>>GOD: Lester, rise from your grave?
>>LESTER: I'm sleepy, what do you want?
>>GOD: The time to redeem your self has come. Do this final task and live in heaven for
eternity.
>>LESTER: What exactly am I supposed to do?
>>GOD: Help Lavender Williams. She will be under-taking a very dangerous journey.
>>LESTER: Wait. Lavender Williams you said? That little monster, I'd rather be dead.
>>GOD: You are dead, you idiot.
>>LESTER: I will burn in hell before I help her.
>>GOD: So be it.
>>LESTER: Okay, I'll help. I will.
>>GOD: Now that's the answer I want.
>>LESTER: I shall >>GOD: LANGUAGE.
>>SPEAKER1: Dear Lavender, happy birthday. On my eighth birthday, my father read me these
words. You have brains ...
>>MOM: You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, you can stir yourself
any direction you choose. You're on your own and you know what you know. You are the
one will decide where to go. Remember these words, sweetheart. They will make all the
difference. Love, Dad.
>>LAVENDER: Why can't I see dad?
>>MOM: It's complicated honey.
>>LAVENDER: It isn't complicated, it's your fault.
>>MOM: Honey ... (Cough) Lavender ... (cough)
>>LAVENDER: The doctor is coming.
>>SPEAKER 2: Mrs. Williams?
>>LAVENDER: She doesn't live here.
>>MOM: Go back to your room.
>>LAVENDER: I don't want to.
>>MOM: Go back to your room. Please go.
>>SPEAKER 2: My name is Mr. Carcenoma. You may call me Cancer.
>>SPEAKER 3: You're not crying.
>>LAVENDER: What's there to cry about?
>>SPEAKER 3: You should. My aunt and uncle died in an accident 30 years ago. He came and
took my cousin, Mike. Never saw him again. Sheriff Murdstone, the dread sheriff of Calabas
County. They say, he roams the lonely country roads in his old car, collecting
orphan kids.
>>LAVENDER: I'm not an orphan. I have a dad.
Dear dad, I'm coming your way. Now that mom is dead, we can finally be together. You'll
like me very much. You'll see. I don't eat much and I have a wonderful conversation.
Maybe I'll be there before this letter arrives. Love, Lavender.
>>LESTER: I hate that. Only too sure things in this life. Death & fleas.
>>LAVENDER: Lester?
>>LESTER: In the flesh. Yeah. Are we there yet? Are we ever going to get there?
>>LESTER: Are we there yet? Are we ever going to get there? (Coughing, gasping)
>>LAVENDER: Stop following me.
>>LESTER: Bury my bones if I could. Unfortunately, I got to sent to watch over you. We're in
this together lady.
>>LAVENDER: You're my guardian angel?
>>LESTER: Ha. An irony, isn't it?
>>LAVENDER: An irony? A tragedy.
>>LESTER: Listen girly, you don't like me and I don't like you. Fine, but if I don't
babysit you, I'll spend eternity in hell. Frankly, I'd rather spend the day asleep
surrounded by milk bones and sexy French poodles. So, break it up. You're my only door to
heaven. Do we understand each other?
>>LAVENDER: I don't need a guardian angel and I don't need you. Leave me alone.
>>GOD: Lester.
>>LESTER: Yes?
>>GOD: Where do you think you're going?
>>LESTER: On to meet some cute poodles.
>>GOD: Move your butt back there, she's in danger.
>>LESTER: I'm not listening. I'm not listening.
>>GOD: Oh, come on Lester. You're better than this. She's just a little girl and
she needs you.
>>SHERIFF: You need a ride, sweetheart?
>>SHERIFF: Get in here you lil Orphan ... Agghh ...
>>LAVENDER: You.
>>LESTER: 1928, good year. Very tender meal.
>>LAVENDER: Thanks for helping me back there.
>>LESTER: You told me to go away.
>>LAVENDER: Why didn't you bite him or something? Aren't you my guardian angel?
>>LESTER: Can't bite anyone. If I hurt someone, I go straight to hell.
>>LAVENDER: You can't bite? You bitten me.
>>LESTER: You hide at covering mist.
>>LAVENDER: I'm a kid, kid's play.
>>LESTER: I'm a dog, dog's bite.
(Background talking)
>>LESTER: You got that looked after, did you? By a doctor? It didn't hurt too much, did
it?
>>LAVENDER: No.
>>LESTER: It didn't hurt me either, that much. I'm sorry I bitten you.
>>LAVENDER: Sorry I pulled your ears.
>>LESTER: It wasn't your fault. I was a bad dog. I bit my best friend.
>>LAVENDER: When you are gone, I didn't have anyone else to play with.
>>LESTER: What about your mama?
>>LAVENDER: She left.
>>LESTER: Your dad?
>>LAVENDER: I've never met him. What if he doesn't like me?
>>LESTER: Are you crazy? He'll love you, kid. Oh, bones. You ain't going to cry,
are you?
>>LAVENDER: I'm not.
>>LESTER: Okay. No time for puppy love, an old manner, remember?
>>SHERIFF: Hello, hon. Get in.
>>LAVENDER: Let me out. Lester, help me. Why didn't you bite him or something?
>>LESTER: If I hurt someone, I will go straight to hell.
>>LAVENDER: He left me, like mom.
>>SHERIFF: You're ready to go, sweetheart? Now don't you worry, there are whole lot
of kids down there, just like you. You're going to love this place. You're going to
fit right here. (Laughs)
>>LESTER: Sorry, but the girl is with me.
>>SHERIFF: Ahh.
>>LAVENDER: Ahh.
>>LESTER: Lavender, get out quick.
>>SHERIFF: You orphan, you are to me.
>>LAVENDER: I'm not an orphan.
>>SHERIFF: You little brat, get back in here, you little brat.
>>LESTER: I'll take you to a place you'll like very much. You'll fit right here.
>>LAVENDER: Lester.
>>LESTER: Go. Follow the river, kid. You've got a dad to find.
>>SPEAKER1: Dear Lavender, happy birthday. On my eighth birthday, my father read me these
words. You have brains ...
>>MOM: You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, you can stir yourself
>>LAVENDER: You lied to me. I hate you.
>>MOM: Dear Lavender, please don't hate me. I did what I did because I love you, more
than you'll ever know. You needed a father so badly. Always remember, you have brains
in your head, you have feet in your shoes, you can stir yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own and you know what you know. You are the one will decide where to
go. I didn't leave you, Lavender. I had to go. But I'll be watching over you from
heaven, forever. You'll never be alone. Love, Mom. I'm always with you.
Lavender Original (Completed 09/28/13) Page 1 of 6