big little lies is a story about how
women relate to one another be it by
fighting bonding or a little bit of both
this is monterrey we pound people with
knife to death in the first season the
characters learn some useful lessons
about friendships and life that we too
can internalize if we stop dividing
everyone into us versus them if we
reveal our scary secrets while seeking
help from friends and if we give up
those ideal images in our heads while
accepting the choices we've made we
could all end up united and stronger
together having fun on the beach come on
your son so let's look at the lessons we
learned from season one of big little
lies as we enter Monterey Jane the
younger less wealthy and less polished
newcomer serves as a surrogate for us we
instantly feel out of place right
alongside her not good enough to be part
of this world you guys are just right
you're exactly right and for some reason
that makes me feel wrong I guess the
setting of big little lies is Anna Dilek
paradise and its inhabitants feel a
great pressure to be as perfect as the
view sometimes I'm just holding on to
this idea of perfection so tight
something has to give we get countless
shots of a character staring out at a
breathtaking Vista holding a glass of
wine while unable to appreciate the
beauty before her and stuck replaying
some stress from the day in her mind the
characters exhausting pursuit of
perfection applies to their looks and
fearing the loss of youth to their
careers and wealth and to their families
and domestic bliss yet as the show
progresses all of the characters learn
that chasing perfection is hurting their
hopes for real happiness
Madeleine thinks she wants something
more exciting in her life but the series
reminds us that she's at her happiest
with Edie Renata is finally able to
relax and make friends once she accepts
that she can't be an infallible mother
who protects her daughter from all risks
Celeste most of all has to overcome that
Iren of perfection because she does
appear from the outside to have it all
she's introduced to us as others see her
as the prettiest richest smartest woman
in town with the most handsome husband
and a sex life to match really so she
has to let go of this dearly held image
of herself it's only without her
picture-perfect husband that she can
finally smile on the beach in the
sequence that intercuts Jane's and
Celeste very different styles of making
dinner
the irony is not just that these women
have both been attacked by parry but
also that while Celeste life appears so
together she is actually of all the
people we've met in the most dire real
peril Jane comes to realize that all
these perfect people are anything but so
we should stop judging ourselves so
harshly and holding ourselves to these
impossible standards and you're not
perfect welcome to the club we're off of
course the show is encouraging us to
feel the same relief of knowing that the
rich and fabulous aren't nearly as happy
as we might imagine is her I okay
apparently she'll be fine
Madeleine Mackenzie both brings people
together and draws lines in the sand
she's a fiercely loyal well-intentioned
and generous friend and like you already
you're an intrinsically nice person but
she's also eager to pick sides and
contend with other strong female types
you know sometimes I think it's like
against them the career monies we are
drawn into Madeline's ranks rooting for
victory in her war convinced by Madeline
to immediately dislike new characters
gabby is such a gossip we don't like
Bonnie and Renata are each initially
presented as the other woman who's not
on our side Bonnie because she's married
to Madeline's ex and Renata because of
her aggressive reaction to her
daughter's getting hurt honey mommy is
getting very upset I'm getting very very
upset what's curious about our initial
reactions to these characters though is
that they're both types of women who in
theory we should be applauding we mimic
Madeline's harsh snap judgments given
our society's biases it's easy for us to
dislike a high-powered strong-minded
businesswoman but over time with
Madeline we start to see inside Renata's
view and we realized that she's reacting
to the pressures of facing a world that
resents her I said I'm not liked you
should have seen the way they looked at
me today her response to her daughter
being physically abused in school is
actually pretty close to how many scared
mothers might deal with that problem and
Renata wins over Madeline and us by
proving wise enough to take ownership of
her mistakes I'm so sorry I've treated
you and your little boys so badly it's
okay it's it takes a really big person
to apologize like that you're a very big
person Bonnie is a character that we
really should like from the start
because she's portrayed as a whole
person fulfilled by work in love and
invested in bringing people together you
know we were saying we should get sky
and Chloe together for a playdate I mean
they're half sisters and they pretty
much never see each other it's
ridiculous are they I am I missing the
math but thanks to Madeline we distrust
Bonnie's seeming perfection and
questioned her motives near the end when
Bonnie is revealed as Perry's killer and
the group's Savior we finally like her
more because we've seen emotional
rawness in her her positive worldview
which we once smirk dad takes on more
depth because she's chosen to look at
the world this way according to the
source novel that's in spite of having
lived through her father's abuse of her
mother
really see things as they are we see
things as we are Bonnie's right and we
are trained to divide we are trained so
effectively that categorizing people
into us versus them is often an
automatic subconscious impulse the show
very intentionally pits us against
Bonnie and renata only to make us
question why we were so eager to dislike
these women for their strengths just as
the show portrays the horrors of
physical violence
it also shows Madeleine questioning her
go-to tactics of participating in verbal
and emotional violence needing to make
enemies and approaching life as a
competition the key lesson that Celeste
and Jane learned is that hiding the
truth is what really weakens us it's
only when we let out what we see as our
worst secrets that we can be free of
them and move on in our lives and we
have this dirty Celeste refuses to
accept that she's a victim so she
convinces herself that she can handle
everything on her own it's all right I'm
fine
she obscures the truth from her doctor
are we talking about a physical
expression of anger no and she
completely alters the reality when
explaining it to her closest friend
sometimes I think he likes to fight
because it leads to sex
sometimes I think I like it too I have
to say Celeste that sounds a little bit
twisted a kind of great yet Celeste
can't get herself out of danger just
through stoicism in private and it's
only when her big secret is thrust into
public view that she can finally live
without fear Jane who's the victim of
abuse from the same man cher Celeste
instinct to hide the trauma she's
experienced she's a personal foil to
Madeline and the Jane's go-to strategy
is to stay out of things the first time
we see her she's hesitant to get out of
her car and help Madeline surely make
sure the lady is okay yeah but she
realizes that she needs to set a good
example for her son Ziggy Jane has to
fight her instinctive isolation and in
doing so she gains allies and a richer
life as she succeeds in being more
socially open she meanwhile learns to
stop running from her emotions and owns
her anger and sadness about what
happened to her have you talked to
anybody about this like a therapist or a
counselor or someone the first person
I've ever told significantly once she
tells Madeline about Ziggy's father
she's suddenly able to notice men and
imagine new relationships ever since I
told you about Ziggy's dad this thing
that's been happening to my body it's
wanting to wake up the energy both
Celeste and Jane gets support from their
allies in the climactic final battle of
the first season illustrating that what
can ultimately save us is to open up and
allow others to help the closing montage
of big little lies suggests that
contentment is within our reach if we
learn to accept the choices we've made
in therapy terms this is called radical
acceptance which basically means being
okay with reality as it is and not
worrying about what you can't change
Madeline is initially shown to be
unfulfilled by her role as a
stay-at-home mom you
another chapter you have a business and
I don't I'm a mom this is my universe
her anger toward her enemies isn't just
about what they've done to wrong her it
also portrays her insecurities and fears
of inadequacy she can relate to Celeste
who gave up her career to raise her
family but these other women represent a
life path that Madeline wonders if she
should have taken and because Madeline
worries that she's made the wrong
choices in her life she lashes out with
self-destructive behavior Madeline and
Celeste will feel great relief when they
acknowledge to each other that as much
as they love their children motherhood
doesn't fill their every need and it
can't be their whole lives I feel so
ashamed for saying this being a mother
it's not enough for me it's just not
meanwhile Renata also questions whether
she's made a mistake through the
opposite choice prioritizing career over
full-time child care what kind of person
chooses to work certainly not a mother
by any acceptable standards both women
might envy the other for making the
right choices but the story teaches us
that there is no such thing any path is
going to have downsides and neither
parenting nor career success in itself
is going to be everything the show
suggests that the happiness we can enjoy
comes from togetherness accepting our
choices and our limits and not being a
slave to impossible expectations of
perfection our joy and life might not be
where we expected to find it if there's
one all-inclusive lesson that the first
season of big little lies boils down to
it's that we should help each other and
bond together because even though one
villain is gone the voyeuristic final
shot implies a new threat rising against
the women of Monterrey who knows what
lies out there beneath a surface must
monsters maybe dreams sunken treasure
two separate unknown
[Music]