- Dad?
- Mom?
- [Both] That girl has my face!
♪ Never gonna get it, never gonna get it ♪
♪ Never gonna get it ♪
♪ Woo, woo, woo woo ♪
Somebody's gonna get this.
- So, how old are you?
- [Both] 12?
- Oh, that's so cute the way they do that!
(shrieking laughter)
- [Both] Please.
- We did it! - You were great.
- We're in the clear.
- [Both] Why did we throw a party?
- Roger, don't you ever knock
before you enter someone's home?
- Well, I don't like to hear "Go home, Roger"
'til I've earned it.
This is the best night of my life!
- [Twins] Go home, Roger.
- Ooh, I love the color, Tamera.
- Yeah, it fits me great, it's very clingy,
yet loose at the same time.
- You're a fascinating man, Ray.
It's no problem, I'll pay it.
- You will? - Yeah, sure.
Can you lend me $750?
- Lisa doesn't know how good she's got it.
- You know, Ray, you are absolutely right.
I'm gonna go in there right now and tell her.
Lisa, woman!
- [Lisa] What?
- Nothing, honey.
(romantic music)
- Ooh, how, ooh, no!
- When I get married, I want a big wedding.
- I want a small wedding.
- And I want a double wedding.
- Hi, honey! - Hi, sugar.
- My heart is full.
- I think we're all pretty full.
Excuse me.
Oh, I'm so proud, I could burst. (laughs)
- Yeah, well, clean up after yourself.
- You think your life is more important than mine!
- Look, you just take care of the egg,
and I'll bring home the bacon!
- You killed the baby!
(upbeat soul music) (clapping)
- [Girl] I'll see you at the library.
Ooh, and I got the cigarettes.
- Huh?
(tape rewinds)
- [Girl] Cigarettes.
- What?
(tape rewinds)
- [Girl] Cigarettes.
- Huh? (tape rewinds)
- I hate you!
- You love me!
- I hate you!
- You love me, love me, love me!
- [Tamera] I hate you, hate you, hate you!
- You love me.
- [Tamera] I hate you!
("Jingle Bells" plays on doorbell)
- There's only two women who can treat me like that,
and that's Tia and Tamera.
Well, my mother too, so that's three.
And my grandmother, and my Aunt Inez.
Okay, five women, but that's it.
- Mom, what are you doing?
- I'm marking everything that's mine.
Mine!
- Hey, is that a raccoon?
- [Tia] Where?
Ow, my eye!
- I never wanna see your ugly face again!
- Then don't look in the mirror.
Mom, I heard you telling Miss Parker
that college wasn't right for everyone.
- Yeah, but I was talking about her stupid old kids.
- Well, how do you know we're not stupid?
- Do you like this elephant?
- Not really.
- Then you're not stupid.
- My good man, I'll have you know
we are the international supermodels.
- [Both] Gemini.
Gemini.
- Are you sure it was her?
I mean, maybe it was somebody that looked like her.
- Right, Tia, maybe she has an identical twin sister
she doesn't know about, like that could ever...
It was her, okay?
She was voted Miss Congeniality at our high school.
- And first runner-up for Best Dressed.
- [Both] We won.
- Well, very good for you, Mary Kate and Ashley, oh!
- You better hope Mary Kate hold me back,
because Ashley's about to break you down!
♪ Bad boys, bad boys ♪
♪ What you gonna do ♪
♪ What you gonna do when they come for you ♪
♪ Oh, eh, oh, eh, ♪
♪ Oh, eh, eh, eh ♪
- Bam, bam, da-da-da, slide, snap!
- Are you coming or not?
(laughs)
- She did it!
Oh, yeah, she's the one, ah, she did it, ah!
(yelling)
Thank you!
- Oh, Tamera!
I got you a date with a college guy!
Hey, can you be ready in five...
- Sorry it took so long.
- And how do you find time to talk
when you haven't finished your article?
- Let me show you.
So, anyways.
- Give me the candy bar!
Give me the candy bar now!
- No, you're cracking! - I haven't cracked!
- It's time that you took your life back,
because if there's anybody
who deserves happiness in this world,
it's you.
- Are you finished, Ray?
I got a man waiting for me at the church.
- Well, then, why didn't you say so?
- I never stop a cantankerous bastard
when he's paying me such a nice compliment. (laughs)
- I am having a bad day.
- You think you're having a bad day?
Today, I destroyed an entire church.
Now, somebody try and top that!
- Well, my marriage to Michael's on the rocks.
- Not even close.
- I think I'm in love with Roger.
- [All] You win.
(upbeat music)
(clapping)
- Ow!