Receiving a compliment graciously absolutely contributes to
that feeling of connection, that feeling of intimacy.
I think it's human nature
it's certainly part of the wooing process.
Every relationship starts out with
this wonderful conversation of, like, why I was so attracted to you, why I thought
you were so amazing because you were so smart and so funny and
so handsome.
Go on...
Laura, welcome to our space. This is mostly still the set that we had for
our last episode in which we delved into the importance of compliments
in relationship. And what we noticed yesterday is people seem to have
trouble accepting compliments and I wanted to ask you, why is that?
Well I think we all feel a little vulnerable when we're receiving a
compliment because
really were under the spotlight for that brief moment and if someone is
complimenting you on something that you don't believe is true about yourself
in a way you feel fraudulent so there's a little bit a discomfort. There's also
some pleasure,
but I think a lot of us have been trained to deflect that attention,
to deflect that spotlight
so that people don't think we're conceded.
Which do you think requires, you know, more vulnerability and courage
to give a compliment or to receive a compliment graciously?
I think it's absolutely more vulnerable to receive that compliment because
you're out of control
in that moment you have no idea what the compliments going to be.
So maybe, someone gives you a compliment on your hair and you're thinking,
Oooh, I haven't washed it today
and yeah everyone's now looking at your hair.
So you can feel really out of control.
So, is it, would you say healthier to just accept the compliment and say thank you or
should you also give a compliment back? What's the best way to
to handle a compliment?
Well, for me, one of the great things that I learned was just receiving the compliment graciously
in a way, was also giving. I always think about a gift. If I wrap up a present I'm like,
Oh, they're gonna love this
and then I hand it to them and they go
"Oh, how did you know, I love this, I'm so excited." That feels great for me.
and the same is true with a compliment and if someone's willing to receive that
then I get a connection with them. Do you think people when they hear
an honest compliment from somebody whose opinion they value, does that
you know, show that they they know each other well?
they're, you know, intimate and strong. It certainly is a way of...for the other person to say
"I see you" and that's such an important part of
intimacy. We all have a deep need to be seen and understood,
to be heard, to be loved. So this compliment
is all those things and by rejecting it we're actually rejecting the giver
and the connection that we should have had, we could have had.
Yeah it's interesting too how how detrimental a rejected compliment is
to the party that's giving it and how we just deflect because
it makes us uncomfortable. We don't realize the impact that has on the other person.
Yes, in fact one of the things that we find that women who become good receivers
often appear much more confident than they did.
We have this expression, Things will get as good as you can stand.
With the compliments if you can let them land and take them in and just be with that
then that's actually going to expand your capacity for self confidence.
Laura, thank you so much for coming in, I really appreciate it, it's great talking to you.
Aw, it's been my pleasure, thank you.
Thank you.
SoulPancake!
Subscribe!