Hello lovely people!
Hi I'm Jessica and I'm disabled this video also
features Claudia my wife who is not disabled- so subscribe if you enjoy
lesbians of varying abilities
This is part 2 of the video "my wife is not an angel"
um... because we talked for a really long time but I think that it was quite
a useful conversation that we had and we discussed many topics so I decided to
make a part 2: that is the video you are watching right now.
You can watch part 1 by clicking the link in the description
down below or clicking in the card above
in this corner. We were answering questions from the members of the
Kellgren-Fozar Club about what it's like to be in an interabled relationship.
If you would like to become a member of the Kellgren-Fozard Club
and get access to a private secret extra monthly behind the scenes video
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And so on with the video:
Ah this is a really good question Lauren!
What are the positives about having a
disabled partner that you wouldn't have an abled partner?
First one is really obvious.
Is it?
You get to park everywhere!
Oh yeah! [laughs]
especially in Brighton, there is really limited parking
We have a disabled badge, it's great!
Yes that's good, you get to drive places door-to-door
There's loads of disabled bays. As sort of a confident introvert
you know sometimes I like to socialize but sometimes I don't I can just use
Jessica as an excuse to usually just like back away. I'll be like:
'Oh she's very tired now'
It doesn't usually work because Jessica's like such an
extrovert even though she is tired she pushes through it.
I'm exhausted and I keep talking
She's like: 'Shut up!'
Picking her up from under the table like:
You are really tired now, we need to go! And she's like: 'blah blah'
A positive and a negative.
I mean it is a positive of my disabilities, it is a negative of my personality.
Oh airports are really good, because we get to go through special assistance.
Special assistance at airports.
Avoid the queue. Yeah it's great!
You get to go to the front of the line because I can't stand up for very long.
Basically the benefits that you get from being a disabled
person, the abled person who kind of jumps on that wagon. Yeah....
And also there is the obvious thing like I've probably been educated
in chronic illness and disabilities like hidden disabilities and being more aware
of people around me now of all ages whether they are classed as disabled
whether they're just struggling that maybe I wouldn't have been so aware of
in the past. Which is really helpful to your jobs
since you deal with the general public all the time. Yeah.
And I think generally I'd like to think it has
made me you know not an angel but a better human being.
All right Martha says:
I hope your neck is more tolerable now yes thank you it is I sprained my neck
was great and then a whole shoulder dislocation thing. It was fun.
Do you ever feel like
you want to protect Claudia or maintain some kind of normality in denial maybe
by pretending something isn't as bad as it is and how do you deal with those
feelings if you have them? I completely do that all the time and some of its
conscious and some of it isn't. I don't always tell you when I'm in pain.
Sometimes that's unconscious because I'm like: boring.
and sometimes it is a
conscious thing where I'm like: okay you know you've got your stress of the day
had a problem at work you want to just unload I'll just wait for you to get to
the end of the story and then I'll be like: [crying] great story
I'm in crippling pain can you help?
Yeah, I do tell you to tell me more but also
at the same time I know that I'm quite difficult that I'm like: 'yeah but like
it's about me right now.'
[both laugh]
I think it just comes down to personality.
And sometimes I, like there's nothing you she can do.
I respond to Jessica's needs with anger because I can't do anything to make it
better. I don't know. Yeah you're just angry at the world.
Disabled people or ill people or people who struggle with the mental illness
there is an element of of course you want to protect those we love from
knowing actually how it feels and how much it can really really suck sometimes.
I think it's difficult to portray to someone unless they have had first-hand
experience sometimes the way it really feels.
I think for me...
personally the best way would be when we're having a nice time like we're both
in a good mood and you're not in pain currently we're just having a good
day like we're out for dinner or like out having a lovely walk and then you
approach the subject of telling me what it feels like when you're in loads of
pain and when I come home and I moan because then it's not like nagging me
it's like: 'I'm just gonna tell you a little life story'
Just so you know!
And then I'm like hmm
I will take that on board but I don't feel like I'm being put into a situation
that I can't have any control over right now and then I feel frustrated and angry.
So then well I rather she told me another time so then I'm like 'okay well
next time I come home I'll try and be more aware that Jessica might have had a
bad day or is in pain'. Wow okay well we've got the topic for our first dinner
out of the house after lockdown!
Elisa wants to know: I'd like
to know how you dealt with the fact that people were talk to Claudia instead of
you when they were talking about you?
Yeah yeah they talk to the people who
are with me rather than talking to me.
[whispering] Yeah that's really weird...
If someone talks to me about Jessica I just kind of like look at Jessica like
I'm just like 'why are you talking to me!'
Deflecting onto Jessica who is like 'oh thank you so much'
You know, whatever.
Or if they ask the sign language interpreter like 'oh does she want to do this?'
You can ask her yourself.
Yeah so, I think it's the
responsibility of the person who's being spoken to to correct them politely to
actually you address Jessica. Yeah it is an irritating feeling but you do
It is about training the people around you I suppose, sometimes though it's actually
helpful if they talk to you instead of me. It's this weird thing I found when we
go to the doctor if Claudia is there and she's able to talk about my pain or talk
about a difficulty that I've been having they listened to her more than they
listen to me. I find that quite often people will listen to the able-bodied
person in the room.
I don't think it's about just being able-bodied in this situation
I think it's just because you sometimes you look quite ridiculous
for someone who doesn't know you. You've just walked in you've got like a
bow in your hair or a tiara, you've got like a mock fur jacket on.
I don't know what you are talking about.
And you're like 'oh helloo'.
When I first met you I thought you were
a bit of a joke to be honest.
[slowmo] bit of a joke.
Sorry.
I remember I asked you on our second or third date: are you actually, is this...
Are you actually like this all the time?
But like, I just wanna know you! Like YOU!
And she was like: this is ME!
I was like really? You don't have other levels or...
I guess when I go in and I'm wearing like a polo neck or like you know
I sit in there very stir and choke out some medical sounding words
occasionally, whereas you... and I dont like people!
So I'm like sitting in the chari...
[laughing] You don' t like people!
hmm hmm and will this be helpful for her?
Whereas you are like:
'Oh thank you so much okay doctor whatever you say'
Yeah I do look a bit silly
I do realise, I am aware that I look different but I found right that
disabled people are some of the most interesting dressers. I think partly it
is a defense mechanism, because if you look at me and I look like this and I'm
just woo swaying from side to side
you kind of just think it's part of the thing but if I dress
like everyone else and then you saw me walking along, you'd be like
Jesus, is she alright?
Like, no...
It hides things this look.
And when I'm like: 'aha, aha'
That's cause you can't hear!
I don't know what the hell you are saying!
But people let me get away with it.
Kinda leads into the next question of like your personality and your aesthetic
combined of your disabilities with how you manage situations and this person says:
This by Audrey says: my husband suffers from migraines sometimes we
can't cancel my I have to attend events or family get-together us without him
how did you explain to people that no he can't just take tylenol and no he isn't
trying to get out of coming?
So I'm kind of lucky in the situation that my family
are medical background so they appreciate how debilitating a migraine
can be and I just kind of said it very much like say: she's got a migraine. like end
End of.
Fight me.
Yeah and I think when they have asked:
Oh you know. Again?
No, they never question that she would want to miss a coming
because again, that goes with your personality because you're such an
extrovert and you like social gatherings everyone knows if they know Jessica that
she wouldn't not come unless she couldn't.
I would never miss a party.
yeah so that you know
for me is quite then easy to explain our situation. Sure that's true I have my own
worries about it sometimes. Less with your family because they are medical but
when it's like other friends and you have to cancel on them you were at first
with my family before they place friends from before you were like 'oh but they
probably they don't understand'. We've been married for three and a half years
so your family are my family so I I know that they have a willingness for me
But definitely to start with and with friends that I hadn't really met and
spent time really I was like: they're gonna think I'm ridiculous. Yeah.
That's an interesting one. This is from Angela: I follow another interabled
couple and they seem to get a lot of comments about how the non-disabled
partner must have a fetish for disability, does Claudia ever received
the opposite of 'You are an angel comments?'
I don't really look at the comments.
[both laugh] So I wouldn't know.
And Clara is really good at moderating them like she gets rid of anything that might upset us.
So who knows!
That was my answer.
That's fair.
I've never seen comments or had anyone messaged me. I mean I never knew
it was even a thing until we had a conversation with some friends about
how it is. Oh yeah when I did the Hannah Witton round table!
And everyone was like:
Oh my goodness some people are really into that.
There is like a name for it. Isn't there?
There is but I have memory loss.
For both of you:
Is this relationship the first interabled relationship that either of you have had?
Did either of you have doubts about being an interabled couple
as your relationship grew? Selfish question, have you grown tired of my
long-winded comments? A moment of levity haha
unless you have in which case I apologise"
Never Richard, never.
I would say this was my first interabled relationship.
Um for me yes and no?
because I think as a disabled person I'd
have pretty small dating pool if I only dated disabled people.
I had one girlfriend before Claudia but we were young and it was long distance in
that we saw each other every other weekend.
it was more that we message each other on whatsapp a lot but yeah that was an
inter abled relationship and definitely I downplayed a lot about the pain that I
was in and what I could and couldn't do and because I saw her rarely I would
hide what was happening and then spent the rest of the week really paying for
it, like I had used up all of my energy. I would literally get on the train from
her to Brighton particularly long journey why was I doing it alone? Really
wasn't safe in retrospect. It's what you do for love you know?
Eugh, blind love. Puppy love when you are a kid.
You thought she was the love of your life. Of course I did!
So I'd get on the train and I'd pass out because I was in so much pain
and I'd be there in one of my my awful migraines where I can't lift my head
that's what I would be like on this train.
People must have thought you were a drug addict.
Probably I mean like very well dressed drugged addict.
But you still, don't hold yourself well in one of those migraines.
No!
Remember that time we were in Wa-ha.. Wahaca.
Oh god yeah!
You looked like you had like 10 beers. And you were just drinking water
and the waitress was a bit like...
All of our friends are so nonplussed because they're just used to
this so just continue talking as I'm like:
Slouching off.
You'll be my last interabled relationship!
Yes! I will.
My last relationship. My last relationship EVER.
Just us forever...
I know, Jessica sometimes goes: you are gonna be my wife forever
But she does it in this like little voice and sometimes it gets a bit creepy.
And I'm like: have I made the right decision? [both laugh]
I'm just joking. I'm wounded.
You love me! [something drops]
Thank you so much for watching! You are stunningly
gorgeous for having gotten this far through the video! Let me know in the
comments if you are gorgeous!
Subscribe if you enjoyed this video and you would
like to see more from Claudia and I, we also have a playlist Jessie and Claud and
a Jessie V Claud playlist where we do various artistic challenges together and
finally a little reminder that I will be missing my next upload. Normally I upload
twice a week but this week is just this one time and then everything be back to
normal next week! I just need a break cuz right now we're in lockdown in a house
that has building work and no heating and sometimes no hot water and right
beneath me there's nothing! This room is just supported by some steel rods.
Anyway I'll see you in a week's time!
[jazz music]
you