- Hey, the mails here.
What you get?
- Let's see.
Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary.
Hey, a magazine!
That's funny.
I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
- [Both] Wow.
- Look at these glossy depictions
of a higher standard of living.
This guys so rich he has a swimming pool
in his swimming pool.
- [Patrick] This guys got shoes.
- Give me that.
Stealing my mail, eh?
- Hey, Squidward.
How do the people in that magazine get all that money?
- They're entrepreneurs.
They sell things to people.
- Quick, Patrick.
Without thinking, if you could have anything
in the world right now, what would it be?
- Uh, more time for thinking.
- No, something real, an item.
Something you would pay for.
- [Patrick] A chocolate bar?
- That's a great idea, Pat.
We'll be traveling chocolate bar salesmen.
Good afternoon, sir.
Could we interest you in some chocolate?
- Chocolate?
Did you say chocolate?
- Yes, sir.
With or without nuts.
- Chocolate?
Chocolate?
Chocolate!
Choc...
(upbeat music) (doorbell ringing)
- Okay, first guy didn't count.
- Hello?
- I love you.
(romantic classical music)
- I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal.
Let me try.
(bell ringing)
- Please, go away.
- Um (clearing throat).
How you doing?
- How am I doing?
- [SpongeBob] Want to buy some chocolate?
- We've got him now!
- Sorry, chocolate has sugar
and sugar turns to bubbling fat.
Isn't that right, blubber boy?
(giggling)
- It tickles.
- As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.
You can keep that for five bucks.
- I'll take 10.
- I can't understand what we're doing wrong.
- I can't understand anything.
- There must be something to this selling game
that we're just not getting.
Other people do it.
I mean, look at that.
- [Patrick] Eat Barnacle Chips.
They're delicious.
- They are most certainly not delicious.
- Not the way I use 'em.
- Yet, they sell millions of bags a day.
- Well maybe if they didn't stretch the truth
they wouldn't sell as many.
- That's it, Patrick.
We've got to stretch the truth.
- [First Guy] Chocolate!
- We'll work as a team.
Let me get this customer warmed up
and then you come in for the kill.
- The kill.
(doorbell ringing)
- Yes?
- Hello, young lady.
(Patrick giggling)
We're selling chocolate.
Is your mother home?
- Mom!
- What, what, what's all the yelling?
You just can't wait for me to die, can you?
- [Old Woman] They're selling chocolate.
- [Older Woman] Chocolate?
- Yeah. - What?
What are they selling?
- Chocolates!
- What?
- Chocolates!
- I can't hear you.
- They're selling chocolates!
- They're selling chocolates?
- Yeah!
- Chocolate.
I remember when they first invented chocolate.
Sweet, sweet chocolate.
I always hated it.
- Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating.
It's for--
- You rub it on your skin
and it makes you live forever.
- No, no.
- Live forever, you say? - No, no.
- I'll take one.
Come on, you lazy Mary.
Start rubbing me with that chocolate.
- I hate you.
- Don't get me wrong, Patrick,
but there's no one left in town
to sell chocolate bars to.
Whoa.
Let's face it, Patrick.
We're failures.
- I can live with that.
(booming thud)
(playful squeaking)
- [SpongeBob] Let's change our names to Why and Bother.
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Chocolate!
- No, no don't hurt us. (crying)
- Please spare me. - No, please don't hurt me.
(cackling manically)
- Finally,
I've been trying to catch you boys all day.
Now that I've got you right where I want you!
I'd like to buy all your chocolate.
(blowing raspberry)
(soft boinging)
(whimsical whirring)
- Thank you for your patronage.
- Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?
- Not yet, pally.
First we got to spend all the money.
- But what are we gonna spend it on?
- Good evening, sir.
Table for one, please.
- Sorry but the whole restaurant
has been rented to a private party.
- But it's my only night to be fancy.
Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restaurant.
- Oh a couple of rich entrepreneurs
and their dates.
- So, how long have you two ladies known each other?
- What, what did he say?