-♪ Put on your yarmulke ♪
♪ Here comes Hanukkah ♪
♪ So much funukkah ♪
♪ To celebrate Hanukkah ♪
♪♪
-Tonight is the seventh night of Hanukkah,
and here to sing a Hanukkah song
is Adam Sandler.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That was cool. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks very much.
Well, when I was a kid, this time of year
always -- always made me feel a little left out,
because in school, there were
so many Christmas songs, and all us Jewish kids had
was the song "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel."
And so I wrote a brand-new Hanukkah song
for you Jewish kids to sing,
and I hope you like it.
♪ Put on your yarmulke ♪
♪ Here comes Hanukkah ♪
♪ So much funukkah ♪
♪ To celebrate Hanukkah ♪
♪ Hanukkah is ♪
♪ The Festival of Lights ♪
♪ Instead of one day of presents ♪
♪ We have eight crazy nights ♪
♪ But when you feel like the only kid in town ♪
♪ Without a Christmas tree ♪
♪ Here's a list of people who are Jewish ♪
♪ Just like you and me ♪
♪ David Lee Roth lights the menorah ♪
♪ So does Kirk Douglas, James Caan ♪
and the late Dinah Shore-ah ♪
♪ Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli ♪
♪ Bowzer from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzarelli ♪
♪ Paul Newman's half Jewish,
and Goldie Hawn's half, too ♪
♪ Put them together, what a fine-looking Jew ♪
♪ You...♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
♪ You don't need "Deck the Halls"
or "Jingle Bell Rock" ♪
♪ 'Cause you can spin a dreidel
with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock ♪
Both Jewish.
♪ Put on your yarmulke ♪
♪ Here comes Hanukkah ♪
♪ The owner of the Seattle Supersonic-ah ♪
♪ Celebrates Hanukkah ♪
♪ O.J. Simpson -- not a Jew ♪
♪ But guess who is -- Hall of Famer Rod Carew ♪
He converted.
♪ We got Ann Landers
and her sister, Dear Abby ♪
♪ Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish,
not too shabby ♪
♪ Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is ♪
♪ Well, he's not, but guess who is,
all three Stooges ♪
[ Cheers and applause ] Oh, boy.
♪ So many Jews are in show biz ♪
♪ Tom Cruise isn't, but I think his agent is ♪
♪ Tell your friend Veronica ♪
♪ It's time to celebrate Hanukkah ♪
♪ I hope I get a harmonica ♪
♪ On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah ♪
♪ So drink your gin and tonic-ah ♪
♪ But don't smoke marijuani-kkah ♪
♪ If you really, really wanna-kkha ♪
♪ Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah ♪
Happy Hanukkah, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
-Adam Sandler, everybody.
Yeah. -Thank you. Norm.
-Oh, my God.
"The Great Sand-do." He's a fine-looking Jew.
-Right on! -That's all the news.
Good night.
-Tonight marks the fifth night of Hanukkah,
and here to pitch us on their idea of a great last-minute
Hanukkah gift, please welcome celebrated songwriters
Garth and Kat.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm so sorry we're late. I'm so sorry.
-Sorry about that. -I'm so sorry.
-Sorry. So sorry about that. -So sorry.
-Yeah, it took me longer than usual to manscape.
I'm so sorry.
-And I was taking down our Christmas tree.
-Wait. taking down? Christmas is a week away.
-No, I wasn't taking it down like that.
I was taking it down like, "You suck.
You don't look right."
-Yeah, it deserved it. -It really did.
-Okay, so, I understand you have a brand-new Hanukkah album.
-Yep. -Yep. We sure do.
-Yep. We sure do. Yep.
-Okay, well, I'm really excited to hear some of
your new Hanukkah songs.
What's the name of the album?
-The name of the album? -Oh, thanks for asking.
-It's called "Hanukkah is One of Those Only Things That You're
Sure to Know, and Don't We All?"
-Okay, you -- you have actually written an album, right?
-Yeah! -Uh, yeah. And guess what.
It rocks.
-Yeah, it rocks the Jews all night long.
And here's a song from it.
This one's called "Simon's Dreidel."
-"Simon's Dreidel." Song is cool.
-It's pretty cool, I have to say. Ready?
-You ready?
-♪ Oh-oh-ohhh, oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh-ohhh, oh-oh ♪
♪ They had an idea ♪
♪ An idea ♪
♪ An idea for everyone ♪
♪ And they told it as a secret ♪
♪ They told it as a secret ♪
♪ They spread the word with newspapers ♪
-Hang on. Guys, guys. That...
That does not sound like a written song.
-Sir. Don't, sir. -What? Sir.
Please. Come on. -Don't sir. Don't.
-Sir, we're begging you.
-Sir, we have sung that song for the past four months
on our national tour.
-Yeah. We were in Allentown. -Yep.
-Wilkes-Barre. -Pennsylvania.
-Pittsburgh. -Pittsburgh.
-Harrisburg. -Harrisburg.
-Wait. I thought you said it was a national tour.
These are all places in Pennsylvania.
-Well, we also do Hawaii.
-Yes, we do one night in Hawaii and then one night
in Pennsylvania and then we go back to Hawaii
and then we go back to -- It's --
-It's just -- It's exhausting. -So exhausting.
But our next song is really good.
I think you're gonna like this one.
It's called --
-This one's called "Every Time You Want to Know
the Real, Real Truth, the Best Thing to do is Ask Yourself,
'Cuz? Whut?
Who Knows?'"
-Wait. Can you -- -Right?
-Yep.
-Wait.
Can you say it again? What is it?
-Yeah.
-"If You Ever Want to Know the Whole Truth,
Well, You Better Ask Yourself, 'Cuz? Who knows?'"
-It's just -- It's an old song. -Alright. I got it.
-It's an old one. Here we go. Ready?
-♪ Oh, there was a dreidel I saw ♪
♪ In the snow ♪
♪ And the snow was in a pile ♪
♪ The snow was in a pile of mine ♪
♪ Pile of mine ♪
♪ Dig through the mud again with the shovel in Belgium ♪
-Stop. Stop. Stop. -♪ In Belgium ♪
You clearly have not written anything.
I don't think there's an album at all.
-Oh, you don't think so, huh? -Okay, yeah?
-Well, I guess I'll just show you this.
-What's that? -What do you call this?
-I call that "The Hunger Games" soundtrack.
You guys got to go. -No! Please!
-Come on! -Please!
We came all the way from the Creation Museum.
-Yeah. Moses had a dinosaur. Did you know that?
-Did you know that?
-Okay, you guys have ruined Hanukkah
and you've wasted my time.
You have to go.
-Oh, please. -No, no.
Please. Please. We mean it, for real.
-Yes. We have one song. -We prepared it and everything.
-Yes. It has music. Yes. We're ready to go.
-Yes. And it's very funky. -Yep.
-It's called "Menorah in the Window."
-Yep. Here we go. Ready?
Hit it. -It's very funky.
[ Funk music playing ]
♪ Hanukkah is just eight nights ♪
♪ But our joy will last all year ♪
-Okay, now, this sounds like a real song.
-♪ And I told my uncle I had a couple uncles
with gray, gray hair ♪
♪ Couple of uncles with gray, gray hair ♪
♪ And they celebrate ♪
♪ Celebrate ♪
♪ Celebrate with everyone ♪
-Garth and Kat, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Here to explain the story of Hanukkah is my podiatrist's son
and recent Bar Mitzvah boy Jacob.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hello. Here, Seth.
My dad said to apply this twice a day,
and you've got to start wearing flip-flops in the gym showers.
-Okay, okay. Thank you, Jacob.
Now, I understand that you are here tonight to teach us
the story of Hanukkah.
-That's right.
[ Clears throat ]
"When I first started studying the story of Hanukkah,
I was worried it was going to be boring.
But as I learned more about the powerful tale of the Maccabees,
I realized that it's actually pretty neat."
But don't tell my parents I said that.
-You know, Jacob, that's great, but you don't have to
give a speech, like at your Bar Mitzvah.
You know, you and I can just talk.
-"The story of Hanukkah begins in 165 B.C.E.,
otherwise known as the year my Bubbe was born.
Just kidding, and thank you, Bubbe and Zayde,
for the $18 savings bond,
which I will put towards my college fund.
Although, a couple bucks just might go to
Yankees baseball cards."
-So you like the Yankees? -Seth, have you seen my kippah?
-Oh, that's cool.
Who gave you that?
-"The Maccabee brothers banded together in order to defeat
the evil king Antiochus.
Pretty impressive, since my brother Ethan
can't even defeat cleaning his room.
But, seriously, we might fight sometimes,
but you'll always be my cool older brother."
But don't tell our parents I said that.
-That same parents joke again.
Look, Jacob, why don't we loosen this up a bit.
Did you get any good Hanukkah presents this year?
-"The victorious Maccabees lit the temple lamp,
and even though there was only enough oil for one night,
it burned for eight.
It was a miracle, much like my mother
leaving a sale empty-handed."
-Pretty proud of that one, aren't you, Jacob?
-"Just kidding, and thank you, Mom and Dad,
for the wonderful spread,
especially the sundae bar."
But don't tell my parents I said that.
-Alright. That one didn't make any sense.
Jacob, I feel like this is less the story of Hanukkah
and more like a low-level roast of your family.
-"Well, that's about all for me."
-Okay.
-"But I'd like to thank Rabbi Rosie and Cantor Ben David
for helping me hit this one out to the park,
my Zayde for coming,
because this is the last one he's traveling for..."
-Okay.
-"...and all of my camp friends and all of my school friends,
who I ask to please not speak to each other,
because my stories will not line up.
And thank you, Seth, for having me here at the beautiful
'Weekend Update' desk.
And to all, a happy Hanukkah."
-Give it up for Jacob, everyone, my podiatrist's son.
-Thank you for having me, Seth. -Thank you.
You're a very smart young man.
♪♪
-You're watching Turner Classic Movies.
-Welcome back to Turner Classic Movies.
I'm Ben Mankiewicz.
Tonight, we'll look at 1946's "It's a Wonderful Life."
This classic film tells the story of George Bailey,
played by Jimmy Stewart, who receives a lesson in optimism
from his fellow man at Christmastime.
But it wasn't always that way.
The film was originally made as a Hanukkah movie titled
"This You Call a Wonderful Life?!"
No footage of the Hanukkah version has ever been seen,
until now.
[ Bells tolling ]
[ Horn honks ] -Yeah!
Happy Hanukkah! Happy Hanukkah, everybody!
Happy Hanukkah, Greenberg's Delicatessen!
Happy Hanukkah, you wonderful old Cohen's Brassieres.
Happy Hanukkah to everyone in Scarsdale!
♪♪
Mary. Mary. -George! Oh, George!
-Oh! What's going on? What's everyone doing here?
-Oh, George, when people heard your Building and Loan
was in trouble, they all came over.
-Oh. Wow.
All of you here in my time of need to bring me some hope.
-Hope? It's hopeless!
You've been accused of embezzlement.
This is a catastrophe!
-Oh. Moishe, you know, that's not very helpful.
You know, you're just making me more nervous.
-George, don't worry.
When we heard you were in trouble, we snapped into action.
-Wow! You -- you mean you all chipped in
and -- and brought the $8,000 I owe?
-No. We brought food. -Yes. We brought food
-I brought two types of rugelach and a chocolate babka.
Do you have any coffee? -None made.
[ All grumbling ]
-She has 40 people over to her house
and she doesn't think to make coffee?
-Oh, it's alright.
I brought 1/2 a pound of lox spread from Hertzel's.
The best! -Oh, again with Hertzel's.
Their corned beef is too fatty!
-If it's so fatty, get the lean!
They have lean!
-While "It's a Wonderful Life" displayed
the hope and optimism of Christmas,
this film displayed the anxiety of a Hanukkah gathering.
For example, the argument you just saw over a deli
lasts for 43 minutes.
Fun fact -- only Jimmy Stewart was mic'd.
The other actors in the film required no amplification.
-Alright, alright.
I'll give you that Goldman's makes a decent pickle.
-Thank you.
-But Hertzel's is still better for groups!
-Alright, everyone just quiet down.
Quiet down.
Enough with the complaints about the food, alright?
You know, why do you keep going to these restaurants
if you don't even like them?
I need help, not complaining.
-Hey, everyone, everyone, listen up.
George, you got a telegram from your old pal Sam Weinbach.
-Oh, good. Oh, Good. Hee-haw, Sam!
You know, he'll help save my business.
It says, "Dear George. Stop.
This telegram crook charges by the word. Stop."
And that's it.
-Oh, no. Oh, no.
This -- this holiday's turning into a real downer.
You know, what -- what am I gonna do?
-Don't worry. The rabbi's here.
[ Indistinct conversations ] -This is a great honor.
The rabbi only comes to everything.
-Shalom, George.
You may be troubled, but at this time,
remember the meaning of Hanukkah.
The Maccabees only had enough oil for one night,
but it lasted for eight nights.
Some miracles can happen, you see?
Pass the Manischewitz. -Yeah, thank you, Rabbi.
-Ah! A toast, George. ♪♪
To George Bailey, the nicest goy in town.
-L'chaim! -L'chaim!
[ Bell jingles ]
-Hey! Hey! You hear that bell?
-Dad! Daddy! Daddy!
What -- what is it, Zuzu?
-Dr. Bernstein says that every time a bell rings,
you should get your prostate checked.
-This you call a wonderful life?!
♪♪
[ Bell tolling ]
[ Bell jingles ]
-After several test screenings, it was decided
that the Christmas version was more uplifting,
and this "Wonderful Life" was shelved.
The director went on to try a Hanukkah version of
"A Miracle on 34th Street" called
"A Mitzvah on West 84th Street."
For Turner Classic Movies, I'm Ben Mankiewicz.
♪♪