No Country was the first film to abandon the whole Christian good/evil karmic balance supposition.
What’re you doing?
I’m highlighting the parts of Harry Potter that support Dumbledore being gay.
(Dumbledore) Love.
It’s for a collage.
College?
But he gets hit by a car at the end, he gets punished.
Yeah, but then he gets right back up and-
Grasped his wand!
It could go either way.
You know what’s stupid about Harry Potter?
No, no!
You know what’s stupid about Harry Potter?
We’re doing Coen brothers tonight, we said we were going to have one classy night.
I got notecards, I made notecards!
It’s like a secret wizard world, right? And we’re not supposed to know about it.
I don’t actually know about it, I don’t know anything about Harry Potter.
By doing this you are locking me out of this conversation.
Okay, you can’t question magic, it’s magic! I mean you can’t get hung up on the details of some nerd world.
Have you met... us?
I don’t even care about the magic, okay? I’m not questioning why they never use the timeturner again
even though why not? Why the hell not? All I’m saying is, the wizard world is supposed to be a secret.
There is the bureau of muggle affairs.
Oh no, Soren, no! Come on!
Sorry, Dan. They’re like ambassadors who can shoot fireballs at you.
And then there’s lord Vol...mont. Snake-face.
No way that’s his name.
You’re not supposed to say his name.
And if he wins, then the whole world's destroyed.
Consumed by darkness. Dumbledore refers to it as a great swallowing.
Oh!
But not just the wizards, everyone gets killed.
And instead of sharing that information with their international allies, the wizarding community just finds
a wounded orphan boy and is like, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s going to take care of it.”
Because you fight fire with fire. Wizards are supernatural, what help is a muggle going to be?
There’s a bunch of us, and we have helicarriers and assault rifles.
We killed Hitler, Hussein, and Houdini, you think we can’t nuke Volderman into next week?
He has limitless dark power.
That he has to aim through a wand. We can shoot people with a thousand rockets from space.
With iPhones.
Dude does live on the back of another dude’s head... not exactly an ideal seat of power.
It was negligent of the wizards not to warn us when we were clearly endangered as well.
Shows a fundamental lack of integrity.
(Waitress) Happy birthday, hun.
Thank you!
What can we learn from Barton Fink’s repeated ear discharge?
I’m eating cake!
No, you know what, f*ck Voldemort.
Shhhhh!
They should have just cruise missiled Slytherin tower and been done with it.
A lot of wars wouldn’t have ended quicker if the enemies were all wearing purple capes
and lived in a big old house together.
Wait, hold on, are all the bad guys seriously named Slytherin? That’s worse than Avatar.
(Katie) Everything sucks out of context.
(Ron) The invisibility booster must be faulty!
Spiderman is just this teenage boy whose body goes through these weird changes
and then suddenly he’s squirting this sticky goo all over the city streets.
I don’t care to talk to you anymore.
Wait, are you defending Slytherin? They’re racist, they turn people into stone, they let werewolves eat unicorns.
When that Sorting Hat said Slytherin, you should-
Sorting Hat?
It’s an enchanted piece of felt that determines your academic future.
It’s like if the SATs were magic and worn on the head.
And it was an “H” instead of an “S” and it said “Sorting” first.
When that Sorting Hat said Slytherin you should have been ushered into a little room and humanely destroyed.
(Daniel) Wow, you are really letting the inner aryan out tonight.
We’re talking guaranteed evil here! Maybe you don’t kill them,
but you certainly don’t build a school dedicated to increasing their power.
What do you call law school?
Did you read that off a card? Do you have zingers on a card?
I... like to be prepared.
That’ve got classes called the dark arts, and poisons...
...it’s a terrorist cell.
Okay, the whole school is messed up, not just Slytherin. They start school like when they’re what? 10 years old?
And from that point on they just learn magic. No math, no science.
They learn to time travel and look through people’s clothes, it's the two R’s.
Imagine a guy who has access to time travel, and a third grader’s understanding of world history.
Now imagine that guy times a thousand. And imagine that a quarter of them are evil.
Yeah, that sounds like a sh*tty school. You know, I’m glad Dumbledore died.
Oh come on!
It came out in like, 2005.
Well I guess no child gets left behind when you’ve got a Nimbus 2000.
I researched Harry Potter while you guys were talking.
I like that one!
Yeah, that was pretty good.
Yeah?
It wasn’t that good.
I’m gonna write it down.
So is your collage homophobic or homophilic?
(Katie) It’s more homo-larious!
(Soren) Not a word.
(Michael) What did you just say? What the f*ck did you just say?!