- And we are not responsible for any
explosive diarrhea you're about to incur.
- Hey Derrick, sorry I'm a couple minutes late.
- Brogran, sideline with me.
When you're late, everyone else has to pick up your slack.
Now what that show me, is that you value your time
more than anyone else here.
So, it's not just a few minutes here and there.
It's a slap in the face to everyone that works here.
Do you understand?
No, no, let me continue.
You need to be a team player.
You are wasting everyone's time.
10 minutes early
On time, is 10 minutes late.
It's all about the respect.
Time management.
I think your problem here Brogan is that you just need
to grow up a little bit.
I'm just really disappointed in you.
Do you understand?
- Yes, I do.
- Don't be late.
- Excuse me, can I finish my order?
I really have to get to work.
- Oh my god, I'm pretty sure your boss will not mind
if you're a couple minutes late.
- Yeah.
- [Announcer] Every Boss Ever
- All right team, we got a few days left on our fiscal year
and this is our Superbowl, it's the bottom of the ninth
those bases are loaded and we're on overtime.
So we gotta get out there, hit that defense,
make sure we secure that end zone with no overtime
under the goalie, off sides
and you better stick that landing on that dismount.
Come on, let's go.
- Do you have any idea what she just said?
- Nope.
- 10 point conversion, baby, strike out!
- [Announcer] Can you be a team player and ahhhh.
- Hey Linus, what terms did we wanna give the buyers?
- I will message that to you on Slack.
- Okay.
(message bleep)
- Well see, I thought sales had given them 45 days?
- Right.
I will Slack you.
(message bleep)
- Okay, and um, what payment methods are we good with?
(exhales heavily)
(keyboard clicking)
- Man, can we actually just like talk about it?
- But Slack is so much easier.
(keyboard clicking)
(message bleep)
- It appears that my keyboard has broken,
could you ask the IT person to come over here
and fix my computer?
Ironically I can't because my Slack is broken.
- Yeah, let me just do that for you, Linus.
Hey Tim, we have a keyboard situation.
- No, no, no, no, no, Slack it to him.
It's much easier that way.
(keyboard clicking)
- [Linus] Are you Slacking?
- Yes.
- Good.
- [Announcer] Yes I did get a raise
every single year, but the company can't afford yours.
- Claudia, what can I do for you?
- Hey, so I saw that my request for time off was denied
but I remember you saying it was okay.
- Ugh, I know, I thought it was gonna be no problem
but those gosh darn guys at corporate
make the final decision, unfortunately.
- Okay, I understand.
What about that pay raise we discussed?
- Ugh, I wanna give you that pay raise so bad
but unfortunately, the guys at corporate
hold the purse strings, so god, I'm so sorry.
- No offense, but do you hold any authority at all?
- Well I get to choose which paper towels
go in men's restroom.
- What about the ladies restroom?
- I was not aware that we had a ladies restroom.
- Okay.
Thank you Mr. Phillips.
- How did I not know about the ladies room?
Yes, it's like Narnia.
Gotta go through a wardrobe.
(pen clicking)
Just like Narnia.
- [Announcer] This schedule will be done when it's done.
- Hey Dirk, I noticed online that the new schedule
for next week is not up yet, I was wondering
when that would be?
- It'll be done when it's done, okay?
I'm swamped.
- Yeah, I understand, but I do kinda need to plan my week.
When Gina was manager we would get it
like three weeks in advance.
- Oh, oh, Gina, is that what Gina did?
Well guess what, I'm sorry, but we have different
leadership styles.
- It's not about your leadership styles,
I just kinda need to know when I'm working.
- Well why don't you go ask Gina.
- She transferred to a different store.
- Oh, Gina transferred did she?
Oh, Gina transferred, oh, la, la.
Where did she transfer, France?
Did she go there?
Is she drinking wine out of bidet?
I don't think so, (bleep) off!
- [Announcer] Who parked in my designated spot?
Here we have the most dangerous predator in the office.
The middle manager, fueled by 20 years in the same position
without the skills to become an executive.
The middle manager solely communicates
through passive aggression.
- Oh looking at Reddit huh?
- Yeah.
- Ah, run out of work to do?
- No, I'll get back to work.
- Whatever works for you.
- [Announcer] The middle manager has defeated
his subordinate, firmly cementing his position
as the biggest asshole in the office.
- Hey, I'm your boss, but I really want you
to think of me as your bro.
- So it's like a dueling piano bar,
but they have cockfights in the back.
However, it starts at five, so.
- Oh, that sounds so fun,
let's leave like a little early tomorrow and just go.
- Uh, do we have to tip the roosters though?
- Uh, yes, yes.
- Hey, I hear something about us going out tomorrow?
What's that?
- Uh.
- Oh come on, I'm a cool boss, I can hang.
Let's get a beer, get wasted.
Have you guys ever tried ketamine?
Screw those stuffed shirts in their ivory towers
screw'em, let's burn this place down, come on.
- Um, yeah, sure you can come along.
So tomorrow we're thinking we'd leave around like four.
- The office closes at six, did you put in two hours
of PTO on a request form?
- No. - No.
- Oh, well looks like you'll just have to do it another day.
Let me know when you figure it out though,
I'd love to drive us all in my brand new Hyundai Sonata!
2% down.
- [Announcer] Look at me, I'm the boss,
I sit in a big old chair.
- You wanted to see me Mr. Phillips?
- Yes, uh, my computer's doing that thing again
where it's all in Spanish and I'm actually trouble
getting it to turn on, would you mind taking a peak at it?
- I can get one of the IT guys.
- Oh, no, you did it just fine last time.
Just it'll be fine.
- So, um..
- You live on the west side right?
- Uh, yeah.
- Great, my kids having a soccer game there on Saturday
but it's so far out of the way and I'm supposed to
drop off snacks, so would you mind just swinging by
and plopping down some orange slices?
- Sure, I can do that.
- And also, my dry cleaning will be done by then,
you wouldn't mind just swinging by and picking it up right?
- It's not really my job description.
- I see, but you need this job very badly don't you?
- Yeah, I do.
Yeah, I'll pick up your dry cleaning.
- That's great, thank you Mitch.
Oh and Mitch, I did notice the other day
that you had two sodas and while those are technically free
for employees we do still have to pay for them.
So I'm just asking you to be a bit mindful going forward.
- [Announcer] You'll go far here.
Unlike me.
(cry/laughing)
- [Announcer] Here we see the middle manager
has gathered all his prey.
He has weakened their resolve by spending two hours
discussing something that should take 10 minutes.
- And at the end of the day, the numbers don't lie
so you gotta look at each of these numbers individually
and decipher their significance.
- [Announcer] He watches the faces of his prey
and will choose the weakest one to attack.
- Oh, that's lunch.
Hey, do you guys like gaming?
I did a pretty epic twitch stream this weekend
while playing RollerCoaster Tycoon Corkscrew Follies,
yeah, you should check it out.
- [Announcer] It appears as though the middle manager
will not hunt today.
- Oh, got it pulled up.
Ah, check it out.
- [Announcer] Incredible, the middle manager
has taken out the entire herd with one attack.
A truly majestic little dickhead.
(ominous music)
- What about those Powerade powder packs?
- Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you'd offered Gatorade before.
There's a war going on, pick a side.
- Yeah.
- Pour the Powerade powder into the Gatorade.
- That's messed up.
- That's really messed up.
- That's worse than pouring Pedialyte into thick water.
- Ugh.
- You could also watch more of um,
(loud belching)
Come on in.
(laughing)
Claudia, let's do it together
three, two one.
(loud belch)
Oh, biscuit, oh now it's gross, okay.
- ♪ Hyundai Sonata ♪
Oh my pencil fell.
I'm such a cooky freak.
♪ Hyundai Sonata. ♪
(laughing)
What?
- This is a no cooky freak zone.
- I'm a cool boss, I could be cooky freak.
I'm gonna draw a mustache on you.
Oh wait, I can't.
Cause you already have a mustache.
- Is my name Claudio?
- It's Claudia.
- Claudia, okay, you say it weird.
- Claudia.
- I can't.
- Oh, I'm sorry, let me do it more Americanized.
Claudia.
(laughing)
Claud.
- What's my new sons name?
- Isn't that up to papa?
(laughing)
What the (bleep)
- Wow, thanks for watching this video.
We couldn't have done it without you.
And guess what?
If you wanna see another video you click that thing
right over there or you can
click to check out some sweet merch or you subscribe
or if you wanna do none of those,
we're gonna have a freakin problem.
- [Female Employee] You're a weird boss.
- Thank you.