- A while ago, I got my butt to a yoga class
for the first time in a long time.
Over the months at my local studio,
I had become friendly with a girl I often saw there.
Every so often, we'd grab an iced coffee after class
and we'd have a good chat.
One time, she mentioned that she was single
and asked if I might know anyone for her.
I told her I would think about it and I meant it!
A few mornings later,
I waved, smiled and went to give her a hug
when I saw her rolling out her mat.
I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
I think feeling hurt, she said to me,
"Susie, I was so worried I offended you
"or went too far in our talk last time."
"What?" I thought, "Absolutely not!
"Why would you think that?"
I was surprised.
And she said that she sent me a message recently
and I didn't reply.
But honestly, I didn't remember even receiving it
because it was a crazy week for me
when I was finishing one of my books.
Despite clearing the air,
I couldn't help but think the entire class,
what might all of us in this room
and everywhere in the world,
might be holding on to that isn't even true?
What suffering may we be inflicting on ourselves
for no reason at all?
It reminded me of the brilliant Mark Twain quote,
"I've lived through some terrible things in my life,
"some of which actually happened."
As the founder of a multi-million dollar coaching business
and a former Fortune 500 company sales director,
I'm very familiar with getting knock backs
and facing rejection.
And I think my resilience is one of my best qualities.
And in this video, I'm sharing my top tips for releasing
wild assumptions of things that hurt you or harm you,
even if they make you crazy and keep you up at night.
But first, if you haven't already,
be sure to hit the Subscribe button and the little bell icon
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because we're dropping more and more juicy content.
Number one, ask yourself, "What if me feeling hurt
"isn't actually about me at all?"
Have you ever thought that if someone's not responsive,
they're abrupt or even a little bit rude,
they might be going through some stuff
that has nothing to do with you?
Take yourself, and your ego,
out of the equation for a second.
One time I was really scared that my boss was upset with me
because she didn't talk to me for a few days,
and even avoided eye contact in meetings.
It turned out she was getting fired.
Number two, if I did make a slip-up, what did I learn?
Most minor slip-ups, which are the vast majority
of any perceived mistakes we make,
can benefit by teaching us something.
There is no such thing as a life without mistakes,
so, take something useful from each minor mishap if you can.
Can you apologize quickly
if you think you maybe did something wrong?
And then, just find out the truth for clarity?
Like in my yoga instance,
the truth might really surprise you.
Number three, think,
"Is this a really a rejection or setback
"or is something better waiting for me?"
How many times in your life have you looked back
and realized the job, the love interest, the apartment,
were not meant to be yours
as something much better arrived afterwards?
I can say "Check!" to hundreds of these experiences.
And it makes me laugh, often with relief, now.
Number four, ask yourself, "Will I care about,
"or even remember this in six months' time?"
My guess, heck no!
It will be a blip in your memory,
you probably won't even be able to recall,
if you're pressed.
Test this theory,
can you remember what you were worrying about six months ago
on this exact date?
And if not, why worry now?
Number five, read the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Rules two and three are life changing.
Number two is don't take anything personally.
He says, "Whatever happens around you,
"don't take it personally.
"Nothing other people do is because of you.
"It's because of themselves."
And number three is don't make assumptions.
In it, Ruiz says,
"If others tell us something, we make assumptions,
"and if they don't tell us something,
"we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know
"and to replace the need to communicate."
"Even if we hear something and we don't understand,
"we make assumptions about what it means,
"and then, believe the assumptions.
"We make all sorts of assumptions
"because we don't have the courage to ask questions."
So, if someone is intentionally unkind, snappy, or rude,
it's a pure reflection of them not feeling so great,
not about you at all.
Can you give them a pass?
You can have that mini mental rant, if you need one,
and then, let it go.
It's massively empowering and very simple!
Other people's behavior
doesn't have anything to do with you.
What assumption can you release right now?
Is there something you might like to clarify with somebody?
Maybe there's no point at all in feeling upset.
Don't suffer, ask questions, don't take things personally.
If you succeed in any of this,
please share your wisdom with us in the comments below.