I recently finished the book Elizabeth Smart My Story and I loved it way more than I thought
I would so I thought I'd share it with you guys on this really quick book review so what
I focus on is what helped Elizabeth over come a traumatic situation with out lasting negative
effects how was she able to be so resilient?
Now for those of you who don't know Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped from her home at the age
of fourteen by a transient man who pretended to be a prophet she was then held captive
as one of his "wives" for nine months she lived in a constant state of abuses and fear
but was eventually rescued and returned to her family she's now a happy healthy married
advocate for children's rights now I initially read this book because I wondered if it would
be helpful to share this book with some of my clients who had experienced sexual trauma
and I also resisted reading it because I feared that it would be too heavy to painful to read
and while there definitely were so really painful aspects to this book which I'm sure
would be triggering for many the book never went into any graphic detail I mean I guess
what I'm trying to say is it handled the horrible reality of kidnapping and raping a child in
a way that I would consider helpful and not harmful.
so that being said there were definitely times I was looking forward to the happy conclusion
while I was in the middle of reading about her nine months of suffering as I read through
the book as a trauma therapist I was constantly thinking that the way she was talking was
an indication of the excellent work she'd done in therapy she'd resolved most of the
key crises of trauma for example one of the big problem people who have experienced trauma
experience is this problem with responsibility they feel like it's their fault they feel
shame the feel broken or dirty or unlovable because of what happened to them and Elizabeth
was consistently clear that these actions were the result of the evil choices by evil
people Elizabeth was able to feel that her family would still love her and she was able
to seek out that love from a future husband and eventually got married to a wonderful
man another aspect of trauma that many people experience is this continued sense of fear
so this lack of feeling safe after a traumatic experience and Elizabeth describes how she
felt in a constant state of danger how her compliant actions were always a result of
fear for her safety of that of her family and that after her captor was behind bars
for life she now feels safe from him now many trauma survivors experience the perception
of danger in flashbacks or hyper vigilance or general anxiety but Elizabeth describes
herself as feeling safe so based on her resolving those crises I assumed that she'd done a lot
of work in therapy and I was some what stunned to learn that she didn't do any counseling
or therapy after her ordeal I assumed that reason that she was able to recover was due
to good treatment but I was happy to find out that I was wrong so it's easy for me to
forget that out of all the people who experience trauma I only see the subset of those who
aren't able to recover with out treatment so how did she recover what factors made this
possible now I wan't to say first off do not take any of this as judgement so each person
has their own journey don't blame yourself if yours has been different form hers but
lets see what we can learn from her process one of the really striking parts of her story
was the day after she was rescued she decided to not let her abductor take any more of her
happiness she made a decision to not allow herself any self pity she describes this as
an active choice that she made now number two she grew up in a home with supportive
parents a consistent reliable loving environment this healthy attachment lays the foundation
in our brains for the ability to love ourselves forgive our selves to be consistent and have
emotional stability so after her ordeal she returned to a loving family and community
support and this had to have help her recover so this experience is unlike that of many
trauma victims who grow up in abusive homes were their brains learn that the world is
unsafe that their unlovable that their just objects for pleasure or pain Elizabeth had
a solid foundation of who she was and she returned to a home that was welcoming and
supportive now how much difference does that make many of the trauma victims that I work
with are not only struggling with inner feelings of doubt but their family responds to them
telling about their trauma with blame condemnation or shame or a cold shoulder or unhelpful advice
like gosh leave the past behind you I even had a client who when she finally revealed
to her mother that her stepfather had been sexually abusing her for years her mother
responded by calling her a slut and a homebreaker so Elizabeth's family life helped protect
her from developing a traumatic stress disorder another factor that Elizabeth mentions is
her faith in God through out her entire ordeal there were experiences that reminded her of
God's love for her one such experience that made me sob was when during her first months
of capture they were out of water and she went two days with out water in the intense
summer heat after going to sleep with dry mouths and no water for miles she woke up
in the middle of the night to find a full cup of cool water that had appeared at her
bedside while her captor slept so despite the evil in the world she was able to stay
strong in her faith in God and his love for her another active step that helped her was
gratitude she would sometimes lay awake at night in her captivity after rape and starvation
and deprivation and think of the things she was grateful for her family her future God's
love etc gratitude is a trait of the resilient she also credits horse back riding and music
as two forms of her personal therapy working through emotions and fear ans memories in
a way that healed her on a deep level the last thing that I want to mention is this
statement that also left me a little stunned "and there is also significant historical
precedent that indicated that what I've been able to do is not terribly unusual.
The truth is, history is replete with stories of human suffering.
The world has been full of brutality and abuse and suffering since the beginning of man there
are examples of those who suffered abuse as I did, maybe in different forms, or from different
sources, but I am not the first one to suffer at the hand of an evil man. and there were
other kinds of challenges.
Some of my own ancestors were early pioneers they faced suffering and starvation, the loss
of their children, the loss of other loved ones.
They too endured the gamut of emotions, from utter devastation to lifesaving miracles.But
the human spirit is resilient, God made us so.
He gave us the ability to forgive.
To leave our past behind.
To look forward instead of back.
I'm not the first one who has ever done this.
People have been doing it for generations.
Since the beginning of time, men have found ways to heal.
So what I did may not be so exceptional when you consider he entire scope of human experience."
I love that reminder that was all stem from a millennia of survivors our ancestors have
been doing hard things for thousands of years and we all have the inherent ability to heal
written into our hearts our DNA and our souls thank you Elizabeth for reminding me of this.
Now my mission with Therapy in a Nutshell is to make metal health resources more accessible
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Thanks for watching and take care.
I don't know if you noticed but I am reading from a library book which is great because
I get to get a little peek into the people who read it before me for example flaming
Cheetos finger prints anyone?