Do you know your nutters from your numpties?
Welcome to WatchMojo UK and today we’ll be counting down our picks for the top 10
Great British swear words and insults!
For this list, we’re talking trollops, tosspots, pikeys, prats and pillocks for a well-rounded
war of words with some brilliantly British bite.
While today’s countdown isn’t ranked solely on severity, naturally there’s some bad
language ahead.
As will become clear, some of today’s entries are harsher than others.
And, while ‘minger’ isn’t exactly A-grade offensive, it’s not really something you
want to be labelled as, either.
Usually aimed at an unattractive or in some way unpleasant person, it had its heyday in
the nineties and noughties, but still occasionally crops up in uncouth conversation.
Weirdly, lose the ‘R’ and you’ve got crude slang for a woman’s private parts
- but the two words are otherwise unrelated.
Drop the ‘E’ and you’ve got a globally recognised word relating to any kind of excrement.
But if you’re sick of the linguistic status quo, what better way to uproot the English
language than by adding another vowel to a swear word?
‘Shite’ just sounds a whole lot better (and a little bit happier) than its shorter,
spikier alternative.
‘Feck’ achieves a similar feat, if you’re looking for a slighter, safer version of the
F-bomb.
As probably the least offensive word on today’s list, ‘plonker’ was of course popularised
by “Only Fools and Horses” – and usually at Rodney’s expense.
The term dates back to the 1800s, when it really did mean ‘a person who plonks’,
with ‘plonk’ relating to an action that’s clumsily carried out.
Nowadays, if you’re stupid, inept or prone to mistakes, then you’re probably a ‘plonker’
– but it’s usually said without real malice.
Swearing so often originates from terms relating to male or female anatomy, but bellend is
probably more British than most.
A preferred putdown for Sacha Baron Cohen’s Ali-G, this wide-ranging insult has been well
and truly transformed since the 19th century – when it was simply said as just another
word for ‘penis’.
And size matters, too.
But if you’re a bigger bellend than somebody else, it isn’t a good thing.
A quintessential curse for any boorish Brit, ‘piss’ is more verbally versatile than
your average offensive idiom.
If you’re told to ‘piss off’ then it’s best you vacate whichever conversation you’re
currently in – unless someone’s ‘taking the piss’, in which case they’re joking,
and you can probably stay.
But maybe they’re ‘really pissed’ – as in, they’re really angry – or they might
just be ‘pissed’ as in ‘plastered’, as in ‘drunk’.
Either way, it’s not entirely clear how a slang term for ‘urinate’ came to mean
so much – but we’ll go with it anyway.
While ‘bugger’ began life as a Medieval slur linked to sodomy, and in some instances
still bears links with certain sexual practices, it has taken on all manner of meanings in
contemporary speech.
As a direct insult, someone’s a ‘bugger’ if they’re particularly annoying.
But you can also be told to ‘bugger off’ (meaning ‘leave’), and you can have ‘bugger
all’ (if you haven’t anything to give).
A well-rounded swear-word, it’s a go-to term for the well-spoken sort.
We’re busting out the big guns, now.
Despite the obvious literal link, whenever someone calls someone else a ‘wanker’,
they’re very rarely referring to their masturbatory tendencies.
In fact, the term is typically aimed at any generally unlikeable person, for a variety
of reasons.
And while ‘tosser’ offers a slightly softer alternative[1], it’s an adaptable insult
that works especially well with road rage, or on the terraces at the football.
Another multi-use, pin-point profanity, the word ‘bollocks’ brings more to the table
than just an infamous Sex Pistols album.
A common (if coarse) colloquialism for testicles, it’s usage has actually been traced back
to one of the earliest English language Bibles.
It also doubles up as general slang for anything that’s untrue, unclear or unwanted…
Unless you’re describing something as ‘the dog’s bollocks’, in which case it’s
actually brilliant, for some reason.
Given that it’s Ron Weasley’s unofficial catchphrase, today’s runner-up sits pretty
low on the severity charts.
But few phrases feel as intrinsically British as ‘Bloody Hell’.
It’s our version of the Americans’ ‘Holy Moly’, delivered whenever someone experiences
sudden anger or surprise – for better or worse.
And you can usually get away with saying it in most situations, too.
Just don’t go using it the next time you’re in a Church - for fairly obvious reasons.
We finish on similar etymological grounds as ‘bellend’, for a penile profanity issued
all over Great Britain whenever stupidity reigns.
As a close synonym of the similarly disparaging ‘dickhead’, knobhead ticks all the boxes
as an effective expletive and insult.
It’s clear, crude, adaptable and antagonistic, and not something you’d want to be branded
as.
It can sound pretty prickly at times, but it carries just enough jest for film and TV
comedies.
An insulting all-rounder, it’s swear word supreme.