[music]
[Questioner] I have two questions.
The first one is about sadness.
[Mooji] About? [Q.] Sadness.
[Mooji] Is it the more important one of the two questions?
[Mooji] Of the two questions, give me the best one first.
[Mooji] Because if you give the less important one first,
[Mooji] then your mind will be on the second question, waiting.
[Q.] OK, the other one. [laughter]
The other one is about relationships. [laughter]
[Mooji] I think this is the important one. [Q.] Yes. [laughter]
[Mooji] The relationship and then the sadness. [laughter]
[Mooji] I am only joking.
[Q.] It's about when I am in a relationship, when I feel near,
when I feel very intimate with a person
and there comes a separation
or the person pushes me away,
I totally freak out.
[Mooji] Yes, yes.
[Q.] There is a feeling, it's like an automatic reaction.
It comes by itself.
[Mooji] Automatic reaction. [Q.] Automatically, yes.
[Mooji] Why do they push you away?
[Q.] Because I want to catch. [Mooji] Yes.
[Mooji] You want to hold something.
It's too much for another person.
It's nice only for a short while. It's nice only for a short while.
Somebody who feels insecure, maybe, they may like this.
'You need me', but after a while it's too much.
You must not try to catch anybody.
You are not a spider. [laughter]
It's a reaction that comes inside because something feels
maybe you are not worthy enough by yourself, without any technique.
Then, already, it's not such good ground. You must be aware of this.
Not that you can be automatically strong like that.
But relationships also offer some opportunity to discover what is true,
and to discover what within ourself is so quick to compromise.
[Q.] Yes, I can see. But it's still there.
[Mooji] Then it's a good thing you come to satsang
because you can begin to look at this tendency to cling.
Or it may be a fear of rejection, or something like this.
Relationships don't work by trying, like you try so hard.
It doesn't work like that. They don't work.
There has to be a freedom.
There has to be an inner strength,
a clarity, a wisdom - all of these things.
It doesn't work on, 'How much you give', 'I give so much'.
It's not a payment.
And how much you try, and you try, and you talk -
it doesn't work, it pushes people away.
Because this is too beautiful to try.
Something must come and it must be there as a freedom.
If you are aware of this, intuitively you know when to allow space.
All this will come.
I believe you must also make use of this insight.
You've come now and you see that there is something that feels,
'I need to hold this thing'.
It's the same thing with freedom also. Sometimes, you feel, 'Ah'.
As soon as you realize the true state, you feel the immensity of Being,
something goes, 'How can I keep it?'
This one is the same one in the relationship.
'How can I keep it?'
How are you going to keep it?
A relationship is not something to keep.
It's to be enjoyed out of your freshness.
In your strength, you find that everything becomes more pure.
Everything wants to be with you, when you are empty of intention.
Too much intention creates tension.
When you are empty of this need, from any kind of need,
and this is not an arrogance,
it means, in your natural state of being, you don't need,
you don't need to be approved of.
You don't even feel you need to be loved.
Can you imagine such a thing,
being in a place where you don't even need, you don't need to be loved?
It's a very quiet place.
In this place, your love becomes very open,
very broad, very beautiful, very strong.
But, for now, I am not asking you to jump over this thing.
I say, Look at what it is that feels, 'Anything good, I must grab it'.
Just look at that.
Who is doing this?
Who needs this thing?
And be very, very quiet with this kind of question.
Just be very quiet.
In fact, I am going to ask you to do this exercise.
Maybe tell me tomorrow what happened.
Just look and feel this, recreate that scenario in your mind
and see what comes up and feels, 'Arghh',
if you are going to be abandoned or left, something is behaving like this.
Take a look. What are you afraid of?
Push it to the extreme.
Go to the extreme in your image and see what will be the worst.
In the worst case what is going to happen? How is it going to feel?
And see who suffers it. Who really is suffering it?
But don't forget that you are also observing.
So these three things.
One is, what do you imagine is going to happen if your fear comes true?
That you are going to be rejected.
You cannot keep what you want to keep and you'll feel pain.
Already, I look in your eyes, I see, 'Arghh, something is going to leave'.
Then you go and see what happens.
So you are left now, abandoned. 'Don't want you!'
Then feel what comes up
but also be very present in the place where you are looking.
And be at the same time with the feeling.
See what happens. What are you afraid of?
This is very intelligent work: looking at it.
And then, somehow, you feel maybe the worst feelings
of what you imagine is going to happen.
And then see, actually who really is suffering it.
See if you can identify the one who is suffering it.
Don't fall inside the story though, just look.
Be very present, that you are looking at this, but at the same time,
give it the best shot at really trying to see and look.
You can do this with any feeling, any kind of thought, you can do it.
Then you will come to see what is functioning in your name
and find out, is it really you?
Or is it just some kind of image, that is a projection of your mind?
And some space will come.
And that space will be something very important to recover again.
Do not be afraid of this experience. Invite it even!
Next time you invite the experience to come and throw the best punch.
'Throw the best punch. Go to extreme.
But I will look at you only through my eyes.'
Look. Don't interfere. Don't judge. Don't interpret. See if you can do it.
It's a skill that you will quickly develop
because the fruits of your looking are so sweet.
It will be sweeter than any relationship, to discover your freedom.
'Aah, I am free of this thing.'
'It wasn't that I needed this thing
but what is more important
is that I see that I am free of the need to be this.'
And amazingly, amazingly, when that space is cleaned inside you,
what a beautiful attraction also.
People want to come.
If you have some agenda in your mind,
already you have an eye on someone, 'Hmm'.
And then you start to get all your best fire power together ...
But they will smell it.
If they are a bit intuitive, they'll smell, 'This one's dangerous'.
'She's going to hit me on the head and pull me inside and I am finished.'
But, honestly, this is a good thing to do.
Any sort of thing that you feel
is keeping your mind or your attention trapped in a kind of scenario,
which you're afraid of, then you start to protect.
We protect our fears and our attachments, our sense of vulnerability.
And it's not a good way to go through life at all, as you know.
I don't even have to tell you, because it takes so much energy.
So this is a way to go through these things.
If you like, if you've really understood what I am asking,
then look at it.
I don't know if you're able to do it
outside of the actuality of the situation, but some people can do it.
They can really re-present and create
their worst case scenario of suffering.
And they can really be present and watch what happens inside.
If you are able to do this, it will be a very good exercise for you.
And please, come, and give me some feedback on what you have found.
[Q.] OK, yes, I think, I can.
[Mooji] Yes.
...and don't forget that you are also observing... [music]
Video extract from the Satsang DVD 'Don't fight with Mind'
13th January 2012 Tiruvannamalai, India