."
"No, no, no, just palms.
He's the only one, but he's in charge."