(shuffling)
(cards rustling)
(clicking)
- What is one experience you wish we never shared?
- No one going to jail (laughing).
That trial.
- Pick one, going to jail or getting shot?
Which one, you know?
- Oh god.
And hit by the car too.
No, I think it was the trial.
That was the worst thing.
You getting hit by a car, it upset me.
I was angry with the person that hit you.
You got over it.
You got shot, but you didn't die.
But when they were telling me I was gonna lose you
for all them years.
That was the worst pain I would ever go through.
- Hmm.
- What do you think was the hardest thing about raising you?
(Linda laughing)
- Hmm, what do I think
was the hardest thing about raising me?
- Yes.
- Hmm.
Wow I don't know, you made it look so easy.
You know this adult thing now, coming home and having a job
and looking at taxes being deducted.
I'm like you know, (Linda laughing)
I have a new-found respect for the working person.
I have a new-found respect for you.
Especially being that I didn't pick you,
(Linda laughing) you don't pick your parents!
You know (laughing)?
I don't know, if it was hard you never let me see it.
- The hardest part was
being a young man and having to let go
and giving you a little freedom as you got older,
it was little things like that.
I was like, okay you gotta let him be a man.
But it be hard on a mother
when they got a son, to let them go,
'cause you don't want anything to go wrong out there.
- It's on me.
- I'm very proud, even with you doing time
I'm still proud, like I tell you.
Yeah you made a mistake,
you paid the price for it, 25 years.
But I'm still proud of ya.
I'll always be proud of you, you're mine.
- What have you been hesitant to ask me?
(Linda laughing)
Wow, I guess I'm about
to find out. - I guess you're afraid
of your mother.
You know like, you never let me
meet any of your lady friends, or lady friend.
I mean I know I get kinda crazy, (laughing) I holler.
But I never would disrespect anybody,
any young lady you were dating.
It's like, "Okay, I'm going to see my lady!"
I don't know who she is!
I don't know her name, you now?
- Oh okay.
(Linda laughing)
We will not put her name on the show though.
- No, I'm not saying put it in.
(Arthur laughing)
We're not doing that but I mean,
sooner or later you gotta let me meet somebody!
(Linda laughing)
You know?
- I think the question I have yet to ask is,
being that I'm your only child, how did you do it?
How did you do 25 years without me?
- It wasn't easy, to be honest.
Like I say, you never knew.
Them first years, I told somebody,
I was almost on a death mission.
I kept a job, I always kept a job.
Hangin' out, talking, going up against the man.
You know?
I had to push somebody to do something to me.
It wasn't easy, son.
Them first 10 years, it took a toll on me bad,
a real toll on me
and I realized one day.
I would hang out in the street, go to the clubs.
But always went to work!
I don't know, that's my independence going to work
and having my own money.
Couldn't nobody talk to me, I was drinking.
Hanging out, coming in, go to work you know?
Your grandmother was sick, being there with her.
And like I say, I just got tired.
I was doing too much damage to myself
and I just started crying and realized.
And I asked the Lord to help me, change me,
so I could help my son.
I might've put on airs for a lot of people
but internally I was hurt, I was really destroyed.
I never was embarrassed about it.
People used to tell me,
"Why don't you tell them that your son is still in college?"
I said what do you think I was, stupid?
I wasn't embarrassed about you going to jail,
you made a mistake, and that's it.
I definitely just kept my head up high
and wouldn't let no one say anything about you
'cause you were mine.
- Hmm.
- What's something you think I still don't know about you?
(Linda laughing)
- Like there's been times that
just coming home has been overwhelming.
Maybe not having certain things,
or the pressures of coming home
and the effects that prison
psychologically may have had on me.
There are times where, like you said,
you're just sitting around the house.
I don't even be knowing,
like acknowledging that I might be depressed.
I ain't gonna say I suffer from depression
but it's very prevalent in me at times
so I be having to fight through that.
And that a large part of me is still 19
and I'm coming to grips with it.
We're talking about going on two years being free
to 25 years of being away in an isolation.
Even sleeping in the dark,
I had to come (Linda laughing)
to grips with that! (Linda laughing)
Because you know,
for 20 something years we had a light on, a dim light.
So just sleeping in the dark
was something to overcome for me.
But I worked through that
and I don't like to use it as an excuse
because everyone's transition from incarceration
isn't the same.
But I do know that the psychological effects,
I may not share with you because I understand
like I see you going through your own thing,
especially as a boy.
Women are resilient, boys you're taught,
"Yo, toughen up!"
From the door you know, you're taught to toughen up.
So even with shedding tears it's like,
"What you crying for?!"
So there are times I have to find a safe space
where I can share things with you.
Because society says within 36 months
most people go back to prison.
So I haven't even...
I'm striving to make it to that threshold.
I think for me, for the most part,
what you don't know is that often times
I deal with levels of depression.
- Well, if that's the case you need to talk to somebody.
If it's not me, you need to find someone else to talk to
that's a third party.
Like you say yeah, I go through it too.
My thing I'm going through,
you know, the injuries, the surgeries.
I'm so tired sometimes, but I keep striving forward.
You know, I heard about the depression.
You never told me, but I saw it posted
on one of your cousins postings one time
that you were going through it.
But I didn't even know how to approach you on it.
'Cause I figure okay,
he doesn't want me to know he's depressed.
And I told myself, why don't he go talk to somebody?
You in the field now
that you can also find somebody to talk to.
- Yes, definitely.
How do you describe our relationship to others?
(both laughing)
Yeah, okay.
- Um. - The laugh says it all.
(Linda laughing)
Everybody knows I love you, they know I love you.
I fuss with you, they know I fuss with you,
I holler at you.
I don't know, I get carried away.
- The whole building knows
you holler at me. (Linda laughing)
- Yeah but, it would never take away my love.
People that know me,
know I would do anything for you,
give you anything I could.
I have to still learn,
we're both doing this learning process.
It's me trying to raise a son
from all over again.
And you're not a kid that I can really raise
and I got to give you your space.
What do you wish for us in the next five years?
- I guess for you,
is get out your apartment! (Linda laughing)
I definitely need to be out of there
before five years or somethin' ain't workin' right.
- That would be the best thing for us,
is for you to get your own place
and I can have my apartment back by myself (laughing).
- Yeah.
- But we can enjoy each other's company as we visit.
- Oh as we visit, yeah.
Oh okay, you've had enough.
Oh ain't that somethin'.
(both laughing) Wow!
Okay.
How do you love me?
Wow, I don't even know how to--
- How to answer that question, how do I love you?
From my heart.
From my soul.
You were a gift from a higher power.
To know that there's people that have no children.
And, to have a child and not love a child
through the good and the bad is wrong.
And like I said, I loved you through the good and the bad!
Through the hard times and the good times.
Like I say you're a part of me,
and you'll always be a part of me.
- Hmm.
- I know how much I get crazy and angry.
I still love you (laughing).
- Yeah, that's never in question.
Love is hard though.
Love is long suffering and love is enduring.
And it's a manifestation and it's formless.
So you know, love is very indescribable.
I think it's the biggest hustle in the dictionary
'cause it's very indescribable
because I don't think you can put
a definition to that feeling
because it's not the same for any person.
For me, how do I love you?
Unconditionally, just as you've loved me unconditionally.
You've answered every phone call, sent every money order.
To me you're the most beautifulest woman I know.
And even when I interact it's like,
the person I bring home to meet you,
I have to know that this is the woman
that I'm going to sit before you.
And you made me be a better judge of character,
I'm learning that now more so than ever.
Even my friends tell me you know,
take time out to acknowledge
what's the seen and the unseen.
So for me I think you know,
it's that I love you.
You've instilled everything for me to be successful
and I don't measure success by monetary.
Success is a matter of that
which brings me joy and happiness,
and I find that out from you.
Just find what makes you happy.
Even sacrificing to get this job,
it's not my passion
but it's going to make way
for me to be able to enjoy my passion.
You might not have understood at first,
but you watched me.
Like I'm not gonna settle for this
because this is what I want
and it's easier said than done
and I'm just glad that you afforded me
an opportunity and the support and the leeway
for me to follow what it is I came home to do.
And I love you, and I'll never stop thanking you for that.
That's why every time I get up to speak
I'm always gonna thank you first
because whatever I give to people
is what you've given to me.
- Hi guys, thank you so much for watching.
This is Meriem at The Skin Deep.
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