• From criminals that send their victims a facebook request to guys that forge money
in the shape of a million dollar bill, we count 15 of the lamest criminals ever to infect
society with their ineptitude 15 - Lumberjack,
• A guy casually walking down the street finds a bike chained to the tree - now, you'd
imagine if he wanted to steal the bike that he'd just cut off the chain with cable cutters,
right?
• Nope, in the middle of the busy street this guy takes out his axe and decides to
cut down the tree - in front of dozens of people
• The whole time he was getting heckled, some people pushing him around - but he was
determined, and after 7 minutes the tree fell, but people chased him away before he could
steal the bike 14 - Book,
• A Polish author called Krystian Bala who brutally murdered another person in the year
2000 - he wasn't caught and he kept writing books
• 3 years after the murder, he wrote a book called Amok in which he describes a very similar
murder to the one he actually committed - a reader tipped off the police, they discovered
several links to the real case • Krystian was caught out and sentenced
for 25 years, simply because he couldn't keep a very basic secret - but at least his book
sales skyrocketed 13 - Phone Number,
• An 18-year-old robber in Chicago tried to rob this muffler shop, but when he busted
in armed to the teeth demanding money - he heard something no robber ever wants to hear
• The money was in the safe, and the only person who could get into the safe was the
manager - who wasn't there • Instead of cutting his losses, this guy
does the unthinkable thing - he writes down his phone number, hands it to the employees
and tells them to ring him back when they have the money
• The instant he walked out the door, the employees called the police, they rang the
robber and had him walk straight back into the shop only to get slapped with handcuffs
12 - Awful Burglary, • This one criminal called Christopher Kron
was so terrible at his profession that he actually made an instructional video on how
NOT to commit burglary • He cites this one time he broke into a
store - the alarm tripped, but he didn't leave even though it was blaring in his ears - the
security company rang the stores phone only for Kron to pick up and supply them with his
REAL NAME • Even after all this all he stole was a
couple of beer bottles, to WHICH HE RETURNED TO THE STORE A DAY LATER and was recognised
by everyone that worked there - he was arrested on the spot
11 - Birth Certificate, • A thief that stole this woman's purse
was in such as rush that he left behind two bags, both of which contained critical information
for the case • For some reason he'd been carrying around
his own birth certificate and, just as damning, a note from his own mother
• What boggles the mind is: if you've decided to steal belongings, why wouldn't you leave
your goddamn birth certificate at home or, and here's a thought, not carry bags full
of ID and forget you have them 10 - Cash Call,
• A 40-year-old criminal called Daniel Glen who tried to rob a convenience store in Ontario
- by calling the person that worked there to ask them how much they had in the cash
register • The instant the call ended, the employee
got the police down there where they found Daniel skulking nearby and arrested him
• Amazingly, Daniel had already tried this tactic several times before, ringing ahead
to make sure the store had money ready for him to collect
9 - Date, • A Swedish man browsing a certain dating
website was annoyed that the 13-year-old girl he'd be attempting to sleep with didn't turn
up at their date • He'd given her almost 100 dollars as an
advance payment, but after she started to ignore him he tried to get himself justice
- by ringing her father to demand she provide a refund because she wouldn't sleep with him
• Suffice to say the Swedish man didn't get a refund - suffice to say his plan would
backfire very, very hard 8 - Facebook,
• This one criminal took this woman's cell phone and almost got away with it - except
when later on he decided to send her a facebook friend request
• She immediately recognised him from his 500+ photos and got his name: Juan Gonzales
Jr • He was arrested and charged with second-degree
burglary and felony theft, but most of all he was charged with being a gigantic idiot
7 - Police House, • A criminal called Darren Kimpton tried
to break into a house, but he cut himself on some glass and in doing so left blood at
the crime scene • Later that day he tried to break into
another place - only to accidentally find himself in a house filled with police officers
• The cops were there investigating an unrelated burglary when they caught Darren attempting
to force his way into the house - when he realised how screwed he was, he tried to make
a run for it, but they quickly subdued him 6 - Crack,
• An older woman who, like all of us, turned to the police in her time of crisis - but
her issue was a bit dodgy • She walked up to a police officer and
asked for help in getting money back because the cocaine she'd bought turned out to be
low quality • She even showed the officer the cocaine,
and then immediately found herself under arrest because, well, she showed an officer the cocaine
5 - Old Woman, • Another story about an old woman, but
this one reaching 95 years old - and although she was confined to a wheelchair, she still
managed to keep a burglar from breaking in • It was at 3am that this woman heard glass
break near her front door, so she picked up a screwdriver and stabbed the hand reaching
through the window again and again while calling for help
• Police arrived and found the burglar passed out on her front porch, bleeding from multiple
stab wounds 4 - Gun Store,
• This one guy Derrick Mosley walked into a gun store wielding a baseball bat and tried
to steal a gun - tried to steal a gun from a gun store - using a baseball bat
• He smashed a glass display case and attempted to take one of the firearms, but things didn't
quite go right for him • Suffice to say, the store's owner laughed
and pulled out a gun, keeping Derrick in his crosshairs until the police could arrive to
arrest him 3 - Million Dollars,
• One older guy called Michael Anthony Fuller who had the balls to create his own counterfeit
money, didn't realise that subtlety is key when he made a visit to walmart to cash in
a million dollar bill • For his $500 purchase he asked for $999,000
in change to which the police were called in - they spent a good deal of time staring
in disbelief at this ludicrous million dollar bill before they slapped him with an attempt
to obtain goods under false pretense 2 - Disguise,
• A 48-year-old criminal called Dennis Hawkins who unsuccessfully tried to rob a bank on
two separate occasions wearing an amazing disguise
• He wore a blonde wig, fake breasts, clown pants and a goatee, trying to pass himself
off as the burliest woman imaginable - with nothing covering his face, which made him
the most conspicuous man on Earth • A gas station attendant later reported
some idiot dressed like a woman had tried to steal a car, and police nabbed him up straight
away 1 - Bad Prisoner
• A 21 year old guy named Frank Singleton, just release from jail - the very first thing
he did after getting released was to visit the prison parking lot and carjack a woman
• Even though he was successful, he got in the car and realised he didn't know how
to drive a manual - he was sent back to jail immediately
• The police asked him why he did it, why he couldn't even wait more than a few minutes
to return to his life of crime, to which Frank replied, "I didn't feel like walking"