First impressions are interesting for two reasons.
Number one, they're oftentimes wrong.
Number two, they're very difficult to dislodge.
Why do we do this?
Because as human beings we want to be right, we don't want to take a step back and admit
that we're wrong even if we don't have to admit that to anyone else.
This matters because first impressions, gentlemen are incredibly powerful.
In today's video though, I'm going to give you ten things ten ways that you probably
are messing them up and how to avoid them.
First impression mistake number one.
The weak handshake the limp fish whatever you want to call this is when you put your
hand out there and you don't grip, it feels, yeah, just like a dead fish with a limp fish
whatever you want to call this, don't have that handshake.
So, guys, you want to practice this, but break a handshake into three parts.
Number one you want to initiate it.
So, make sure that you're looking at the individual, you have their attention and then just right
out of you, boom!
Right there.
They're going to see it out of the corner of their eye and they're naturally especially
if you're in networking event if you're just meeting someone for the first time, most people
are expecting it and you want to be the person that initiates it.
Part two of a handshake is to get a good grip.
This oftentimes depends on the size of your hand.
If you've got larger hands, be aware that other people you don't want to overpower them
you don't want to crush them especially if you're shaking a woman's hand.
Now, if you're like me you've got slightly smaller hands, you want to make sure that
you don't get grabbed at the wrong area.
Sometimes people will grab me up here to early and honestly I can't even do much to it. So
I always go forward and I'm pushing a little bit more, I turn my hands slightly like this
and I'm trying to grab right in there.
I'm taking the lead I'm taking charge of the handshake because I want to make sure I get
the right grip.
Part three of the handshake is how long to actually continue to shake hands.
I like one, two, three shakes and then I'm done.
Now, some people go to five.
If you're going up to ten probably a little bit too much.
But, you want to, you know, show them, hey, give them that firm handshake and then disengage.
First impression mistake number two.
Not having the right amount of eye contact.
I see this a lot with students coming into the United States.
Maybe they've got a scholarship they're going to USC they're going to be studying neuroscience,
but they're not used to engaging with all these people all these people that look at
them and expect them to talk because in their home country as a student they oftentimes
look down.
They showed respect especially with women.
Now, with men we're a little bit better I think overall because it's expected by societies
that we have stronger eye contact.
But, remember the rule is 50-70.
50 whenever you are talking.
You want to be looking eye contact 50% of the time.
70% of the time, if you're listening because that shows that you're paying attention.
And that's where it becomes a first impression mistake because if you're constantly looking
down if you're looking over people don't think that you're paying attention that you're not
listening to it and it comes off as rude.
You want to make sure that doesn't happen.
First impression mistake number three gentlemen, is showing that you're an excessive sweater.
If you sweat a lot, not much you can do about it.
That's just simply the way that you are born, it's something that you get hot easy you sweat
quite a bit.
This is your body's natural response to being hot, I understand that.
But, for you to walk into a room and to have sweat all over your face, have it all over
your hands, have pit sweat stains that are all over the place, people are going to be
repulsed by that, they're not going to want to get close to you not going to want to shake
your hands.
So, how do you do this?
Well, show up to the meeting early, have a rag available and simply wipe your face wipe
your hands again and again.
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First impression mistake number four.
Smelling like crap.
Guys, I'm not talking about body odor, I'm talking about the overused of fragrance, of
cologne, of perfume, of toilette, whatever you want to call it.
You want to make sure that when you wear a fragrance especially when you're meeting people
for the first time, you don't announce yourself before you walk into that room.
You want to be discovered, use one spray use something that you've used before.
You don't want to try something new something you put on three sprays and you can't get
this off and you walk in there everyone just looks over before you even said a word, that's
not the impression you want to make.
First impression mistake number five.
Not listening.
Actually, what you're doing is you're waiting for your turn to speak.
You're not even paying attention to the conversation and you just want to get in your two cents.
The problem with this is that people can tell especially people at a higher level we're
paying attention.
Be a good listener.
Actually, asked questions ask people to continue ask them to expand on what they were just
talking about.
People love a good listener because it's so rare and it shows that you show an interest
in them.
Everyone loves it when you show an interest in them.
First impression mistake number six and it's closely tied to the one I just talked about
is actually not having anything prepared to talk about.
So, you always want to have some great stories, three in fact I think that every man should
have that he can bring to a cocktail party he can bring you an interview.
If you are talking with five-year olds, you have some great stories something that you
can entertain something that you can engage with.
Make sure the story has a hook has a strong beginning.
Then, you actually have a pointer, you know, the information you're trying to get across
and then you have a quick wrap-up.
Have the stories about two to five minutes in length.
If people want more, they're going to ask you to go into more detail.
And, also, pay attention to your audience.
I talked about kids you may be talking with 20-year olds who may be talking with you know
retirees, whatever it may be have something that's relevant to them.
Know your audience and have something to say.
First impression mistake number seven.
Not having a sense of humor.
So, you've got to have sense of humor.
Humor is a very interesting characteristic because it can show intelligence especially
if you've got what's called high humor.
High humor is where you use sarcasm or in a joke there are double meanings.
Now, avoid slapstick humor or crude humor.
This is humor that shows a lower level of intelligence and it's oftentimes physical
it's talking about, you know, if you're going to talk about fart jokes or, you know, I don't
know butts or whatever it may be understand that's crude.
It's funny at times, and to tell you my kids love stuff like that, but you want to take
it to the higher level.
I'm actually pretty proud of my twelve-year-old he gets a lot of very higher level jokes.
First impression mistake number eight.
Weak body language.
Never try to make yourself smaller, never try to hide yourself, always be confident,
open yourself up, be one that wants to attract other people.
Understand that this stuff is real.
I've talked about Amy Cuddy over Harvard.
She's done tons of research on how people make initial first impressions based off of
how that see that -- they see that individual.
Just remember, open yourself up it's going to be powerful, closing yourself off is not
what you want to do.
First impression mistake number nine.
Not knowing your bad habits.
Not knowing your ticks and these are things in which you do them and you don't even know
that you're doing it.
I have a good friend he always picks his nose, he doesn't even know he's doing it.
But, he was talking to people all of a sudden he's just picking his nose.
It's just a habit.
He doesn't even know he's doing it.
But, also crutch words and videotape yourself.
I know I've got crutch words, but it is something that once you're aware of that's the first
step to changing it.
So, this next first impression mistake may seem really small, but it can sink a relationship
really fast by forgetting somebody's name or worse calling them by the wrong name.
Why is it such a big -- why is this such a deadly error?
Because it affects that person's ego.
The fact that they aren't important enough that you can't even remember their name.
People love to hear their name and if you call them the wrong name try doing this with
a girl you're on a date with.
Guys, you ain't getting a second date.
So, how to create -- how to remember names?
There are many tricks out there.
I find what works for me is association is actually saying that person's name multiple
times.
I also always try to get a business card especially in a business setting and I hold that business
card.
Actually I look at it I say I talk with him I try to use their names.
There are different types of memory.
It's not just in your head, but also the muscle memory off and if I don't have any of that
oftentimes I will carry a pen with me and I will write down the first initial of their
name.
All these points I talked about here, it's about effort it's about you actually taking
steps in the right direction because we're always going to make mistakes.
The goal here is to minimize those mistakes so that you can consistently put forward your
best first impression, so that you can and that person who you just met, you can be up
here here versus down here because you know once you're in that down position it's very
difficult to make your way up.
It's always better to start off up here.
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That's it, gentlemen.
Take care.
I'll see you in the next video.