-Guys, it is Friday, and that's usually
when I take care of some business.
You know, I get some things done.
But the day just got completely away from me.
I was busy gathering twigs for a homemade wreath.
And I totally forgot to write out
my weekly thank-you notes, right now,
as I was grabbing those twigs.
You guys mind if I write out
my weekly thank-you notes right now?
Is that okay? Is that --
[ Cheers and applause ]
You guys are the best. Thank you so much.
James, can I have some
thank-you-note-writing music, please?
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, new video game "Cyberpunk 2077,"
for letting everyone live out their wildest fantasy,
walking around a crowded city without a mask.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Apple's new AirPods Max,
for letting me pay $549 for the privilege of
constantly thinking, "I'm gonna get mugged,
I'm gonna get mugged,
I'm gonna get mugged, I'm gonna get..."
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, holiday TV commercials,
for teaching us the true meaning of Christmas,
wealthy couples buying each other matching luxury S.U.V.s.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Toblerone, for combining
my two favorite things, Swiss chocolate and traffic spikes.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, chimney sweeps, for basically giving
a COVID test to my house.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Christmas-tree ornaments,
for making it possible for Jesus, Rudolph, and Baby Yoda
to all hang out in my living room.
You get it? "Hang out."
-Oh, wow.
Yeah.
-This next one is really going to
knock you out of your loafers.
-Okay.
-Is that what they say?
-No. Who's -- Who? Who are "they"?
-Oh, people, uh...boaters.
-Here's one to really knock you out of your loafers.
-This one will really knock your socks off.
-The year was 1967.
-Sorry. I'm wrong. It was 1916.
Alright, here we go.
I think you're gonna like this one.
-Okay.
-Actually, I haven't read it yet.
I don't think you'll like it.
-We're waiting.
-This is our last one, right here.
-Oh, no. -But you know what?
We'll be back next Friday with brand-new thank-you notes.
[ Soft music playing ]
Thank you, Pixar, for announcing that Chris Evans
will be Buzz Lightyear in an upcoming film.
Makes sense he'd play Buzz,
since we've already seen his Woody.
Hey, everybody, that's our thank-you notes.