I have a confession to make.
And, I'm not very happy about it.
But, you know what? I'm just going to come out here and say it.
When I was 17, I went through this really brief period in my life,
where I thought I was an absolute god at flirting with girls.
And there was this one instance that stood out in my mind in particular, where I was like:
"Damn, I was really good at flirting with that girl! Why did she give me the cold shoulder?"
I met this girl when I was on vacation in Hawaii, and I'd flirt with her in the hot tub every night.
And I was totally hitting it off.
So, right when I got back to California,
I got on my computer and wrote her a little email.
[LAUGHS]
I don't know why we were emailing instead of all other forms of communication,
But we emailed.
And the conversation that I had with her, from what I recall, went something like this:
So, I was amazing at flirting, and this girl was just crazy.
Or, so I thought.
Until I found those emails.
No matter how much it pains me, I'm going to read those emails for you, today.
Well, apparently I had a girlfriend at the time, and I was still flirting with this girl.
That's strike one, for 17-year-old Anthony.
I think I had just learnt what the word 'Ciao' meant, and I was like:
"Dude, this makes me look like a badass foreign guy."
I immediately try to tell her that I'm not a virgin, like that's gonna -
What am I trying to get at?!
Just subtly trying to sneak in there and,
see if she has a boyfriend.
I should've given up at this point,
I have no chance against this rodeo clown.
What the fuck?!
And then I attached a very handsome picture of myself.
This...
...
This went from like 0 to 100 in ONE second.
I think her email was extremely appropriate for how I reacted.
She was obviously joking.
I'm like: "If you're not gonna talk to me about you being a virgin or not, I don't wanna talk to you."
I honestly can't believe I'm the same person I was when I wrote that.
I wanna go back in time and kick myself in the face.
The moral of the story is...
That's all I can handle for today, I'll see you next week.
Goodbye.
CIAO!
[HORROR MUSIC]