Hey guys, welcome back thanks for joining me for another video if you are new to my channel, my name is Stephanie
I am a life and relationship coach. If you are a subscriber and a part of the notification community
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With whatever it is that's going on in your life. So let's get right into this week's video
So this week I want to talk about
What it looks like when two
Narcissists are in a relationship together because I get this question often from people where they're asking me
well
Really who can really be with a narcissist either at someone who's codependent or what if it's someone actually who is narcissistic
themselves or has
Narcissistic traits, so I want to go over kind of like the dynamic in this relationship
So you can understand what this relationship is actually about
so to start this off, let's just say that any relationship with a narcissist is not healthy period point-blank
So if you're looking at a couple and you suspect that, both of them are narcissists, they're not in a healthy relationship
So even a relationship with the narcissist and a codependent, that's not a healthy relationship
So let's start off with the dynamic between a female and a male narcissus
So the female narcissists like we've discussed before you know
I've done the video on traits of a female a narcissist
If you haven't seen that I'll link it down below so you can check it out after this video
But for the female she is very sexual. She's very into appearances and she's really a surface-level person
So she's into the finer things in life
money, you know, um
things cars
purses what can I get from you and so she knows how to manipulate a man in order to get what she wants that a
narcissistic supply whether that's
admiration whether that's
Him spending money on her whether it's her being able to go off and do whatever she wants and he turns a cheek
The way she gets her narcissistic supply is through her sexuality is through her body
So a lot of women in the beginning will be very sexual. They don't think that you're the man of her dreams and
She will look at you with such respect and oh my god
I found this person and you're just it and she just lifts that male ego up so high
Because she wants to get what she wants out of this situation. So whether it's a female or male
Regardless of their tactics they're just there because they have an agenda
They want something from their partner and in order to get that thing
They're basically grooming you and so that's how in the beginning that honeymoon phase really is
It's the grooming period in this relationship. So now with a male narcissus he's going to same thing
He wants something from this female whether it's you know, I want her to think that I walk on water
I want people to think that I'm the best dad in the world. I'm the best father. I'm the best husband
I'm the great guy in the office
He needs people to feed into that male ego because that male ego is so fragile
So in order to get people to view me in a certain way I need to do certain things. So instead of being
Sexual like what the woman is to the man for a woman?
Sexuality and having you know intimacy and things like that. It's important to a female but really females lead with their emotions
so when a male comes in he's going to be extremely charming and
He is the male narcissus is the highly manipulative person
So he knows exactly what to say in order to
Make you fall in love with him and think he's the best guy in the world
so he really uses his mind to be manipulative to be relentless to get what it is that he wants and he's
sniffing out the weaker type of woman that's going to believe all of these things and the early stages of their
Relationships so he can hook her in now with the female and the male, especially with a male
the biggest thing with this person is they look down on everyone so
He or she mostly he is the smartest person in the room. Everyone else is beneath him. He knows more than anyone else and
When you're dealing with that high of an ego, it's really really hard to get to the core of a person, right?
You're never gonna get to the core of someone if they just have this
Grandioso personality where they think that they walk on water and this person really thinks that they're the smartest person in the room
So they can't be around anyone that challenges their ability
So they need to always be surrounded with people that they deem beneath them
So you see with the male narcissus he can never be around other
males or quite frankly other females that are
successful as him at his level or
Possibly even a little underneath him success wise, you know, like maybe she hasn't really gotten there yet
But he knows that she's capable of it that bruises his ego so much because he's no longer the big dog in the house
He's now competing in this relationship for
success
admiration thinking that he's the man when the woman is becoming just as successful as him or just as intelligent as him or
You know able to carry on a conversation with people. He doesn't want that. He really just wants a trophy wife
He really just wants to showpiece someone that he can just show off. So it you know boosts up his ego
But but a woman that also doesn't threaten his ego too much now for the woman
Because she is obsessed with more of like the finer things
She might want the big house and it doesn't mean that she's not successful in her own, right?
But she needs things from this man and that that shows her love
That's how she deems love is. What can I get?
This situation so if that's how she looks at the situation if she's with a man
That is not at her level or even maybe even a little higher
She's going to immediately either cheat on him leave the relationship without, you know, second thought and jump into another relationship
Possibly with someone who's more successful or doing better financially get married right away and just really jump into that
you know relationship because she didn't respect the guy that she was actually with she didn't think that
He was the man that he was going to be able to give her what she wanted
You know
he might have been a great man and a husband and a father and caring and sensitive and
Emotionally could have supported her and been there for her and had a great life
but it wasn't what it wasn't the life that she wanted to live because the other good things about him were not the things that
she valued in a relationship and that's really really important to understand because I think sometimes if you've been in these relationships
with a narcissist and you've been
Discarded you often have that period of thinking you know was I not good enough
Or and had to have been me and what did I do wrong?
And it has nothing to do with you because you could have been the most perfect
Human being ever and it's still not enough for a person. That's just empty inside
So it's almost like there's just a hole at the bottom of someone and no matter what you're giving someone it's just it's going right
Through them they don't value the things that you bring to the table and the things that you bring to the table are the real
Connection the substance of any relationship but they don't want substance. They just want surface level relationships. It's all about what can I get?
It's all about what their agenda is. It's all about feeding that ego and getting that in our statistic supply
So like I said with the male narcissus
He might be in a relationship with a woman who perhaps is maybe just as as
Successful as him or kind of reaching that point or maybe she's just a stay-at-home mom, but she's really smart
She's very intelligent and he knows that she's capable of doing a lot of things and so he doesn't want that
That is not what appeals to him because that is a threat to his ego
so again
He'll cheat on that woman or leave that relationship really really quickly because in his mind
he looks at it as this is a threat this this woman is not gonna be able to give me a
Narcissistic supply and give me what I want. She's not gonna think I'm the man because she's holding me accountable
She wants more from me that I'm not able to give right I'm not gonna be able to emotionally support her
I'm not gonna ever care about how her day was and what was going on with her and what her mental state is and how
She's doing emotionally. I don't care about any of that stuff. All I care about is
succeeding
thriving and having people think that I'm the man and all of these surface level things and I need a woman that
Values those surface level things and that's where the female narcissist comes into play
so now when this relationship starts between this man and this woman
It's the same thing like any other relationship he's wining and dining her. She's being very sexual
They're still giving each other, you know their own
Hook so to speak so they're they're grooming each other. But the problem with this relationship is that
That's exactly what each other wants
So it's no different than any other relationship if you had a male narcissus and a female codependent. She's codependent
So she's gonna eat up all of that grooming that it's done in the very beginning where oh my god. I found him
He's prince charming. He's all I've ever wanted. He's so romantic
He does this this and this same thing with the female narcissus and the male codependent. It's no different. So now when there's two narcissus,
They're doing the same thing. They're feeding off of each other because they look oh my god
I finally found this person like they're doing all the things that I wish my ex would have done
You know
She's thinking that I'm the man and she's loving that I'm buying her like all of these
expensive purses and taking her to dinners and trips and you know, all these extravagant things and he loves that like
I just think he's the man and I feed into this male ego and I don't expect anything from him, right?
I'm just loving everything that he's giving me. That's exactly what they both want
So they feed off each other for a very long time. So now when this relationship
starts if one or both of them perhaps
Cheated on their last partner. Let's say one of them
Let's say the male cheated on the female and he enters into this relationship with this female narcissus
He just like any narcissistic relationship is going to want to hurt that person
I want to hurt you because
You didn't give me what I needed you bruised my ego you threatened that in our statistic supply
You didn't give me what I needed
you didn't mirror back what I wanted to see in myself and for that I'm gonna punish you now and
So a lot of the times this is where people can feel so hurt
because a discard will happen and they'll immediately their ex will immediately jump into another relationship and they're flaunting that
Relationship, you know everywhere all social media or perhaps to you in general
Flaunting in your face and all those things and the new person that they're with is doing the same thing as well
So she thinks oh my God
He's the one that suffered in that
relationship and he was the man and he did everything for her and she just didn't value him and she's the crazy ex and I
You know, I can't believe she didn't see what I see in this person
So she's feeding off of his ego so much and she's narcissistic as well
So in order for her to feel good about herself and what she was doing
she wants to make you suffer as well and
this they basically are feeding off of each other so much that there's such a high going on in that relationship and just
Like in anything in life where there's a high there's a low things always come up and then they come down
So now what happens is these two narcissists are in a relationship and yeah, everything's great. Oh my god
I found the person I get married or we stay together for years and years or whatever, but at some point in that relationship
Normal life is going to start happening
And when normal life starts happening
What happens between these two people is now I want more
Because now the high of a new relationship a fresh relationship
You know an exciting one is that's kind of dwindling now
And now I'm not feeding off of these things that you are giving me in the beginning that I just expect now
And I'm not getting anymore because normal life is starting to happen
So life happening possibly, you know moving in together bills are need to be paid jobs
And you know, we need to have jobs in order to have a certain lifestyle
Now kids are being born, you know and again life starts happening
So when this starts happening and again, this could be who knows this could be six months. This could be thirty days
This could be five years like it just takes time
But the point is that these people don't this is not through thick and thin type of a relationship
This is what can I get out of the relationship and when I'm not getting when I need any longer?
I'm gonna look elsewhere for it
so either they're both gonna start cheating on each other or he's gonna start looking around or she's gonna be you know,
Canoodling with the pool boy or whatever that looks like. They're just incapable of having
Healthy relationships, so it doesn't mean that the relationship could end they could last forever
But the problem is they're going to be either cheating on each other because they need constant supply
So I think that's something that's so important to understand what these relationships is
These individuals need constant admiration and they have to get it from whatever they're attracted to
So of the male is heterosexual
sheeny
he needs to get it from a female and if he's not gonna get it from his narcissistic wife because she's
Demanding more from him and he doesn't want to give it because he wants more right these people are both selfish selfish people
So they're not gonna get what they want. They're gonna jump ship and look elsewhere
It doesn't mean they're gonna get divorce
They could stay marriage forever and just cheat on each other for ever and ever but they're never gonna have a healthy relationship
So, I hope that that helps clarify
How this dynamic works?
It's a very sick and unhealthy relationship and most often people think oh my god
They're gonna last forever because they're the same breed. You know what I mean? They both are superficial people
They're both selfish
But when you're selfish you need someone who's always going to enable you and give you what you want and that's very hard to do
When you're dealing with two individuals
Who are both selfish and both want and want and want?
So, I hope that that helps you understand this dynamic a little better
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