[Music]
[Applause]
Wow
so how many of you grew up like me as an
only kid anybody all right cool so now
we know what the rest of you say about
us were nothing but spoiled and entitled
right but my mom and dad went out of
their way to teach this little kid about
gratitude and for this moment today I am
truly truly grateful I'm here to talk a
little bit about change okay so no
matter what you might believe as to how
this all began we're pretty sure it's
always changing right universe always
expanding mother earth always turning
right evolving I mean god we watch we
watch our kids grow up right before our
eyes right I mean she's driving freshman
in high school that little guy born with
a congenital heart defect is gonna be 11
right I hate to break the news to you
but our bodies change every day you guys
would you like proof all right there you
go
24 full-time musician I'm gonna be 50
next month that hair changing trust me
so if we can all agree that change is in
the fabric of our very existence right
so why is it so difficult for us to
change when we want to improve right as
humans would you like to know if you've
got a bracelet on like me or a watch
take it off and put it on this wrist let
me know how that feels all right so the
the metaphor I'm going to share today on
Estelle you the first time I came up
with this but I know I was delivering
sales education on the topic of asking
for referrals all right
so Dale Carnegie stated that I think 91
percent of customers would refer their
sales professional but only about 11% of
sales people ask for referrals why we're
afraid so what do we do we do something
much more common
much more comfortable right we take out
the business card and we go here's my
card it's a magic rectangle if you know
of someone who could use my help would
you mind passing it on for me and we
kind of slowly run in the other
direction hoping we get a call back
someday and one day I just went it's
like that movie mr. mom from 1980 it's a
great flick right dad loses his job
making cars he becomes mr. mom remember
1980 okay and his wife becomes the
marketing exec his little boy Kenny
can't go anywhere without his whoopee
you know that security blanket or a
stuffed animal you had when you were a
kid and he has to sit him down because
he's got to give it up and the
conversation it goes something like this
he said some Donny goes hey Ken you and
I have to have a man-to-man talk about
you will be well B's looking bad buddy
now listen I I know you little guys you
start out with your Whoopi's and all and
they're great they they are but pretty
soon we'll be is not enough you know
you're out on the streets you try to
score an electric blanket maybe even a
quilt sooner or later you're strung out
on bedspreads ken that's serious it's an
awesome exchange and it occurred to me
like that's that business card handoff
it's like the wooby and then I applied
it to different concepts in business and
eventually to life in general I do have
a special guest here with me this is
this is my would-be this is Toby he's
about to turn 50 as well just like me
and but that's what he represents those
things we know we need to change to
improve but we choose to avoid it
instead why because it's comfortable
just like this guy I do need a
babysitter further can you take care of
him just further thank you I appreciate
it
don't get attached okay so that's my
2020 vision it's also the title of my
book what's your would be I want to
share some simple strategies on you're
uncomfortable path to new opportunities
but first I have to tell you a quick
story about one of my Woody's so I did
eventually cut that hair and I got hired
by this company champion mortgage in
1997 as a Sales Professional as a
mortgage guy I still have the bag from
training right
it was an amazing company all about
people and I excelled in their model
right in just 15 months they promoted me
to branch manager a little quick
possibly they eventually brought us all
together into these big call centers
selling over the phone and I was out on
the floor one night trying to motivate
do my thing but there's a couple of
senior people like dogging it like just
not trying complaining I probably should
have grabbed them one on one right had a
chat
no I avoided that grab the three of them
in the conference room chat time I
avoided that too
I decided to do the same thing I'm just
gonna complain to the other managers in
a room about these three people so I
went back to the desk I drafted the
email I used what spongebob and patrick
star would call sentence enhancers about
these three people send problem solved
right god do i feel better but the
problem was when I sent the email I
didn't send it to group sales center
five managers I sent it to group sales
center five everyone in the room awesome
so in in that moment of embarrassment
yeah I was aware that I had problems
with conflict right I knew I was
avoiding how to be better at
accountability I never accepted the fact
that I wasn't good at it I never put
anything into action to improve I want
you to think of this as I go through
these four words they all begin with the
letter A four ace okay and the goal is
to give up that would be okay here we go
let's start with awareness so what is
this about it's about discovering why
you say the things you say why do you do
the things you do as it relates to other
people out there all right it's
important because you've got to find
your stretch zone
let me explain so if I were to hug
myself I know this is odd but this is my
comfort zone not much happens here no
change no learning something new take it
out to about here now past this area
that's the red zone that's pure terror
something stretched way too far nothing
good happens there either but in
here this is that stretch zone where you
can learn something new and change the
best mech mechanism I've ever seen for
awareness is the disc assessment it was
created back in 1940 guy by the name of
Walter Clark and my mentor Karen taught
me so much about it it's it's an
assessment based on four personality
traits D for dominance I for influence
asked for steadiness C for compliance
and each one of us leads with one of
these styles but the key is to be able
to connect your style to that stretch
zone so for example if you're an
analytical profile task oriented
somewhat introverted you don't like the
stretch zone will you go there you might
but for you it's all about why is it
logical for me to go there let's say
you're that amiable listener profile you
don't like the stretch zone either guys
will you go there you might to learn
something new and change but for you
it's all about how I need the steps how
about the driver personalities any of
those you blast right through the
stretch zone right to the red zone you
have to learn patience for the people in
the comfort zone even right but you
still need to learn and change too for
you it's all about what okay what's in
it for me at the end of this rainbow
lastly that influence or expressive
personality stuff we like the stretch
zone we love it I have a condo there
actually but for us we need to learn to
change - for us it's all about who
people driven okay because once you
become more self-aware that would be if
you don't already know what it is starts
to take shape but there's one more
important word right behind this one
acceptance another one of those a words
what's this about
well eventually we have to accept our
own reality embrace it even right we all
have the good the bad maybe even the
ugly about ourselves and people will ask
me so where do I start
ready say this I completely and fully
accept everything about myself
does anything bubble up good place to
start right there right so it's about
understanding the difference between
conscious and subconscious thought okay
conscious part of our brain we think is
in the driver's seat that's those daily
affirmations about ourselves but what
could be happening is subconsciously
we're completely being sabotaged right
it's that part of our brain that just
tells your heart to beat you don't have
to think about it right best example is
my putting game I've been golfing since
the age of three any golfers I'm a
pretty good player but anyone who's
played golf with me I know there's a
couple here I see you you know I haven't
been able to putt for like the last ten
years I miss putts this big conscious
mind right I'm the best putter I'm the
best putter I'm gonna teach Tiger Woods
how to putt subconscious part of my
brain is going uh no you're not you've
been awful for a long time you will miss
and it literally radiates like into your
shoulders down your arm arms it's a
physical movement of the putter and a
miss I had to do something different
I can't keep buying putters guys right
so I did thirty years of this putting
grip I changed it to this it's called
the claw technique you want to talk
about uncomfortable and ridiculous
and I said I'm gonna do it for the
entire 2019 season no matter what
happens I don't care what happened am I
the best putter on the face of the earth
of course not
did I get better absolutely did because
for the first time in years
subconscious brains going yeah you might
be able to make that it's important when
it comes down to acceptance so what are
some of the mechanisms for acceptance
things like guided meditation okay there
are things like relaxation breathing the
power of oxygen a phone on your app by
the name of calm awesome for that if
you've heard of EFT emotional freedom
technique it's tapping on acupuncture
points on your body looks and feels
ridiculous until I researched what it's
done for our brave women and men the US
military with PTSD and then I started to
use it
lastly performance coaching it's
powerful because the right coach will
not only understand and learn your
behavioral style
they'll match you up with the right
techniques because guys until we finally
accept those spun off parts of ourselves
we've been avoiding for so long right
what we resist persists it's very very
difficult to take action the first step
okay I always think of my buddy Dina
when it comes to action I met Dean in
2003 thirteen she's a mortgage
professional I was coaching now she was
aware of the fact that she hated asking
for referrals she didn't like to be
asked right and she eventually accepted
the fact that she didn't get better at
it
she's not gonna grow her business we
would roleplay this as a team are asked
and our company president Dave would
even say hey guys your commission based
you know if you want a bigger w2 at the
end of the year you need to get better
at this so Dee said I'm doing this
tonight I have an appointment I'm doing
it my phone rings it like 11 o'clock at
night you know that who's going to the
hospital phone call ring and like oh my
god Deena D you okay kid
she's like I'm mortified I need to talk
to you I'm like okay what's up she goes
well I ask for referrals I'm like nice
implementation what happened she goes
well I thought of that w-2 thing we
would so I grabbed the customers w-2 at
the kitchen table and I held it up
anyway you see these I don't get a very
big number on my w-2 unless my customers
refer to me
and I'm like that's a little aggressive
I'm like what did they say she goes
nothing at all
I'm like well what did you do she's like
their dog was sitting next to me just
decided to pet their dog for the rest of
the appointment right so this is all
about goals but it's about meaningful
goal-setting there's a reason why New
Year's resolutions tend to fail there's
no thought process behind it there's no
meaning behind it whatsoever so when I
set goals with people like to do it in
one page three sections section one what
do you want and why do you want it yeah
that's the numbers we got to figure out
what you need to do every day to get
there but that's the people the places
the things that matter
most to you how do you want to feel when
you land there I need to know that
section - where's it gonna come from by
the way you know many times I've sat
with someone and they say I want to do
60 transactions this year and I go
that's awesome and I start going through
their network and where their business
is generated and I go up that's 40
where's the other 20 coming from we got
to figure that out and last would be the
keys to success and that is the things
you in fact do very very well that you
are comfortable with keep doing it maybe
more of it but that would be she's
holding that's where he lives that thing
you've been avoiding for quite some time
that you need to change because once we
take the first step we gotta keep taking
them accountability this is that word
that people in business love to drop all
the time
but very few people really know how to
do it I was chatting with another mentor
Dave about this and I said so what do
you think the individuals struggle with
accountability it's like well if people
don't set goals cuz that's attached to
measurement right and timelines people
avoid accountability because that's
attention attached to potential failure
and consequences it's easier to avoid it
how about managers why do they struggle
egos they're just afraid of having a
difficult conversation with someone here
they're afraid to be direct and they
don't want that negative you know
connotation about themselves so they
just avoid it remember me that was me
right so what do we do I'll give you two
things as far as accountability number
one if you know what you want why you
want it and you believe you can actually
pull this off that Y needs to be
everywhere on your phone on your laptop
on the fridge in your car I don't care
because that's what drives you why
because the reality is is you are gonna
have adversity you are gonna fail from
time to time but you can't continue to
be the victim eventually failure has to
become your ally if that makes sense
second get an accountability partner it
could be a manager it could be a coach
it could be a best friend
my best friend man decided that's it
losing weight in 2019
now maddie is not turning vegan anytime
soon guys let me tell you so what did he
do he got a calorie counting app on his
phone it was easy to use and he
recommitted to the gym but before
working out he would go into the sauna
so he would text me and my other best
friend Jim sauna a couple days in a row
sauna a couple weeks in a row
sauna no photos from the sauna no one
needs that sauna months in a row sauna
down 60 pounds end of 2019 we were
here's accountability partners right
because that's what we're trying to get
we're trying to get to habits and if you
didn't notice you saw the pie symbol
behind every slide what is pie well it's
delicious of course it's 3.14 it's a
mathematical constant right it's not
habits and I did the research I
experienced it with my own coaching the
21 days is a myth guys it's really 60 to
90 days but look if you can get there
that would be no longer represents
something so daunting so uncomfortable
oh yeah you do have to get that back and
gotta get it back now gotta give them up
but look you got rewarded can you you're
welcome thank you
now this little guy represents victory
why you found a way to embrace
uncomfortable change finally create
better habits for yourself around this
thing you've been avoiding for quite
some time and finally got to enjoy some
new opportunity from it so you take this
guy put them right in the center of your
bed as a symbol of that victory
whenever I shared today that rang up
here think about it deeply use a ton of
sincerity about you and let happiness be
your guide because you want to create
the best version of you possible and
teach it to somebody if you become the
coach it's the best way to implement
okay and to all of you I wish you an
abundance of happiness success remember
the choice begins with you and ending
exactly like mom and dad taught me from
the bottom of my heart with
gratitude thanks for listening I'm Don
Wilson thanks
[Applause]