Hey guys!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
This video is on the five steps to undo your insecurities and negative self talk.
It's actually part 2 of the self worth and self esteem video that I recently uploaded.
So if you haven't watched that, go ahead and click on the card or down below.
Just keep in mind that I recorded it at the same time.
It was supposed to be part of the same video, but the video turned out to be so long.
I was like, "Oh my god, no one's going to watch this."
So I decided to break it down so that it's more digestible.
This one's going to stand on its own, but just keep that in mind.
Alright, hope you enjoy this one!
Now, let's talk about insecurities and how to undo your insecurities.
And this is a five-step process.
I know when I put it in five steps, it seems easy but it's really not that easy.
It's an ongoing five steps, but it hopefully will be helpful.
The first step is to become aware of your insecurities,
and you want to work through them one at a time.
You can't just knock out all your insecurities in life at once.
It really is one at a time.
In a journal, write down what the insecurity is,
and then ask yourself: "Where do I think this insecurity comes from?"
Where is the life experience, the deeply rooted childhood traumas that this insecurity comes from?
What do I believe is hurting me?
Look at your insecurities – and this is not always easy.
You've got to face your insecurities.
Cry if you have to.
FEEL it.
Don't just avoid it.
Most people just push down their insecurities because they're too afraid to feel it.
They don't want to feel that sadness, all of that.
So be brave enough to feel it, to face it, and analyze it: where does it come from?
That's Step 1.
Step 2: Change your perspective.
Ask yourself: "Am I willing to see this differently?"
The book, A Return to Love, says, "A miracle is just a shift in perception."
Sometimes all you have to do is change the way that you look at your life.
Change the way that you look at your insecurities.
Ask yourself: Am I willing to see this insecurity through the eyes of love?
Am I willing to see myself and treat myself with love?
You can't just sit and think about it.
I want you to really journal it out and put it on paper.
What would it look like if you treated yourself with love, regarding this insecurity?
How would you deal with this insecurity with love?
A part of that might be going back to that experience where that insecurity came from,
and seeing that experience through the eyes of love, rather than the eyes of "I'm not enough".
Say you're insecure about your thighs because in school,
all the kids commented on your tree trunk thighs.
And that is a common insecurity that women have.
Instead of seeing yourself as just the victim being bullied and then feeling like you're not pretty enough,
you're not good enough, you look at that situation through the eyes of love.
Then you would see that what you would do to that child version of you is give yourself a big hug
and tell yourself she's beautiful and it's okay,
and it doesn't matter what other people say about her.
They don't know what they're saying.
They're kids.
They will forget that they said that the next day.
In ten years, it won't matter.
Basically, you have to look at this insecurity and these life experiences from all angles.
Try to shift it.
Try to see it from a new perspective, and treat all of those perspectives with love.
The third step is to reprogram your mind with thoughts that support you,
thoughts that are made out of love, that support you, that are positive,
that will not hold you down or put you down any longer, because that's all that insecurity does.
For each insecure and negative thought that you have –
hopefully you're writing them out line-by-line, working on them each individually –
I want you to cross out the insecurity and rewrite it with a new belief that supports you,
a new belief that's written out of love.
For example, you might write: "I'm insecure about my thighs and I tend to hide them
because I'm afraid to show them to the world."
You would cross that out and instead you would write a new belief:
"I love my body because my body is strong and I'm capable of walking and running
and doing all of these amazing things with my body.
I do not need the beauty standards made up by mainstream media
to dictate how I feel about my own body."
The process is: After you've become aware of your insecurities or your negative thoughts,
you refute those thoughts and instead write a new thought that supports it.
After doing this exercise with a bunch of insecurities,
you will have a list of positive affirmations, positive self talk.
And the way to ingrain those into your mind is pure repetition.
Write these in your phone, repeat them to yourself in the morning, in the evening.
Repetition is how you brainwash yourself to really, really believe in it.
And this is brainwash for good, for positivity.
You want to reprogram your mind to stop thinking about those negative, insecure thoughts
and instead replace those thoughts with these positive ones.
The fourth step to undo your insecurities is to stop comparing yourself to other people.
You have to change your mindset and see that it's not a competition, it's about community.
We are here on this earth to work together in community.
You're not in competition with all the girls you see on Instagram.
It's not a race.
You're not trying to be better than other people.
There is no way that you can be better than other people because everyone's story is different.
Each person has their own life experience, their own strengths, their own stories.
And there's no way you can compare one person with the person next to each other.
They might be good at different things and different areas.
It's not an equal comparison.
It's not a fair comparison, so just stop comparing yourself to other people.
Know that all you need to compare yourself to is the past you, the you from last year, five years ago.
As long as you are improving, then that's all that matters.
It's progress, not perfection.
Progress, not competition.
One thing that I had to learn too, in my life is:
One person's success does not diminish your own worth.
Just because someone else is beautiful and killing it in life doesn't make you any less.
It just shows that you can do that too.
And what we should do instead is lift each other up, rather than want each other to fail.
One person's light does not diminish your own light.
If anything, it can help you find the light you have within, to bring it out even more.
Lastly, Step #5 is to stay aware and just catch yourself whenever you notice yourself
having an insecure or negative thought, or when you catch yourself
comparing yourself to other people, because you know that those things hurt you.
You want to program your mind to only think thoughts that help you and support you in your life.
You gotta be policing your mind and your thoughts sometimes.
You are in control of your mind.
And you don't want to let your mind control you
because most people let their mind and thoughts control them.
But know that you can take the power back.
So Step #5 is just to stay consciously aware of your mind and actively practice those positive affirmations,
programming your mind for positive thinking, seeing the world through the perspective of love.
And if you keep doing these things, it's a continuous positive feedback loop,
and it will help you so much with undoing your insecurities.
Stay tuned for more videos in this self worth mini-series.
Make sure you catch the previous video if you haven't seen it already.
Love you guys so much.
Bye!