Merry Christmas sweetie!
Presents!
Wait, before we do presents,
We just want to say how proud we are of you for being such a good boy all year!
And you know Christmas isn't just about presents.
Oh get real Dad, I'm seven.
Do you really think that this magical day is about anything else to me?
I've worked hard to stay on the nice list.
This is my time!
I will light you on fire!
Presents it is...
*Gasp* Yay! Presents!
Yay,
Yay Mom! Yay! Yay!
*Heavy breathing*
Every
Christmas
Ever
Dillon, I can't sleep, ar-are you awake?
Yeah, I'm too excited, what should we do?
*Sigh* If Santa knows we're awake, we won't get Christmas,
we have to go to sleep.
I got an idea!
Now do me-ooooh, ooh.
*Sigh* I didn't think this through, Bryan.
Ery chrs ever
Hohoho oh hell yeah.
*Spits* Ugh what is this?
It's unsweetened almond milk!
What the hell is that?
It's vegan Santa!
What? You like feasting off the pussy secretion of innocent creatures?!
*Sigh* Son, I bring love and joy to billions of people each year.
You support the animal desta billions each year Santa!
Billions!
Merry Christmas!
Meat, is murder!
Little vegan sh*t!
No! Meat! Murder!
Arghh!
Ahhhhhhhhh!
Every fat man in a red suit ever.
Okay class, as you know, it's the "holiday" season.
However, we're not legally allowed to celebrate any specific
"holidays" or reference and specific "holiday creatures" in this class because
Randal's an atheist.
God isn't real.
Now, to avoid being sued-
My dad's a lawyer.
We're going to sing everyone's favourite holiday song: Rudolph
Oh.
Huh, Gandalf the red nosed-
Oh.
Huh, red hoofed-
Oh.
Holiday creature of some kind.
*Sigh* Science wins.
Every pagan holiday ever.
*Kissing*
*Yawns*
*Gasp* Mom! Why are you kissing Santa Claus?!
Uh, uh, that's because your father is Santa, I'm sorry you had to find out this way!
Sweetie, what are you doing u-
Carol, what the hell is going on here?!
Hoho, well time to bail.
You guys remember Santa Claus?
I'm at the store, honey.
Of course I didn't forget the presents
for the children again this year that's crazy talk, *Laughter* I have to call you back.
Sh*t!
Here's your gift sweetie!
It's a shelf! Haha, yay! Hehe
I got tinsel all over my sweater.
Alright, who's my Secret Santa?
Merry Christmas sweetheart.
No!
No.
No! No! You clearly broke the $20 limit you a**hole!
*Gasp*
Finish him!
Feed him to the wolves!
Get out!
I hope the wolves tear you to shreds!
No no no no no no!
Oh what's this?
Oh it was on sale!
Thanks babe!
*Screaming*
What the f*ck is figgy pudding?
Ha! Yeah right!
Hello handsome, looky here.
Mistletoe, what do ya say?
*Kissy noises*
Oh wow, uh no, um see you're under the mistletoe, I'm not, so, doesn't work.
I wouldn't say that if I were you cuz look at the sky.
Uh ah!
*Screaming*
It's a real shame.
I woulda rocked his world.
Every Christmas Ever.
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