Captioning provided by MUHSEN (www.muhsen.org)
And I really didn't know my dad,
but my images of him just are not well.
When a person's dying of that it is just in a lot of pain,
and he's constantly spitting up blood
and wanting to drink more alcohol.
And I didn't know what to do to comfort him,
or what to say.
I didn't even know a person could
drink themselves to death like that.
(words whooshing)
(lamp clicking)
- [Narrator] Allahumma
rabba Jibra-ila wa Mika-ila wa Israfil
Faatir as samaawaati wal ard 'Aalimal ghaybi wash shahaadah
Anta tahkumu bayna 'ibaadaka fimaa kaanoo fihi yakhtalifoon
Ihdinee limakhtulifa feehi minal haqqi bi idhnik
Innaka latahdee ilaa siraatim mustaqeem
- So it's one thing
when you have someone to look forward to reuniting with
and this idea of righteous people that are looking forward
to being in the company of the righteous.
That's being a means by which they continue
to drive themself with purpose,
but in the case of the prophets
and with Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam,
that's not always the case, right?
You have people that you wish you could save.
And if you think about Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam,
SubhanAllah
even the imagery of it.
His father was the one
who was behind him being thrown into that fire.
His father ordered for the fire to be kindled,
and then for him to be catapulted into it.
And on the day of judgment,
Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam does not want
to see his father thrown into a fire.
He responds with kindness and love,
despite all that was done to him.
He wishes he could save him.
You see it in the story of Ishaaq,
and in the people of Loot,
where the angels are on their way
to destroy the people of Loot 'Alayhis Salaam
and he's given the bushra, the glad tidings,
of Ishaaq 'Alayhis Salaam.
Him and Sarah, they've been waiting for this child, right?
13 years after Ismaa'eel
and now you have Ishaaq
and when he asks the angels where they're going
and when he finds out that they're on their way
to destroy the people of Loot 'Alayhi Salaam,
then suddenly he starts to argue with them
on behalf of the people of Loot 'Alayhis Salaam.
He's trying to save them,
like the joy of having this child
he's been waiting for his entire life,
but he wants to save these people.
That is the heart of a prophet, right?
Prophets are empaths for the aakhirah as well,
for the hereafter as well.
For people's dunyaa and for their aakhirah.
For their lives and for their afterlives.
And they know of the afterlife
what the average person does not know.
They've seen what Allah has allowed them to see
and here they are arguing passionately
to their people,
for Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
and then on behalf of their people,
to Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
to save them.
And I think that for many of us
we have to take a step back sometimes and remind ourselves
this wasn't just the experience of multiple prophets.
Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam, Nooh 'Alayhis Salaam,
in a painful way with his own son,
Ibrahim with his own father.
But this was pretty much all of the companions
of the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam,
almost without exception,
that they had someone that they wished they could save
and they were not able to.
In fact, 'Ali radiAllahu ta'ala 'Anhu,
he says that the only companion
whose entire family became Muslim,
parents, spouse, siblings,
was Abu Bakr As Siddeeq radiAllahu ta'ala 'Anhu.
That he's the only one who had that blessing
of every single person in his family
eventually becoming Muslim.
Even the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam with
Abu Taalib.
Painful, painful, painful moments
where he wanted to save Abu Taalib
but he couldn't, Innaka laa tahdee man ahbabt.
You can't guide those who you want to guide.
It's Allah who guides at the end of the day.
Have any of you ever had that experience
where you wanted to save someone so badly?
That you were investing your own emotional energy
to where you're almost losing yourself in that process?
- I mean, I was much younger then
and it would be my dad.
My dad passed away when I was eight.
He had cirrhosis of the liver.
He was an alcoholic.
We used to live in New York, when my mom got remarried
and came back to live with my grandmother.
I really didn't know my dad,
but my images of him just are not well.
When a person's dying of that,
is just in a lot of pain.
He's constantly spitting up blood
and wanting to drink more alcohol.
I didn't know what to do to comfort him,
or what to say.
I didn't even know a person could
drink themselves to death like that.
Unfortunately,
even being a kid and being of faith,
I wasn't Muslim yet,
but just praying to God
that there was something I could do to help him
see the error of his ways
and come around from that.
So I always think if I had the ability to do something
or to make an impact,
or always pray to Allah.
Was there some reason that that happened
when I didn't have any means or capability to step in?
You always want to.
That's the person,
if I could go back and do whatever I could to save,
it would be him.
- SubhanAllah
Anyone else wanna share?
- I don't think I have a specific person,
but I know I've been able
to have opportunities to do a lot of work with the youth.
The youth, they're at such a young vulnerable age
and they have so much more of their life
to grow into themselves
as personally, mentally, spiritually.
You always have concerned parents.
They come up to me and be like,
"how do I get them to love Allah?"
"How do I get them
to love spending time with the Quran or praying?"
At that moment you wanna give so much of yourself
to make sure that they get on the right path,
but sometimes when you give so much of yourself,
there's burnout.
There's those thoughts that you're not doing enough,
even when the results doesn't come out.
That's where you really have to put trust in Allah
that he's the only one that's able to guide.
Sometimes parents say "how do I raise my my child
to become like you?"
You're just like SubhanAllah
The steps that we all probably had to go through
and events in our lives to get to where we are.
The fact that we're still alive,
that there's many more opportunities for us to mess up.
There's many more opportunities for us to stray away.
There's also many more opportunities
for us to stay on the right path.
You wish the best for everybody in your life
that you come across.
Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam putting that trust in Allah
that Allah knows what's best at the end of the day.
- You know,
when you're looking through the stories of these prophets
and you're looking through the stories of these companions,
one of the things you realize is that
even the child of a prophet
who is literally in the companionship of someone
who's receiving revelation has to, at some point,
make their heart fertile for that revelation.
If that's not a sign that you can't force religion
into someone else's heart,
I don't know what is, right?
Living with someone who's receiving divine revelation
and still not seeing it
just shows you that everyone has their own journey.
Everyone has to turn their own heart back
to Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
One of the things that I often have to tell parents,
especially parents dealing with their children
who are making these mistakes.
Sometimes the parents are hurting more than their children.
Please, Allah talks about that painful experience.
Walladhee qaala liwaali daihi uffil lakumaaa
ata'idaanineee an ukhraja wa qad khalatil quroonu min qablee
Allah gives us that example of that arrogant child
that responds to their parents like,
"like leave me alone, leave me alone."
"This is all fable, this is all just falsehood."
"These are stories."
"People have come before me and nothing happened to them."
wa qad khalatil quroonu min qablee
wa humaa yastagheesaanil laaha wailaka aamin
Allah gives us the imagery.
They're pleading with their children.
"Please believe, believe, woe to you, believe,"
and the child continues to ignore.
Now, I think that it's important for us
to humble ourselves to that experience.
Sometimes I have to tell parents that look,
your kids are gonna have to make their own mistakes.
You're just going to have to be there for them,
when hopefully they realize that they're making a mistake.
Make sure that they know that they can come back to you.
That really is one of those things where
whether it's a close friend or a family member,
you have to love them through their mistake
without affirming them in their mistake
and in their mistaken ways.
To let them know at some point, you know what,
I can't stop you, but I want you to know
that I'm praying for you to wake up
and when you wake up, you'll always have me there.
And that's what Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam
does with his father, by the way.
After his father threatens him,
Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam gives him this beautiful reminder
that,you know, Yaa abati innee akhaafu 'alayk.
Oh my father, I'm worried about you.
This isn't about me.
Yamassaka 'adhaabum minar Rahmaan
That you'd be touched by punishment from the most merciful.
Fatakoona lish shaytaani waliyyaa
You end up being a companion of the Shaytaan.
I don't want that to happen to you, oh my father.
And when his father responds with basically a death threat,
Ibrahim 'Alayhis Salaam says salaamun 'alayk,
peace be onto you.
Sa-astaghfirulaka rabbee
I'm gonna go to my Lord
and I'm gonna keep seeking forgiveness for you.
You just cut me off, but I'm not cutting you off.
It's important for us
to love people through their mistakes sometimes
and to let 'em know, I'll be there for you,
but at the same time,
sometimes they gotta make those mistakes for themselves.
You just hope that they'll be able to recover from it
and that that voice that you left them with
and that care and that compassion,
it sticks with them in those moments
when they're away from you
and hopefully brings them back.
There's one more dimension of this that I'll share.
We're taught to love the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
more than we love ourselves
and that's a challenge,
a daily challenge for the Muslim, right?
Do you love him more than you even love yourself?
Udhkur masaabaka fee mawti Rasoolillahi
SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
When you lose someone that's beloved to you,
remember your tragedy
in the death of the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam.
There is no person who exemplified that more than
Abu Bakr As Siddeeq radiAllahu ta'ala 'Anhu
His father was actually the last holdout,
his father, right?
His mom became Muslim early on,
his whole family masha-Allah becomes Muslim,
but his father all the way at Fath Makkah,
after this whole journey of hijrah
and everything that Abu Bakr radiAllahu 'Anhu
experienced with the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam.
Their whole history in Medina.
Finally, at the very end,
his father becomes Muslim
and his hair is all white and he's at the end of his life.
There's so much joy, right,
but then Abu Bakr radiAllahu 'Anhu is crying.
Why is he crying?
Because he's saying,
"I know how much the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
wanted that for Abu Taalib.
He felt almost guilty, like I'm getting to live this moment
and I know how much the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
wanted to have that moment with Abu Taalib.
Which for us as believers,
when we're going through that,
whether it's with the relative
that we wish would become Muslim,
or the person that we wish would become Taa-ib
would turn back to Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
Even the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam,
who we love more than ourselves,
had to struggle with that moment.
Sometimes we remind ourselves of our pain
by comparing it to the pain that we feel
when we think of the pain of our
Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
as a means of putting our pain in perspective.
That even the Prophet SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
had to struggle with that
and we're going to have those moments,
but we pray that Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
will allow us to be sources of guidance
for the people that we love.
So, sister Sarah, there is obviously a lot of sadness
when you can't save someone that you love,
but how do you deal with the emotion of guilt
that you aren't able to save someone that you love?
- It's one of the most difficult experiences
and it's a very unique type of grief,
when you love somebody deeply,
you care about them so deep
and because you care about them
and because you love them,
you want to be able to save them
and you're unable to do that.
It's a very heavy experience.
One of the things that I think is most helpful
is when you realize that the Rasool
SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam
used to constantly make du'aa
for something in particular.
He used to always ask Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
Ya muqallibal quloob thabbit qalbee 'alaa deenik
Why did he ask Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la for this?
This du'aa
Oh turner of hearts,
keep my heart firm on the deen, on the faith.
Why did he ask for this?
It's because he says that the hearts are between the fingers
of Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la and he changes them,
he turns them, in any way that he wills.
When we realize that,
that the hearts are between the fingers of Allah
Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
we are able to relinquish some of that responsibility
and some of that guilt that comes.
It doesn't relinquish the sadness.
It doesn't change the desire that we have
for this person to be saved,
but it takes some of the guilt away,
because we realize that it's not within our power.
The things that we, as human beings,
tend to stress about the most
are always the things that are outside of our control.
Always the things that we can't change.
So how do we channel this energy
and challenge that feeling of guilt
that we're struggling with?
Is, number one, like we said,
remembering this fact that
Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la
is in control of this
and then like we were seeing there,
is planting that seed.
That's our responsibility.
You can't control a person's heart,
but you can control your actions and your reactions
and your relationship with that person to a certain extent.
So being able to focus on that is incredibly powerful.
Sometimes we realize that the impact of something
doesn't show up right away,
but it can show up so many years later.
Even with the Prophet Muhammad SallAllahu 'Alaihi Wasallam,
Allah Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la tells him
that your job, your duty,
if they turn away,
your duty is only to share the message clearly.
That's our responsibility as well.
Then finally,
the other thing that's really within our control
is prioritizing the relationship
that we have with this person.
That's a really, really big deal
and I think that a lot of times people really
underestimate how impactful having a good relationship
with somebody can be in working
to guide them toward the path of Allah
Subh'anahu Wa Ta-A'la.
So not with just the intention of preaching,
but just from that place of love and care
and letting this person know
that I care and love you deeply.
That prioritization of the relationship
can also be really transformational
and can also help to alleviate some of that guilt
Insha Allah.
- So has there ever been anyone that you wanted to save
and you were able to not lose yourself
in the process of trying to save?
Please share with us a story below.
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