- Ooh boy, some people never quite fail
to surprise with their stupidity.
There have been a lot of stupid people in history
that tried to pull of crimes seemingly without a brain,
some people that either just had no game plan
or tried robbing the wrong person.
So today, we're going to be looking at
history's finest examples of moronic criminals
who tried to commit a felony but failed spectacularly,
so let's get right into it.
These are the ten dumbest criminals in the world.
Number one is Ruben Zarate.
On March 24th, 2008, 18-year-old Ruben Zarate
walked into Velasquez Mufflers for Less in Chicago, Illinois
at about 8:00 in the morning wearing a mask
and waving around a revolver while he was demanding money.
The employees working there at the time explained
that they had very little money and that they couldn't open
the safe due to the fact that nobody knew the combination
outside of the owner of the shop.
Now, seeing as how the owner wasn't going to be there
until much later that day,
it seemed unfortunately that he was out of luck.
Ah, however, determined to get his quick payday,
the young man wrote down two phone numbers
that he could be reached at
and gave them to the man at the front desk,
demanding that they call him
the moment that the owner returned.
Of course instead the employees called the police
and officers came to the shop in plain clothes,
telling employees to call the man back.
Once Zarate returned and pulled a gun out of his sweatshirt,
police shot first and wounded him in the leg.
He was charged the very next day with attempted robbery
and aggravated assault of a police officer.
Oh man, the safe is locked?
Okay, well, here's my number,
my social insurance number, and my address.
Call me later, okay.
Number two is Derrick Mosley.
You know what they say.
Don't bring a knife to a gun fight,
or at least bring more than a bat.
On July 25th, 2013, 22-year-old Derrick Mosley
walked into a gun shop called Discount Gun Sales
located in Beaverton, Oregon with nothing else but
a baseball bat in his hand.
Yeah, a gun shop.
He smashed one of the glass display cases
in order to steal a gun,
but somehow never stopped to think that the shop's owner,
clearly a gun enthusiast, might actually have a gun on him.
Sure enough, the store manager pulled out his firearm,
pointed it at Mosley, and demanded for him
to get down on the ground.
Other than pooping his pants,
Mosley dropped the unloaded gun and knife
and followed the instructions without incident.
When police arrived, they found Mosley on the floor
and arrested him immediately, charging him with
first degree robbery, first degree theft,
second degree criminal mischief, and naturally,
unlawful possession of a firearm.
You a stupid son of a bitch.
Number three is Joey Miller and Matthew McNelly.
On October 23rd of 2009,
before attempting to rob a home in Carol, Iowa,
23-year-old Matthew McNelly and 20-year-old Joey Miller
decided instead of hiding their identities
the traditional way, you know, using masks or pantyhose,
they would use permanent black marker.
So, they got a couple of Sharpies
and scribbled all over their faces to disguise themselves.
Oh man, brilliant.
Nobody should have been able to recognize them, right?
Well, the thing is, the problem with permanent marker,
it's, you know, permanent.
After a call came in about the attempted burglary
and suspects escaping in a vehicle,
police managed to stop a car fitting the description
and they were absolutely shocked by what they saw.
There were Miller and McNelly,
still with marker on their faces.
Appropriately nicknamed Dumb and Dumber,
the two were charged with attempted burglary
and since the two were allegedly intoxicated at the time,
McNelly was also charged with driving under the influence.
Number four is Krystian Bala.
After his body was found in a stream in Wroclaw, Poland
in 2000, local small business owner,
Dariusz Janiszewski's murder went unsolved.
That was, until 2003 when police came across Amok,
a book written by Polish author, Krystian Bala.
In the book, the character was murdered
in the same way that the man was,
described using information that only
the true killer would be aware of,
as investigators never released it to the media.
After further investigation,
police found numerous other similarities
between Bala and the book's main antagonist, Chris.
As it turns out, Bala was the murderer
and the book was a chronicling of what he did.
He was arrested in 2007 and was sentenced to
25 years in prison for the planning and committing of
the murder of Dariusz Janiszewski, but interestingly,
his book sales ended up exploding because of his conviction.
Yeah, I guess that's one way to sell a book.
Number five is Darren Kimpton.
If you've got over 36 convictions for
breaking and entering and burglary,
odds are pretty good that you're probably terrible at it.
Specifically, the getting away part.
Someone should have told 49-year-old Darren Kimpton that
a long time ago, before he decided to break into
the same house twice in one night.
While trying to break into a Northampton England home
on December 22nd, 2012, Kimpton cut himself,
leaving some blood on the door lock.
Wanting nothing more than to steal items to sell
in order to buy Christmas presents for his parents,
he went to try breaking into the same house again.
What he failed to notice, however,
was that police were already on the property,
as the homeowner had already obviously called the police.
After putting his hand through the already broken window
and trying to let himself in, the police watched him enter.
Look at this stupid fool.
You got this on camera?
Yeah, I got the billy bat.
We taking this fool down.
Following a brief struggle, Kimpton was caught
and tests later confirmed that the blood on
the house's lock was indeed his.
Well, I really hope Darren's parents enjoy
their soap and cigarette Christmas gift.
Number six is Quinton J. Thomas.
On December 27th, 2005, 20-year-old Stephen Kelley of
Maryland was shot in the back of the head and killed
during a robbery gone wrong.
Shortly after, 22-year-old Quinton J. Thomas
was arrested and charged with the murder.
While awaiting his trial, Thomas sent out some letters
to his friends on the outside.
Now, what you need to understand is that at
the Montgomery County jail, only incoming mail was checked,
mostly for contraband.
Outgoing mail was not.
Knowing this, Thomas was confident that by writing down
instructions to stop certain people from testifying
would be received without anybody intercepting it.
Man, Quinton, you's a super genius.
You brilliant.
You know, except for the fact that when you put
incriminating orders in writing and then misspell
the address on the envelope, oh, that's not good.
The letter arrived back to the prison
marked return to sender, and of course,
as incoming mail to the prison,
it was opened by guards and Thomas was busted.
It was added to the prosecutor's evidence
and Thomas was later sentenced to life without parole.
Number seven is Frank Singleton.
In March of 2008, 21-year-old Frank Singleton
was released from a Florida County jail
after serving time for a misdemeanor trespassing charge.
Realizing that his journey home would require
nearly a 6.2 mile long hike, he decided to take a shortcut
by carjacking someone and driving their car home.
That someone was 23-year-old Justine Lapierre,
who cooperated with the ex-con when handing over
the keys when he demanded them.
Yeah, see, the problem is though, sadly for Singleton,
he didn't get very far because as it turns out,
the car that he'd stolen was a 2006 Nissan 350Z,
a car that had a manual transmission.
Since he didn't know how to drive stick,
Singleton was unable to operate the vehicle
and was immediately arrested.
Now, you might be asking yourself,
"But Matt, how did he get so caught so quick?
Why didn't he just run away?"
Well, it turns out that the car that he stole
was parked in the jail visitor's parking lot.
Yeah, that's right, he walked out of jail a free man,
got lazy, and tried carjacking a car
right out of a police parking lot.
He literally wound up right back in his cell,
now charged with carjacking,
and all because he didn't feel like walking.
(coughing) You lazy, (coughing) You stupid.
Got a bit of a cough.
Number eight is James Allan.
As any experienced shoplifter will tell you,
it's never a good idea to hit the same place twice,
but that clearly was never advice heard by this guy.
After successfully robbing a corner store
on February 23rd, 2012,
28-year-old James Allan returned to rob the same shop
on March 2nd, only ten days later.
The second time however things didn't exactly go as planned.
After waving a plastic gun
and grabbing some cash from the till,
Allan tried to run off, pushing the pull door,
obviously without success.
He kicked at the door violently,
wanting to kick out the glass panels,
but instead fell backwards into a drink display.
Frustrated, he removed the balaclava he was wearing
right in front of the security cameras
and demanded that the manager, Amanda Crock, let him out.
As if that wasn't bad enough, just three hours later,
the police found him still on the same street as the shop
with his balaclava stuffed in his pocket.
Open the door man, I want to get out!
You can get out, it says pull.
Ain't no time to listen! Fix it!
Number nine is Dennis Hawkins.
In July of 2010, 48-year-old Dennis Hawkins
decided to rob a bank in Swissvale, Pennsylvania.
He decided to wear the ultimate identity concealing
disguise, a blonde wig, fake breasts, and clown pants.
(laughing, imitating Krusty the Clown)
Using a toy BB gun that he shoplifted
that morning from a local K-Mart,
Hawkins made off with an undisclosed amount of cash,
fleeing as best he could in a ridiculous outfit.
The disguise might have worked for him
had it not been for the mustache and goatee,
which he decided not to shave off,
which showed up clearly in the surveillance footage.
After police sent out a description of Hawkins,
a gas station attendant reported
someone fitting that unique description
attempting to steal a car from their parking lot.
When police arrived, it was obvious
that they had found their clown man.
Despite not wearing the wig anymore,
he still had on the fake breasts and was covered in red dye,
a result from the exploding packet in
the bag of money that he stole.
Got away with it!
Oh man, red dye everywhere.
I'm keeping these breasts on.
And number ten is Christopher Kron.
Okay, there's incompetence,
and then there's asking to be arrested
and this guy was definitely the latter.
In August of 2008, ADT, a security company,
received an alarm notification from a restaurant
called Junkanoo Bar in Fort Myers Beach, Florida.
Following protocol, the agent called the business
in the event that the alarm was accidental,
but to her surprise,
47-year-old Christopher Kron answered the phone.
Kron had just broken into the restaurant
and didn't seem to mind that the phone call
had interrupted his robbery,
even giving the representative his actual full name.
Hi, how are you?
Yes, I'm lonely.
Yes, I broke into a store.
My name's Christopher Kron,
and I'm going to jail, okay.
When he couldn't give the correct password,
the agent notified the police,
but Kron escaped with two bottles of alcohol.
Oh, big score!
Incredibly, the next morning,
he went back to that restaurant that he had robbed
to have a drink and was immediately recognized by
an employee who had seen the surveillance video.
The police arrived.
Kron was immediately arrested.
What an idiot.
So those were the ten dumbest criminals in the world,
possibly in history.
But as always, I want to know from you,
have you heard of a story of a dumb criminal
who has done something so dumb
that they deserve to be on this list?
Leave your response below,
because I'll be reading through them
and I'll pin the best comment to the top.
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Bye!