(forklift tires skid)
(audience laughs)
(boxes crash)
(forklift whirs)
(boxes crash)
(forklift beeps)
(boxes punctured)
(audience laughs)
- In my office, now!
(audience laughs)
- I wonder what this is about.
(audience laughs)
Uh oh, it's O'Boyle.
- What's he doing down here?
- I don't, but, look, give me some of your papers
so I can look busy.
- No, I need it for my--
(audience laughs)
- Yeah, that's a good way,
that way and then take the tunnel.
(audience laughs)
- So, why should the FedEx company hire Doug Heffernan?
- What?
(audience laughs)
- What would a Doug Heffernan bring to FedEx?
- I'd bring myself and my lunch
if I don't get Rego Park.
(Doug laughs)
(audience laughs)
No, I think I'd..
Hey, Castaway, whoa.
(audience laughs)
What do you got there, Mr. O'Boyle?
- Safety manuals for the test.
- What test?
- All right, guys, as all of you, except for Heffernan
probably knows, the company's going
with another insurance carrier,
so you're gonna need these manuals for the test
on basic safety practices on Wednesday.
(all moan)
Grumble all you want, but you fail, you're off the road
for three months, speaking of which,
why the hell aren't you on the road right now?
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
(audience laughs)
- I can't believe this crap.
- Yeah, I've been driving my truck for eight years,
now, they wanna see if I know how to use it?
- I specifically took this job, so I wouldn't have to read.
(audience laughs)
- You got 30 minutes, after that, pencils down.
No talking, no belching, this is serious business people.
All right, begin.
(audience laughs)
(guitar strums)
(audience laughs)
Heffernan!
- Yeah.
- You got all those packages sorted by priority code?
- Yeah.
- All right.
I'll make a belt guy out of you yet.
- Hey, I'm not a belt guy, okay, I'm a driver
who's wearing a belt for three months.
- Okay, okay.
Hey belty!
(audience laughs)
- Hey, so how's my truck looking?
- I need like 10 more minutes.
- Let me know when it's done.
I'm gonna grab some coffee.
- Fine, go have your precious coffee.
- Yo, what's up with you, man.
I didn't make you fail the test.
- Nah, but you know what?
You're the one who said this whole thing was b.s.,
and that we should go play pool.
Now, all of a sudden, you're driving and I'm loading.
I guess I'm just wondering how that all happened?
- I guess it happened because I'm not a moron,
so I took five minutes to look a manual.
(audience laughs)
- Oh, Mr. O'Boyle, I love you, especially that part.
(audience laughs)
- Wanna get paid your overtime, you gotta fill out all
three forms; the pink, the blue and the green.
Pink goes in my box, the blue goes upstairs,
the green is for your files for those of you
who with filing cabinets,
(audience laughs)
which I'm guessing is not too many.
Hello.
(audience laughs)
Can I help you?
- I'm just here to see Douglas.
I'm his mother.
(workers laugh)
- Well, I'm done here.
Back to work.
- Mom, what are you doing here?
- You forgot your lunch.
- I gotta run, okay?
- Okay, fine, see you for dinner.
- No!
(audience laughs)
- Fine, goodbye.
(audience laughs)
- Mom, no!
(audience laughs)
(audience claps)
(upbeat music)