Hey, um..hello everybody
Today.. we are,uh going to be summoning chuthulhu
*innocent markimoo smile*
-mumbled agreements-
*sneak peak of summoning darkiplier*
Oh!
Are-are we just getting right into it?
Because i wasn't ready for this-i barely got here
Hang on,i haven't even did my hair yet,I'm out of style
*sexy voice* oh yeah i look like ass, that was the style i was going for, i look like garbage
Hello everybody my name is Markiplier and welcome to cards of cthulhu
the game where you are either trying to BeAT cthulhu or your trying to beat everyone who's against cthulhu
OOR YOUR BEATING CTHULHU'S COMPITITION
Not that he has any
I don't really know....your on a bike you got a gun
and i think theres some squiggly monster in the distance
SO, I like the sound of sacrificial,IM NOT EVEN GONNA READ WHAT THESE CARDS DO
Im just gonna go on what my gut feeling tells me to do
STUN OR BURN? set the gun to burn
Oh god,what am do- Hi?
OOOOOH, AHHHHHH
(when you look in a mirror)
WHAT ARE YOU?!?!
OH okay....
oh yes.. Burn?
Surprise bag?
Revenge?
AhhAHHHHHH
uLTRA KILL?
WHAT DID I DO?!
WHERE'S K-TWO-LU?
I had no idea I would be going on a lovely sunday ride
And is that a chainsaw monster in the distance..?
I believe that's a tall, lanky chainsaw monster
It's a little bit disturbing, but I'm assuming this is all for a good cause.
The good cause being either: stopping cthulhu
or summoning cthulhu because I haven't seen Cthulhu yet- (you don't want too though)
Wouldn't mind seeing a little bit. (you'll go insane mark)
But y'know beggars can't be chOOsers by this point
Oh, your soul grows stronger?
Oh. *chuckles* Health: Protects you from death.
Yeah, I'd think so! Considering that's what life iz.
Too late, he's already going for the tick-tock time bomb
OH, it's booby-grabby no-eye lady!
Oh no, get the fire out of there!
Ha-booski!
Well, you is dead.
*demented laughter* (i warned you mark)
I've got strategy now!
OW. Why? WHY?
I'll take that revenge, thank you very much.
No you can't! *more demented laughter*
Got'cha!
I see you. I see YOU, Punchy-glove Monkey-tail over there!
Remind yourself that overconfidence is a slow-
I know about the killing thing.
Who the fuck are YOU?!
Are you the sheriff here? You're the sheriff?
I don't much like ya.
Can you just die, please?
Bang. Boom. Bang.
Okay, good.
Hey! It's Big Dick Larry! ((°ロ°))
How ya doin', Big Dick?
Ya-Come on!
NO.
NO!
I said no. You freeze that dick.
Jeez! Stop bashing me on the face with your dick!
Okay. Just gonna keep doin' this.
GAH DAMN IT!
*high-pitched* NOO!
Ah, FUCK YOU you blew up my god damned-bike.
I don't know what the hell's going on. All I can assume is that THEY-
are obeying the word of C-two-loo.
So what I need to do, is I need to go get some god damned ANSWERS
from C-too-loo myself because I don't have a god damned clue-
*confusion dance* -what's fucking going on
*confusion dance* in this goddamned world!
So I'm-I'm-I'll be right back. I'm gonna go get some help
I'm gonna form a CULT! We're all gonna have matching ROBES!
And we're all gonna summon Cthulhu and ask him
What the SHIT is with this goddamned game!
Okay so, what-what we're doin' here,
We need to get some answers outta this son of a bitch known as Cthulhu
He made this game that I played that didn't make a
DAMN bit of sense, so we're gonna f-
We're gonna find him, we're gonna bring him here.
So we can ask him some GOSH darned questions, right?
Everybody on board with this?
*people off screen agreeing* Okay.
Recipe for...summoning Cthulhu: Blood,
Uh, Ritual Sacrifice/Able Volunteers
Sacrifice 1 & 2: *wave for the camera*
So, um,
I've never done this before so I'm not entirely sure how it's gonna go?
But I imagine it's gonna be like this; we're gonna sacrifice the two volunteers.
*SCARY RITUAL MUSIC*
We're all gonna chant in tongues-
*SCARY RITUAL CHANTING*
-over the pentagram of blood
Oh don't actually- It's a public park dude!
And then Cthulhu should show up? (confused face)
*CTHULHU GROWLING*
Somewhere? Maybe not here,
maybe in a major city or something like that?
He'll-He'll show up! ...Eventually.
He's a busy guy.
*cheery* Okay sacrifices come in here!
Alright, how you feeling?
Sacrifice 1: *mumbles something* (how do you think, mark?)
Yeah? You good?
Okay, you guys know what to do? Alright, here we go- *starts chanting*
*SCARY RITUAL MUSIC*
*CULTISTS STARING INTO YOUR SOUL*
*MARK & TYLER DANCING LIKE IDIOTS*
*CULTISTS QUESTIONING THEIR LIFE CHOICES*
*MORE SCARY MUSIC, MORE DANCING*
*SACRIFICE WEEPS FOR YOU*
*CULTISTS CONTINUE STARING*
*MORE SCARY RITUAL MUSIC AND DANCING*
*THUNDER* (cthulhu has awoken!)
*CTHULU GROWLING MENACINGLY* {DA FUQ U WANT BITCH?}
Oh! I-It worked! Holy crap, okay, um.
Huh, I didn't actually think I'd get this far-
Yeah. What was up with that game?
Cthulhu: *growling* {It was an awesome game, obvs.}
I-I'm just saying like, it didn't make a lot of sense.
Cthulhu: *growling* {It made perfect sense if you know-}
Yeah, I know, devastation and desolation-I get THAT.
It just like- There was a weird mechanical boob lady? And-
Cthulhu: *growling* {I thought it was cool.}
Tyler: Really? That-that's the reason?
Mark: Yeah, it didn't-
Cthulhu: *growling* {Do you know how long it took to program?}
Yeah, I know you-
Cthulhu: *growling* {HOURS, MAN. HOURS.}
Yeah, I get that you put a lot of work into it, but-
Cthulhu: *growling* {Then stop complaining, you jerk!}
Wha-
Cthulhu: *growling* {You have-}
Wha-?
Cthulhu: *growling* {-how HARD it is-}
*sigh* Yeah okay alright. Y'know what, just- Okay that's great.
*children noises in the distance*
Thank you, never mind.
Tyler: You can go back now!
We don't want you.
Mark: Alright everybody. Just-I'm sorry guys
You're gonna die but whatever I'm sorry anyway so-
Sorry.
We're gonna need those robes back.
so
yeah.
Yeah I guess that didn't work, uh...no...
No answers for us.
I guess it was a little selfish to summon a
Dark lord of the underworld to answer (he's an outer god, mark, get it right)
a question about a video game. But...
Tyler: *starts to say something*
Mark: *interrupting* I mean first time for everything.
Ya gotta-Ya gotta try. Ya gotta ASK
Tyler: Yeah. I mean they say there are no stupid questions...
Ethan: Uh-huh
Mark: What's the worst-He's gonna say no? Ethan: Uh-huh
You can't be afraid of that. Life lesson.
A few murders, but whatever. So
Thank you everybody so much for watching, um-
Should probably...just leave that.
So thanks again.
And as always, I will see YOU in the next video
Buh-bye~!
Tyler & Ethan: *waving* Bye
Mark: Alright, yeah, we should clean up the blood.