-Guys, we are back.
The winter Olympics are over.
Our show is back on. Woo!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Feels good!
Last night was the closing ceremony
for the winter Olympics, and they had some crazy stuff.
I don't know if you saw it. They had a big conga line.
They had a giant snow globe.
They had glow-in-the-dark pandas on roller skates.
When asked what inspired the pandas, they said,
"Uh, shrooms."
[ Laughter and applause ]
With the Olympics over, 90 countries
have departed South Korea.
Yep, 90 groups waving goodbye,
or as the NRA calls those, sponsors.
[ Laughter and applause ]
The big winner this year was Norway.
They won a record 39 medals. Wow.
Or, one for each person who lives in Norway.
So there you go.
"Jorgen, Bjorn, Jornbjorgen, Jonborgen."
This is exciting. The U.S. men's curling team
beat Sweden to win their first gold medal ever!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Band plays ]
Actually, they were beating Sweden so bad,
they conceded the match early.
Yep, America made Sweden quit in frustration, or as we call that,
the reverse IKEA. -Hello!
-Hey! -Yeah!
[ Applause ]
[ Laughter ]
-Come on!
-A bit of a scandal, though.
I guess Russian spies hacked hundreds of computers
at the Olympics.
Which explains why Hillary Clinton didn't win
a single gold medal. -Really?
-I mean that's -- really, not one.
Not one.
[ Applause ]
Did you guys see this? On Saturday,
an Austrian snowboarder had a little trouble
when a squirrel ran right in front of her during a race.
Everyone is okay, but take a look at this.
There she goes there and then --
-Hey, yo!
[ Audience groans ]
Guys, that squirrel had trained four years for that moment.
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪ Some people wait a lifetime ♪♪
♪♪ For a moment like this ♪♪
♪♪ I can't believe it's happening ♪♪
[ Laughter ]
Kelly Clarkson is on the show tonight, you guys.
-Yeah! -Kelly Clarkson!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, listen to this, you guys.
Mexico's President cancelled plans for a visit to
the White House after a tense phone call he had
with President Trump.
Apparently, Trump spent the entire call pressing one
and yelling, [ As Trump ] "English!
Engl -- representative!
Representative!"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Come on!
-"Actual human being!"
[ Normal voice ] As I mentioned earlier,
several businesses have cancelled their partnership
with the NRA over the past week, including United Airlines.
Yeah.
You know you messed up when the company that dragged the guy off
the plane is like, "You're making us look bad."
So, uh -- Wow.
[ Applause ]
Speaking of business, did you hear about this?
Kylie Jenner tweeted she doesn't like Snapchat,
and the company stock value fell $1.3 billion.
[ Audience oohs ]
And people were like, "Yh, could you also tweet that
you don't like the NRA?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Get this, the Vegas airport just installed these boxes
where you drop off your weed before flying,
no questions asked.
[ Laughter ]
But if you're forgetful enough to bring weed with you
to the airport, you're probably not going to remember
to drop it off at the drop-off weed box.
[ Applause ]
Guys, sometimes it feels like there is nothing
but bad news out there.
Well, we here at "The Tonight Show" have decided
to do something about that.
We asked real local NBC News anchors from all around
the country to read stories that we wish were true,
stories that make us feel happy.
I'll show you what I mean in tonight's installment of
"I've got good news, and good news."
-♪♪ I've got good news ♪♪
♪♪ I've got good news ♪♪
-I'm going to read the next news story like
my teeth are Crazy Glued together.
[ Mumbling ]
[ Light laughter ]
-The FDA reports that raw cookie dough is now
legally considered a vegetable.
So if anyone judges you for eating it straight out of
the fridge, they're an idiot.
-In personal news, check me out!
I'm reading the news with my eyes closed and I'm nailing it.
-Two men in ski masks entered a bank today,
but they weren't robbing it.
They just had cold faces.
-In other news, me a big boy.
Me put on suit. Say big boy words.
Me be important.
Me important, yes.
Big boy important?
You betcha.
-Breaking news. It's now illegal for anyone
to call themselves a model/deejay.
-Saddle up, gang, because that's a phrase I say now.
-Let's take a look at the five-day forecast.
And now let's take a look at my head on a pigeon's body.
[ Cooing ]
-Oh, come on. Doesn't that make you feel good?
We have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen!