(Ian) Is it weird if my rash tastes like peanut butter?
(Anthony) Shut up!
Okay. Day three after we found this weird Space rock in the field.
I'm starting to feel different and I have this weird rash on my arm--
Dude! You have to see this. Come on!
What is it, man?
Okay, check it out.
-Ordinary pencil, right? -(Anthony) Right.
Watch.
(Anthony) What the hell?! How are you doing that, man?!
I don't know! It looks like rubber, right?
-And then watch! -(Anthony) Oh my God.
It's stiff. How am I able to do this, dude?!
(Anthony) This is freaking me out, man.
(Anthony) Okay. Do you think that ever since we touched that space rock...
..we're turning into...you know...
Mutants?
(knock at door) (Anthony sighs) What is that?
-Did you order another blow-up doll? -(scoffs) No.
(Anthony) Yeah, right.
Hey!
Did you witness anything falling out of the sky recently...
..or maybe see somebody in the nearby field pick up any large objects?
-No. -No.
-Why? -Why?
We aren't at liberty to say.
If you do remember anything, don't hesitate to give us a call.
Okay.
Dude. What the heck of the frickin' frick was that?
Day five since we touched this weird Space rock thing...
..and Ian's rash is starting to smell like Morgan Freeman's freckles...
..and mine is starting to spread. Check this out.
It's like something I've never seen before.
-It's just crazy-- -Whoa! Cool dick tramp stamp, bro.
What?!
Hey, do you think, maybe, we could go to the doctor today?
Cuz' my rash is kind of spreading to my private part place.
(Anthony scoffs) Okay, man. So we've been given these awesome mutant powers...
..and you want to go somewhere where they could possibly take it away from us?!
Okay, dude. We don't even know what our powers can do.
Well, uh, why don't we just go find out then, shall we?
-Yeah! -Yeah!
-Yeah!!! -Yeah. Okay. Let's go do that.
Hi, America! My name's Stevie and I'm single, so if there's pretty girls out there--
(Anthony) Stevie! Shut the f*ck up and just film us, okay?
(Stevie) Okay, I'm sorry about that.
Dude, try it on this guy.
Alright. (groans)
What the hell are you two idiots doing?!
-Shh! He's trying to use his mutant powers. -(Anthony growls)
(Anthony grunts and growls)
You got to be the stupidest--
Oh! Oh, brain freeze!
-Holy balls, dude! It worked! -I think you broke that guy's brain.
As my rash grows bigger, my powers grow stronger!
(yelling in the distance)
Dude! It's those guys.
(Anthony) Sh*t. Come on. Run!
(Stevie screams) Guys, help!
Sorry, Stevie. No time to save you .
Dude, dude! Do you think they're following us?!
I don't know. Maybe we should give that rock thing back.
What? No! Ian, don't you get it?
We could do a lot of good with these powers.
Dude! Watch the road! Watch the ro--
(train blows horn) (Ian and Anthony scream)
And the last thing I remember, I was just driving and then I started coughing, and then I--
(Stevie) Alright! You guys are here too?!
(Anthony) Seriously?
Man, those dudes in black suits totally beat me up...
..and the doc here says I have possible brain damage.
(Ian) Yeah, no one cares, Stevie. Just hold onto this.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
(doctor) So it's a good thing you two both came in today.
It looks like you both have a very rare disease that--
-That's giving us super powers! -Yeah, obviously!
-Not...not exactly. -(Ian) What?
-It's more like you-- -More like we're bad ass mutants...
..that can help people with our superpowers?
Oh my god, you're the best! Thank you so much, doc.
Genius. This one's a genius.
(Stevie) Hey, doc. It's totally normal to fart blood, right?
-Get out of here, you weird freak! -(Stevie screams)
Stevie! Record over here.
(Stevie) Okay, I'm sorry about that.
Thank you.
Dude, look. I told you the rash was spreading--
(Anthony) Oh my god! Dude! Look at that thing.
(Ian) Is it bad?
(doorbell rings) (Stevie) Oh, wait! I'll get it, I'll get it.
(Ian) It totally looks like Morgan Freeman or something.
(Anthony) What? No. It looks like Jennifer Laurence.
-(Stevie) Hey, guys? -(Ian) Jennifer Laurence is really hot.
Can these guys be our friends?
(Ian) Dude, Stevie! Run! Run!
(Anthony) Come on, guys. All we have to do is eat this space rock...
..and we'll become unstoppable!
What the hell are you doing?! Give me that!
No! It's ours! Go!
You're eating sh*t.
-I mean, yeah, it tastes bad-- -No, no, no. You're literally eating sh*t.
What?!
Every year the International Space Station dumps it's human waste.
And some of it ends up landing here on Earth.
And we've got to pick it up before idiots like you find it.
Oh. You're joking, right?
What do you think that brown stuff was?
Uh...Space chocolate?
Okay, could you guys explain our mutant rashes, then?
That's just a really bad bacterial infection, you moron.
What have you been doing with that thing?
(together) Um...
-Nothing. -Nothing.
-So does that mean we're going to die? -Probably.
Screw that! We're mutants. No one can stop us!
Yeah!
(Ian and Anthony yell in pain)
Come on. Let's get out of here.
What about the weird, possibly brain-damaged Oompa Loompa?
-No one will listen to him. -Heh.
-I mean, just look at him. Heh. -Heh. Heh. Heh.
It's okay, Stevie. I still think you're pretty sexy! Heh. Heh. Heh.
(Stevie) What about you guys? Do you guys think I'm sexy?
Guys?
I ate the whole Space rock.
Now I should be able to fly like Superman!
Okay, ready?
Ooh! Watch this!
I'm a damn sexy guy. I believe I can fly.
Got possible brain damage from those weird guys!
I can flyyyy...(screams) Ow.
To see bloopers and this:
(Stevie groans repetitively)
Click the video right here.
Are we really Illuminati?
Thanks for subscribing.
Every subscriber gets to be closer to getting rid of my rash on my uh...
..on my private part place, so...yeah.
Thanks and uh...I really gotta get rid of this thing.
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