And we're back with another edition of
Humans Being Nice,
I'm pushing positivity into the world
I'm doing it
Aw no!
This poor woman has fallen over
And she's by herself
Fortunately the nicest breed of person
A motorcyclist
Was nearby and has stopped to help
Motorcyclists seem to have an innate aura
Of positivity around them
I don't know what it is
She's saying
"I was heading to the pub"
"when the footpath attacked me out of nowhere"
Thankfully she's okay
Look this bloke is so nice
He's summoned another person to help
It's a Niceness Mitosis
Satisfied he's done a good deed
He hands the pensioner off to his partner in kindness
And heads off to help someone else
Daaagghh here's a bloody Porch Pirate
Here to ruin the good vibes i was establishing
Oh wait, no
She's putting the package in a safe place
To protect it
From piratical wankers
She's a Porch Protector!
What a bloody legend
Hah Haaghhh
Hopefully one day the Porch Protectors
Will outnumber
The Porch Pirates
*Alarmy warmy noisey woisies*
Oo it's bin day
And this family forgot to put their bin out
But this sanitation expert has decided
To go above and beyond
The expectations of his role
This man deserves a pay rise we've all done it
We've all overstuffed our bin before
And forgotten to take it out
And it's stressful
But this bloke said
Not today
And made the world a better place
Here's something super duper outright fair dinkum wholesome
They've lowered the truck tail lift so this sweet old lady
Doesn't have to climb through
The surprise lake to get to her car
It is a major O.H&S. violation
But it's okay
It was either that
Or let the senior citizen get washed away
So I think they made the right decision
Hah hah She's off to the pub
To have a carbonara
And a chandy
Now we've got a son leading his blindfolded dad
Down the street
His dad's truck
Had recently broken down and
He'd been getting lifts to work every day
So his son decided
To save up
And surprise him
With a new trucky truck
"That's your truck boy?"
"That's yours!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yeah!"
"Uh uh!"
"Yeah!"
"No!"
Naw, I love that, Nah I bloody love it
This FedEx Viking is delivering a box of Ozzy Man merch
Surely he is
He's mumbling "How are the occupants of this house"
"Supposed to access the sweet shirts"
"Destination F'd stubby holders and mouse pads"
"If all these packages are in the doorway"
And he does the small but also huge gesture
Of clearing space.
Fuck yes, FedEx Viking, Fuck yes mate!
This bloke has purchased a camping stool
It's unfortunate
I've bought one of these before and they're pretty useless.
After a couple of goes with it he decides
"Fuck it even with my bad knees I'd rather stand"
"Piss off to the floor"
"Flimsy sitting item"
Enter chair lady
It looks like she's also bought that camping stool before
She knows how shithouse it is
And she's like "here, here's an actual chair"
And now she's sitting on the barrier
She gave up her own actual chair
For a stranger
We need more chair ladies in the world
Meanwhile back with the motorcycle gang
Called The Nice Doers
They've crossed a busy intersection
The leader points something out he's like
"This person here"
"They need our help everyone
"Formation Hotel Echo Lima Papa"
They chuck a positive u-ey
And head back to help this old lady cross the street
They form a barrier of good vibes
So no traffic can get through and the senior pedestrian
Is able to progress with zero chance
Of being hit by an automobile
And 100% chance
Of motorcyclists proving once again
They are the embodiment
Of Dead Set Legends
Fucken good on ya fellas
It's the small things
That can really improve
Someone else's day overall
Whether it's moving a package
Giving up your chair
Or just helping someone
Cross the road, we all have it in us
So go on
Go forth
Into society
Ozzy Man subscribers and do something nice
Go on, go!
Go, why the fuck not?