-I want to get into "Bring the Funny."
But I also want to hear about what's happening with your life.
How's it going? What's new?
What have you been up to?
-Life's good. Good summer.
My mom's flip phone finally broke.
-Wow! Wow!
-Yes. -That's a big deal.
-Big deal. Big deal.
So... -Finally.
-...we got Mom her first iPhone.
-Oh, no. Oh, no.
-And if you said to me tonight,
"Jeff, I give you the choice
between teaching your mother how to text
or teaching your dog how to wipe his butt"...
-Yeah.
-I would say, "Hand me the toilet paper.
Let's give that a shot."
-Wow. Teaching her how to use an iPhone.
No way. -And she loves this thing.
So she calls me, like, last week.
And I answered, 'cause I didn't have anything to do
for an hour and a half.
And so... [ Laughter ]
So, I'm talking to my mom.
And during the conversation,
she mentions that there had been a couple of break-ins
in her neighborhood.
And I said, "Well, Mom, you know,
that's kind of concerning."
She said, "I know."
She goes, "That's why I'm thinking about
getting my carry permit."
[ Light laughter ]
My mom is 83 years old.
-Oh, no.
-Her eyesight is bad. Her hearing is worse.
And she has the balance of Ron White after midnight.
And now she's thinking about getting a pistol.
[ Laughs ] And I said, "Mom."
I said, "Call me ultra, you know, worrywart,
but maybe you shouldn't be packing heat
if you're wearing a Life Alert."
You know? [ Laughter ]
-No. -I mean, what do you say?
So I'm trying to talk her through this.
And I said -- I said, "Mom."
I said, "I hope loading the thing is not going to be
more difficult than opening a jar of pickles,
or you're going to be in trouble."
Well, 'cause she's got arthritis in her thumbs.
And then I started thinking,
"I bet I could get her a commercial out of it."
You know, it's like, "My arthritis had gotten so bad,
I could barely jack a round into the chamber."
[ Laughter ]
"But thanks to new, improved Bufferin,
I can make it rain, dawg."
-Oh, my gosh.
-"You feel me?"
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Mom.
-I just see her, like, sorting her bullets
in her pill boxes and everything.
-Oh, my gosh.
-So I hung up and I said to my wife --
I said, "Well, I know what to get Mom for Christmas."
I said, "I'm getting her the magnetic holster
she can put on the side of her walker.
And I'm getting her husband the bulletproof vest
he can wear underneath his cardigan sweater,
just in case she goes spider monkey
during the 'Wheel of Fortune.'"
So... [ Laughter ]
-"Wheel of Fortune" argument.
-Yeah, right? [ Applause ]
Let's talk about "Bring the Funny," if you don't mind.
Congrats on this show. It's a hit show on NBC.
It's you, Chrissy Teigen, Kenan Thompson.
I love the show 'cause I love any form of comedy.
-Yeah. -I just love to laugh.
-Well, I think the thing that's fun about it --
Anytime you've ever seen a comedy competition on TV,
it's always stand-up.
And I'm a stand-up. I love stand-up.
But kind of the idea with the show was, "A," the timing of it.
If the country ever needs to laugh, it's now.
-Yeah. -You know?
And to me, laughter is always like the release valve
that keeps the boiler from exploding.
You know, you got to laugh, and so we kind of thought,
"All right, we don't care how you do it.
It can be sketch. It can be music acts.
It can be comedy magic. Just make us laugh.
Bring the funny." And so that's what we're doing.
I mean, we got stand-ups going up against sketch acts.
-Ventriloquists. -Ventriloquists, puppets.
You name it, we got it. -Which I always love.
-Yeah.
-I love watching these shows because I always think, like,
well, you got to get your start somewhere.
And this is a good way -- Even if you don't win --
I mean, have you ever been a contestant
on one of these type of -- -Oh, God, yeah.
I mean, a lot of -- And I try to tell the guests that,
is that, you know, "Just because you don't go to the next level
doesn't mean you're not going to be doing this
for the rest of your life."
And so I try to point out things.
Like, I remember the first time I ever did "The Tonight Show."
Blake Clark -- You know Blake.
-[ Deep voice ] Of course, Blake Clark.
-[ Deep voice ] Blake Clark.
-[ Normal voice ] Love Blake Clark.
-Blake drove all the way over to NBC to tell me,
"Look, when you're doing TV, you get nervous and you go faster.
So when you think you're going too slow, slow down."
I've remembered that for 30 years.
You know, so I'll tell the contestants,
'cause a lot of them, it's their first time on TV.
It's like, "When you're doing TV, slow down.
Set your pace."
And so it's nice to be able to kind of --
You know, it's almost like handing the baton,
taking these things people taught you
and handing them to the next generation.
-You told me a good story backstage
about "The Tonight Show" when you were on Johnny Carson.
-Oh, yeah. I was telling somebody this.
So this was always my dream as a comic
to be on "The Tonight Show."
And so when I was growing up, it was Carson.
You know, that was the top of Mount Everest.
-Sure. -And so I finally get to Johnny.
And, you know, back in those days,
you didn't know if you were going -- You did your stand-up.
But if Johnny didn't like you, he'd clap.
If he liked you, he'd do this.
If he loved you, he'd call you over.
And so you're scared to look after your six minutes,
'cause it's like Caesar.
You know, do you live or die?
And so Johnny called me over. And I'm like, "Oh, my God."
And then sit in the chair.
So we go to commercial, and Ed McMahon leans over.
And he goes, "Hey, how come you never did 'Star Search'?"
And I said, "'Cause I've auditioned for you six times
and you turned me down every single time.
But now I'm talking to Johnny! So you slide on down there!"
-That's right. Six times?
-Yeah, right? -That's awesome.
Kids, learn something from this funny human being.
Jeff Foxworthy, everybody.
"Bring the Funny" airs Tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. on NBC.