I vividly remember the vigilant eye that
the teachers at my school kept on my
mother she was the one that they would
normally frown upon not me
there was actually just one Friday in my
life that she could come to pick me up
from school because it was my birthday
my teacher greeted her with the phrase
oh you must be Irene's mom the girl who
we call the motherless child I admit
that my mother has never exactly been a
mom by the book
like many like many families of the
children that my sister and I befriended
over the years our family moved around
the world following the career of one of
our parents but what made our family
unique is that we didn't do this for our
fathers career but for our mothers this
made us suspicious in my schools many of
my teachers who never saw my mother
around school found this unacceptable
but it wasn't just the teachers growing
up I discovered how many people believed
and still do believe that a woman can
either have a career or be a good mother
that you can't have both but my mother
is and has always been both things and
more importantly I think that being a
so-called motherless child is probably
one of the best things that's ever
happened to me I feel like a lot of the
women that I know that have to balance
work and family are constantly stressing
about how pursuing their careers will
impact their children later in life it's
strange to me because most of these
conversations seem to focus on the
hypothetical negative effects instead of
on the hypothetical positive effects
that this could have on their children I
guess that I find this strange because I
feel like I'm living proof of the
positive let me just give you one
example because my sister and I grew up
with a career-oriented mother and father
we feel and think differently about
gender inequality on our way from
kindergarten to college
our mother moved from being a medical
director in Spain to becoming the CEO of
a major pharmaceutical company and a
member of several boards having a CEO
mother also made our father out of the
ordinary and when the Spanish government
introduced paternity leave
in 1995 I think he must have been one of
the first men in Spain to take it even
though even though it was our mother's
job that moved us our dad also worked so
when they were home they took on all the
responsibilities together or
interchangeably and as a result we never
saw traditional gender roles in our
house what we did see was two people
working in careers that they loved while
raising a family so that as adults we
have also taken on careers that we are
truly passionate about and having seen
how far our mother has come we also
believe that we can get it far ahead in
our careers as any of our male
colleagues and we are not the only
daughters with a working mother who
think this way I studied that at Harvard
that surveyed 50,000 adults in 24
developed countries found that having a
mother who works can actually transmit
positive gender attitudes to children
this study also found that daughters of
working mothers have more fulfilling
careers enjoy higher pay and have more
equal relationships than those raised by
stay-at-home mothers I'm still
relatively early in my career but it's
never occurred to me that I couldn't
have it all and I have my mother to
thank for that
but I'd be lying to you if I told you
that our mothers demanding career was
always fun and game for us growing up it
was particularly difficult when she
would suddenly come up to us and tell us
that we were moving again just as our
new home had started feeling permanent
we'd have to say goodbye it got worse as
we grew older because we actually
understood what changing cities wouldn't
would imply new school new friends new
life but we'd always adapt I think that
a lot of women worry about putting their
careers first because this might be
disruptive to their children
like pulling them away from routine or
friends could be a bad thing but just
because our mother's demanding career
meant that my sister and I were
constantly having to adapt we have seen
that change and that being different can
be good when I was five I started taking
ballet classes and I remember getting
there on the first day and finding all
of the other girls looking so pretty in
their pale pink leotards and suddenly
realizing that what I was wearing was
completely wrong
my mother had packed me a blue and white
sailor like bathing suit
I guess because she hadn't had time to
go and buy me the pink leotard in that
moment I was embarrassed and frustrated
her for not having had paid enough
attention to this and when I got home
and told her my personal drama she told
me something that has stayed with me to
this day she said you'll see how next
time you go to ballet your name is
probably one of the only names that your
teacher remembers out of all the other
girls in pink leotards in your class she
was right even though it was hard for me
in the moment being different served me
well in the end and since my name was
one of the only names that my teacher
could remember she chose me to help her
with small things like taking attendance
and of course as a young girl I love the
extra attention and responsibility my
mother has also taught me that being
yourself is usually the best way to go
she holds true to herself like no one
else that I know when she was in a way
on business she was always up and
dressed before I got up and I was always
in bed when she got home I'll always
remember lying in bed listening to the
sound of her high heels clicking on the
floor to this day 4 inch extravagant
high heels are an extension of our
mothers feet whether she's walking
through the countryside cooking up ayah
for us on the weekends or dashing
through airports she's always in her
heels that's just who she is I feel that
many people tend to think about being a
mother like a job and that you could be
a better or a worse mom depending on how
your mothering skills stack up to some
kind of standard but there's no need to
be thinking
about being better or worse just about
how to be the best version of yourself
that you that you can if you do this
your your children will love you for the
authentic you my mother has always been
the most authentic version of herself
which is the high heels high-powered
never home business version combined
with the not doing any sports ever
version and the cooking by a young
version and we have loved her no matter
what which brings me to my final point a
point unloved perhaps the most important
lesson that I've learned from my mother
is this you don't always have to be
together to love and be loved
our mother's demanding career meant that
she was often away from our family when
I was in high school she actually lived
in Paris and she commuted back to Madrid
only on the weekends I feel like a lot
of women worried about pursuing their
careers because their absence will take
a toll on their children I think they
worried that if they're not around their
children will feel abandoned but
honestly just because my mother was not
always in the same place as me she was
actually ever-present one summer I was
coming back home from the swimming pool
in my car and I ran out of gas in the
middle of the street I started freaking
out and I didn't know what to do so I
called my mom she wasn't even in Madrid
that weekend but to me she was still the
only person that it made sense to call
because I knew that no matter where she
was or what she was doing she would
still pick up the phone and come to my
rescue sure enough to dial tones later
and after asking me a million questions
that let her know that I was okay she
called me down and she assured me that
she was gonna take care of it
30 minutes later my aunt showed up
carrying a bottle of gasoline my mother
has always been there for us when we
really needed her she didn't have to be
physically present to show love worrying
paying attention and letting someone
know that you care does not require that
and maybe not being present all of the
time makes the moments when you are all
the more special and valuable in fact I
also think that you can be physically
present and not show love at all the
many children whose parent who don't
feel loved whose parents are home all of
the time the bottom line is this if your
children know that you care they will
feel your love I wanted to share the
story from my perspective the child's
not the mothers because I would like to
encourage more mothers and more women to
follow their career with passion and not
feel guilty not long ago a woman asked
me if I hated my mother for having
pursued her career with such passion
clearly this woman feared that she was
failing as a mother herself given her
own accomplished career despite
everything she had achieved she judged
herself by other standards and values I
didn't know if I should smile or cry
when she asked me this question I was
tempted to tell her one of my mother's
favorite quips which is that my sister
and I were both born on a Sunday quote
so that I could be back at the office
on Monday and quote but the real answer
to that question is no of course I don't
hate my mother for pursuing her career
in fact I love her even more so please
trust me when I say that we children
turn out pretty ok even if our mothers
aren't home all of the time I dare to
say we are even more well-rounded more
prepared for work ourselves and more
independent and of course if the love is
real we will feel it no matter where you
are thank you
[Applause]