- Is there anybody you're truly obsessed with?
- Not really.
- Like, if I met Dolly, I probably would cry,
but it would be composed.
I wouldn't be like, (screams)
- There are many people that I would get very excited about,
but there's absolutely nobody on this earth
that I would cry for.
- People cry when they meet us all the time.
- A lot of times, it happens in public.
And I have to say,
"If you keep crying, I'm gonna slap you."
- And they're like,
"You're standing on my open toe shoe!"
And I'm like, "I'm so sorry." - (laughing) Yeah.
(glittering sound) - Hi, it's me, Trixie Mattel!
- And I'm Katya!
- And we are two queens who like to watch!
- And today, we have the pleasure of "Selena: The Series".
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- [Trixie] All right, so, just a warning!
If you've never seen this program before,
spoilers!
- [Trixie And Katya] Spoilers!
- To be honest, this person is already famous
and we know her life story,
so I don't know how many true spoilers there are,
- Selena is like, very similar to Princess Di,
in a way that she's revered, adored, gorgeous,
she's gone too soon, it's a heartbreak.
- People love to hear her music.
Gay clubs?
That music can play any time,
and people are like, (claps) "It's on, (beep)."
- "I Could Fall In Love",
it's one of my favorite songs of all time by anybody.
- I'm gonna admit something.
I grew up listening to Okey Smokey.
You know, (mimics twangy guitar),
so I don't know all that much about Selena.
- Well, I hope that this is a wonderful opportunity
for you to grow as a person!
- I'm a 31 year old man who still is getting
very basic gay education, sometimes,
so this is my moment.
- Mazel. (glittering sound)
(crowd cheering)
- [Trixie] Wow. She's so beautiful.
Look at those bangs!
Oh my God, I love bangs that like,
round the face like that.
So pretty.
Why does she wave like Forrest Gump?
Selena's like, sex, pose, body,
and bye.
(Katya laughing)
She kinda has an issue.
(Selena singing)
(80s ballad music)
Female drummer, fierce!
(Trixie snapping to music)
- [Katya] All right!
Up next, we're going back to the childhood.
We'll see Selena as a little girl.
- [Selena] ♪ That's why I'm leaving it up ♪
♪ Up to you ♪
- Is this what happens?
You'd never heard your daughter singing in your life,
and then one day you hear her singing beautifully?
I don't think so.
- I don't think so either.
- Singers, they're always like,
"When did you start singing," and they're like,
"My mom said I used to sing to myself to sleep as a baby,"
and I just think of a pudgy little baby being like,
♪ Bidi bidi bom bom ♪
Like, I don't think that's how it was.
Imagine, like, a (beep)ing toddler
trying to learn how to take a (beep).
Like, how's it going in there? (knocks on surface)
And you just hear, like,
♪ I keep on falling ♪
♪ In ♪
and you're like, "Oh my God, Alicia!"
And then that's how Alicia Keys, you know,
- ♪ This girl is on fire ♪
(both laughing) - Yes!
- [Selena] ♪ You design ♪
- [Katya] He's like, dollar signs!
- This has Jackson 5 written all over it.
Also, I don't wanna be gross.
They have a hot dad.
- You said that about every single dad
in every program we've ever watched.
- I know.
I want that hot, potent dad nut.
(both laughing)
- (laughing) You are disgusting.
- I want that (beep) to shoot mercury.
(soft guitar playing)
- ♪ Teardrops ♪
♪ Rolling down on my face. ♪
- This is exactly how I learned,
but my grandpa was like,
"Can you not lisp every other word?
And stop dancing!"
- Let's try it again.
A little less (beep). (laughs)
- Yeah, can you take the towel off your head?
We know you don't have long hair, you bald (beep).
- What did I do wrong?
- [Selena's father] Nothing.
- Oh, God. Oh God.
- It's about love.
- Oh my God! Okay, listen.
The one thing I cannot (beep)ing stand
is that, somehow, the power of love will compel you
to be a good musician. (Trixie laughing)
- It doesn't work like that.
- What this is setting up
is that her trials and tribulations in life
is gonna feed her soul
and make her the wonderful singer that she is.
So like, she's gonna get carjacked or something,
and then she's gonna be like, "Wow, I hit that high A."
You know what I mean?
Like, it's gonna be very transactional.
- You have perfect pitch!
Go get robbed. (both laughing)
- So, I was thinking,
we could all have fun playing together.
- No!
I don't wanna play drums!
Girls don't play drums!
- Shakira plays the drums.
- I love girl drummers.
- I saw Shakira playing the drums at the Super Bowl,
I almost turned straight. (both laughing)
- It's very weird what instruments are masc or femme,
and who it trickles down to, and why.
- Dad!
Please?
(drum cymbals playing)
(both laughing)
- [Trixie] Playing the drums against your will is so funny.
She's like, "Dad, I don't wanna be in a band with you,
(beep)ing leave me alone."
- [Selena] ♪ Down on my face ♪ (glittering sound)
- Imagine having musical children, though.
I mean, I would never stop talking about it.
My kids are in a band, eat (beep).
(Katya laughing)
Your kid runs track? My child plays the drums.
Literally, eat (beep).
Although I love drummers, I love music,
I would have to get really certain
that my son or daughter was gonna be a master
before I handed them drums in my house.
I (beep)ing don't wanna hear it,
and neither does anyone else. - Yeah, absolutely.
No one wants to hear it.
Every day?!
People would burn your house down.
- I'm a musician who hates drums,
go tell your friends. (glittering sound)
- [Selena] ♪ Why do birds sing so gay ♪
♪ And lovers await the break of day ♪
- [Selena And Trixie] ♪ Why do they fall in love
- Okay, I know exactly what this is.
This is when you play
for old people at nursing homes for free, I've done it.
- Have you really?
- I did in high school, and I did, like,
early college when I would come home for Christmas,
'cause my grandpa would be like,
"You got to go. They'll love anything you do."
(Selena singing)
- Why are you paying me now?
- Sorry, I just think the residents were hoping
for something a little different.
- Oh my God.
- Kicked out of the old folks home!
- Oh, is it because they're not white?
Or is it because she's beautiful, or what is it?
- How come we add a stop?
- Ooh.
- Mija, they had to go to bed. They're old!
(muffled disco music)
(Katya laughing)
- Oh my God, the read of the century! Holy (beep).
- [Katya] (laughing) We wanna boogie!
- They're like, "We're about to take our Cialis and grind."
There's a kid here.
DJ! You know "Pony" by Ginuwine?
- (laughing) Yeah.
- [Trixie] All right.
So, next, the whole family is crowding
into the uncle's house.
Very humble beginnings.
I grew up in a house half that size.
- That's a trailer?
- That's a double wide trailer.
I was one trailer.
Let the record show, I might've been poor,
but my nipples were always hard.
(both laugh)
(glittering sound)
No matter how good of a performer you are,
become comfortable with the fact
that everything and nothing could happen from it.
Do you know how many people can sing?
Literally everyone. Everyone can sing.
(Katya singing)
See?
Are you done? (Katya laughs)
- [Katya] Wait, wait, hold on!
(sings a high note) Go ahead.
(Trixie chuckles) (glittering sound)
- [Selena] ♪ Talk about talk about ♪
- All right, Selena's got a gig!
She's booked! Booked and blast!
- Booked, blast, and busy!
- ♪ Won't you take me to ♪
♪ Funky town ♪ - [Katya] All right! Come on.
Belt it out.
- [Selena] ♪ Won't you take me to ♪
- She's getting a taste for it!
- By the way, I'm sure this little actress,
I'm sure this is really her voice.
She's turning it.
- She's saying, "Die mad, haters."
- Die mad, haters!
- (scoffs) Stay mad, die mad.
I'm cashing checks and counting money. (laughs)
- ♪ Funky town ♪
- Now, I have played a wedding.
I played exactly one wedding,
and it was a little awkward, but it was fun.
- I've done weddings.
- It's a little weird, but it's fine.
- Dancing the hoochie coochie for straight people
is always demoralizing.
(chill music playing)
(radio clicks) (upbeat Spanish music)
- Dad, no! (both laughing)
- I liked that one!
- I love the sister.
She's pissed about the drums,
she's pissed about the radio station,
she's pissed about the sister that gets all the attention.
- [Suzette] Can you just turn it back?
- No. - No. (Beep) you.
You're listening to this.
- [Selena] Why do I need to sing in Spanish?
- Because,
people will pay to hear music that speaks to them.
- (clapping simultaneously) Representation matters!
You have to see somebody who looks like you, sometimes,
just to even imagine that things are possible.
You know what's interesting about Selena, too?
The impact really can't be underestimated
because JLo's performance as Selena
rocketed her to such another star level.
- Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
I remember, once I saw Linda Evangelista,
I was like, thank goodness there's another person
as beautiful as me out there, getting famous,
because I was like, I thought I was the only one.
- It can all happen! (glittering sound)
(upbeat Spanish music)
If you have great face,
a super short haircut is almost like bragging.
- Yeah, totally. - Look how (beep)ing hot I look
with no hair.
- Like, Madonna did that.
Madonna had a (beep)ing teeny tiny piece of it,
and she's like, so (beep)ing gorgeous,
and with that hair, she'd make her look like a dog.
(Trixie laughs)
- [Suzette] Hey, dad!
How'd we do? Good, huh?
- You did fine.
- Fine?
- Sometimes I'm glad my grandpa was not so alive
by the time I started having music on the Billboard charts,
'cause I know he would have been like,
"14? Why aren't you number one?"
(Katya laughing)
Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah. - Okay, thanks.
- I love to learn more about your childhood, Trixie.
- I hate you. (glittering sound)
(Selena's father sighs)
- You're looking good, my friend!
- So are you!
- [Katya] I love record executives offices in movies.
- Oh my God, there could be an entire documentary
about the way record people's offices are portrayed.
- It's a very parallel track
to how the devil is portrayed in movies. (laughing)
- (laughing) A hundred percent!
- Yeah, and they're always either, like,
some scrappy Jewish guy
fighting for what's right, artistically,
or it's literally like, a devil demon
just trying to completely destroy someone's life.
- [Trixie] This is back when record deals
had a lot of meaning.
They don't really, anymore.
- I need you to make a record.
- [Record Executive] and I need to come out of the gig
with a hit.
- We're gonna give you hit!
- Next up, a star is born. (glittering sound)
(Selena singing in Spanish)
Every single (beep)ing movie
that involves a recording studio
is that closed up on the board and the hand,
and then just the,
- You also wouldn't, in the middle of a song,
turn something, - Never!
You would never!
It's like,
we need more juice on these incredible vocals!
All the way!
(laughing) I mean, it was down for some reason.
- That's them turning down her vocals
and then turning up the (clicks tongue to beat of song)
- (laughing) Yeah.
- You and I have worked in music studios!
Is it ever that glam? Is it Ever? No.
Literally, sometimes we're in someone's house.
(glittering sound) Oh, making their own costumes.
- The good old days!
- [Trixie] Oh! That is fierce.
(clapping simultaneously) These looks are fierce.
- [Katya] The fringe epaulettes? So good.
- An outfit that's neither feminine nor masculine,
and make everyone wear it. (Selena singing in Spanish)
Can I say something? This music sounds cheesy, right?
- Super cheesy.
- It sounds like music that would come out of like,
a kid's toy.
I guess 'cause it's old. It's eighties, or whatever.
Ooh, they love her.
- Regional fame. - That's a big deal.
- Next up, we see the inevitable pressure
that every musical act must confront
to start to outlive their status as a one hit wonder.
- You ever miss that?
- What? - Just being a teenager?
- Okay, I gotta say this.
They're beautiful. Why are they dressed as old women?
(laughing) - I was gonna say, is she 80?
- They're they're dressed as little, like, bingo ladies.
Literally, a grandma sweater with kittens on it.
She's on her way to go pick up some cross stitch patterns.
- 165 years old.
- She got a hit and she said,
"we're skipping straight to retirement, sis.
I'm going to Branson." (glittering sound)
- [Katya] What about being a one hit wonder?
I don't think it's all that bad.
- No. I mean, it depends on the hit.
If you have a mega mega hit, (beep) everyone.
- (Beep) everybody. (Beep) it.
Could you live off that for the rest of your life?
- Are you kidding?
If you wrote "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"
or something like that,
you don't have to work ever again.
If you own it, if you own the music.
However, let's say you are the artist,
and your deal wasn't that great,
and so, you don't really own the master or anything,
maybe not. - You are (beep)ed for life.
(glittering sound)
(Selena and Suzette giggling)
- [Radio Announcer] Selena Y Los Dinos.
- Wow, okay.
Hearing someone driving by hearing your song on their radio.
I mean, that's a gag.
- How wild would that be? Yeah.
- Fans were tagging me that "Video Games" was playing
in Urban Outfitters,
and that, to me, was like,
- Holy (beep), that's amazing!
- I just heard "Dame Un Beso"!
They're playing it on the radio!
- So?
Lots of bands have one hit. Where's your next one?
(Katya scoffs)
- Love this dad! I love this dad!
Dad, something good happened!
So what? Kids are dying.
- Dad, I just made a million dollars!
Well?
Why not two?
Pop that balloon. (glittering sound)
- It's awful that she passed so early,
but it's a (beep)ing serve that her impact is so big,
and she peaced out at 23.
- Tragedy.
It's like Aaliyah, you know? Angel.
- [Trixie] You and I are still just hitting the pavement,
trying to make things happen. (laughing)
So, this show has everything!
It has DIY costumes, it has age inappropriate hair.
- Yeah. Family dramas, family successes.
- Bands, keyboards, guitars.
- Yeah.
Old folks boogeying down, grooving in the nursing home.
- Singing children in a way that isn't annoying.
(Katya singing)
So check out the "Selena: The Series" on Netflix.
(both blow kisses) (classical music)