- Bring it on, coo-coos.
(playful music)
I've been doing hair for 17 years
so I've seen a thing or two.
So a good hairstylist friend of mine
brought me into her team to do a really (stuttering)
to do a really big photo shoot for Maybelline.
Super excited, you know, this is great exposure,
I'm gonna be with the biggest names
in the industry, the topest models.
We're doing hair, we go to lunch,
and after lunch I felt like my stomach
was starting to, like, bubble a little bit.
As a hairdresser, it's really intimidating
when you have to go to the bathroom,
'cause first of all there's no time for that at all.
If you have to go number two, that's the worst.
What are you gonna do, blow it up in there?
Nobody wants to blow up a salon.
It's like a revolving door.
I get goosebumps when I have to go take a shit
in front of people, like, I'm like, oh my god,
I'm going through it.
So I'm sweating like Bridesmaids
when she's like going crazy,
and I'm like I don't gotta do this, I don't gotta do this,
and I'm like let me just go.
And I tuck my ass in
and I go to our little, own, private bathroom.
So nobody's gonna really be there, whatever.
So I go in there and a little voice in my head was like,
(record scratching) don't you try it.
You better not do it.
I promise you, you're gonna regret this.
And I'm like okay.
And I meditated, I do a little fart here and there,
and it was done.
I washed my hands, I open the door,
and guess who was there?
Adriana Motherfuckin' Lima up in there looking at me.
And I'm like.
She was so nice, she was so beautiful.
I was like really thanking the shit gods
that I did not take a shit.
I dodged a bullet.
The next day, her team wasn't there to do her hair.
So our team was chosen to style her hair
and I'm like what are the odds of that?
So she walks in, she looks at me right in the eye,
she sits down, and she's like hey I remember you,
and she shakes my hand.
And her eyes kinda looked at me like there was like,
what's your number?
Can I talk to you?
'Cause we need to have some making out sessions
and drinking sessions.
But she really said was I remember you,
and I was like thank you, and I shaked her hand,
and I was like you would have definitely remember me, too,
if I would've taken that shit.
- I was in the salon, I just started doing hair extensions,
just got certified, super excited, couldn't wait
to start doing them, was advertising like crazy.
Finally I get this consultation.
She makes an appointment, she comes in,
I'm all like excited about it.
So she sits in my chair and I go over
all of the in and outs of hair extensions.
How to put them in, how often you could wash them,
everything I could possibly do.
At the end I asked her, is there anything
that I didn't answer that you need to know?
She said well do you mind if I pull your hair.
I had extensions in at the time.
I was kinda like, why?
We're sitting there on the bench
and she is pulling my hair.
I asked her, you know, I just told you
they're not gonna come out with a brush.
She then tells me, well I like it rough in the bedroom
and I just wanna make sure none of these guys
are gonna pull my hair out.
So while she's pulling my hair,
I'm looking around and I see all the girls in the salon
they're just looking like what the fuck is going on?
I'm looking back at them like I don't fucking know.
She was really happy and left a deposit.
Hope it all stayed in okay.
- So a client calls my salon, her name is Madison,
and asks for a blowout and some makeup.
But she asks for someone fun.
They give her to me.
Madison walks in and she's got this beaded, pink gown
down to the floor, a giant pink fur,
I'm talking like Cruella de Vil.
Imagine her eyebrows up in her hairline,
completely Vaselined, her entire face was wet.
Walks in, is like I'm with a guy,
I don't know what his name is.
I'm the only guy in the salon so I'm like, oh, it's me.
And everyone's like, at the desk is like,
sorry didn't know that this was happening.
So I bring her back to my chair.
She tells me that she's from Las Vegas
and that she owns two condominiums on the Las Vegas Strip.
I take her back, I get her washed,
and she starts, in front of other clients,
asking me if I know a weed dealer.
And I know that it's legal over there on the west coast,
but like, I dunno, you still don't ask that
in front of other clients.
So I was like oh, no, I don't do that,
so I'm sorry I don't really have any of those connections
here in Jersey where it's illegal.
She like leans back in the sink, and she's like,
but what about the white stuff, where can I get that?
And then chuckles and I like try to ignore that.
I'm washing her hair and she like knows my name,
so she's like, Steve, Steve, Steve.
And I'm like what, what?
I don't do cocaine, I'm not gonna give you cocaine
even if I had it.
I don't know what to do, so I just keep ignoring her.
I bring her back to my chair, I blow her out,
she decides to tease her hair up to the gods.
She's about to leave and she turns around
and not places her Amex card,
I'm talking about throws her Amex card literally on to me,
and is like can you pay for me?
And I was like, yeah I guess.
So I go up and I pay for her,
I sign her name and everything.
She comes up, she takes one of the cans of hairspray
off of our retail section,
and she literally starts spraying her hair
without paying for it.
I was like, oh did you wanna take that?
She's like oh no, I just wanted to use some hairspray.
And I was like okay, great.
Keep in mind, this woman is absolutely
at least 80 years old.
And she's telling me that her boyfriend,
who's a model, is shopping for lingerie for her.
There is not one lingerie shop
in Point Pleasant, New Jersey.
So she's telling me this, and she leaves.
And I'm telling everyone the story,
'cause I literally cannot believe this,
and one of the stylists says oh yeah,
she actually used to own a massage parlor up the street.
And I was like, you've gotta be kidding me.
And I was like, she doesn't live in Vegas?
And she was like, no.
So she doesn't live in Vegas,
she doesn't have all these things,
I find a piece of her dress, the beads, by my station
so obviously it's not that expensive.
She owned a massage parlor that got shut down
because they were giving happy endings.
- It's tough to be a hairstylist sometimes.
- This industry, you're gonna have some crazy people,
you're gonna have some wackos,
but you're also gonna have some amazing people
and amazing stories.
That one Madison is worth it.
- You will see really crazy and hear even crazier.
- I love my career.
Bring it on coo-coos.
(jazzy music)
- Hey, Unsolved is on a new channel, and now your part.
- Subscribe here. - Subscribe here.
- That was my part.