Hi, I'm Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage Foundation and the reason we
have this series is because sometimes you just have a question or two, and you
want to get a good answer and why should you have to call somebody spend
any money so I'm trying to help out. In this series, which I call mini marriage
counseling series you'll get a lot of answers and then if you have a question
that is not answered in here just write to one of the counselors that we have at
The Marriage Foundation. It's free, it's free marriage counseling. Take advantage
of it. Obviously, sometimes what you are going through isn't covered. You may want
to read one of my books either Lessons for a Happy Marriage which was my first
book or Breaking the Cycle. They're widely available, widely read, and it'll
really help you. And if you're having a really tough time, if your marriage is
failing then you need to take a look at the courses that I have. One for men, one
for women because we are different and we have very very great success with
these courses for saving marriages. But in this particular video, we're going to
ask a question. What is marriage? Isn't that an interesting question? And the
truth is that everything is pretty much defined by its purpose you know like a
boat because it goes on the water. An airplane goes in the sky and it
flies you where you're going, and a stethoscope listens to your heart and so you go back
to the root words and you know a scope is to listen and so forth. So, what is
marriage and why do you want to know what marriage is? Well, you want to know
not so you know you're a hero at the party but you want to know because your
marriage should be based on what marriage is.
I have heard often times well, marriage is different for
different people you know. Well come on, that's like saying, "Well, boat is
different for different people you know." Sure, you could have people use their
boat to go out and have fun, and then you have people who live on their boat. is
that really a boat? And so this is what happens, most people are living in their
marriage and not fulfilling their purpose which is extraordinary and
that's the number one thing about marriage -- it's extraordinary.
So let's address it, let's really get into it.
So look, what are you? You have a body, you have a mind, and you are a soul. And
so, what we should be doing is looking at the purposes that are fulfilled for each.
Now, how did I get here? I got here because when I was a divorce mediator,
yes, I was a divorce mediator. I had a couple come in and they wanted me to
help them with their marriage to save their marriage
instead of get the divorce because they didn't know what else to do. So I said,
okay let's see, where do I begin? I have to begin with well, why did you get
married in the first place? Aha! The purpose, right? Well, we get
married to be happy. We get married for happiness that's the purpose of marriage
is to be happy and then you have to go, "Oh, I just gave it away." Then you have to
ask yourself, "Well, what brings the greatest happiness?
So then, most people go to what's good for the body
things like wealth, health, you know prosperity, things that we could play
with because they satisfy the needs of the body.
Partially, they also satisfy the needs of the mind because when you have these
things you're more relaxed. Now, little do people think but really what's going on
is the mind in this scenario is literally describing the body's
influence on the mind. The body is all about one thing, it's all about survival
and we don't realize how much these drives to survive which are embedded in
the body influence the mind but you're a soul. Yes, psychologically you're feeling
better when your body and mind are taking care of. There's no question about
it, but what's the most fulfilling? What do you really want? What gives you the
most happiness hint? It's of the soul and it's love, love, sweet love, real love, your
soul. You are the soul, you are love, what gets in between you the soul and
love there's an identification with the body's needs transfer it over to the
mind and then it messes us up completely. So marriage satisfies the soul, we get
married in order to use our body and mind to learn how,yeah, learn how to love
unconditionally. You can write that down if you want. We get married
to learn to love unconditionally what is so cool is that it's a perfect venue for
it. Once you get married it's just the two of you. In fact, I described it as the
sacred space of marriage. Remember when you were a kid and you would play
tag and it was always a place where you could go that was your safety zone. The
world is harsh it's out to get you, you always are going to get tagged it just
for standing around except for in your sacred space of marriage where only two
of you are. Now, we're getting to the definition. Marriage is a sacred space in
which two of you utilize your body, mind, and soul to achieve unconditional love.
That's it! Isn't so cool? Now, here's the cherry on top. There are people in
the world who go on to a spiritual path. They seek out a spiritual path because
they want absolute fulfillment of their soul. The cherry is when you're married
and you're using it right you don't have to seek any further. You don't have to
worry anymore. You've found the perfect vehicle with which to train your own
mind in order to love your spouse unconditionally and when you do, you've
literally have achieve the same thing that those sitting on a mountaintop are
seeking. Yeah, so that's what marriage is. I hope you like this explanation. I hope
you use this explanation. I also hope you liked the video. If you do like it, share
it with others. Let's get the word out. The Marriage Foundation is nonprofit;
it's not a gimmick. We give away marriage help. We also sell marriage help but we
give it away primarily so you could write in to us and get help anytime you
need. We're here for you and we love you. God bless.