how many times have you screamed at the
tv
while watching a horror movie yelling
stuff
like no don't go down there you idiot or
run jamie lee curtis run
well it's time to put your money where
your mouth is
because now you're trapped inside a
horror movie
even if you're the fastest the strongest
or even the smartest in the world of
horror movies
no one is safe in fact
your chances of survival are even lower
than in real life
one wrong move could mean a horrifying
death
the good news is we've got the know how
to help you out
today we're going to learn how to
survive in a
horror movie
the best horror films stay with you even
after the movie is over but what if this
was taken literally
what if you had to survive a night
trapped inside a horror film
it would be hopeless right well here's
the thing
horror films relish their genre
conventions
this means that within the world of a
horror movie there's a list of rules you
have to follow
there are certain rules that one must
abide by in order to successfully
survive a horror movie
will you survive the night or become
another
horror movie victim here's johnny
luckily for you we've taken the time to
watch hours and
hours of scary movies and have come up
with a list that may get you through
this
in one piece step one
be a good person but not too good
ok i know this sounds a little
contradictory but it's going to help you
make it out of this with your life
your sanity and your limbs
still intact horror movies love to
punish
jerks so if you're a mean cheerleader or
an obnoxious jock
your days are numbered rude characters
are usually killed off early
and the meaner you are the more
spectacularly brutal your death will be
audiences love to see jerks get their
comeuppance
don't give them fuel for their bloodlust
it's better to be the kind-hearted
leading man
or woman because statistically a
protagonist
stands a much greater chance of
surviving a night of terror
but here's the thing you don't want to
be too good
sure doing nice things may make you feel
all warm and fuzzy
but beware there is such a thing as too
much kindness
so if you find yourself thinking about
picking up that hitchhiker
or adopting that little boy with a 666
birthmark just remember the phrase no
good deed
goes unpunished step two
don't investigate what was that strange
noise out in the woods
hmm i'd better go check it out alone
i'll be right back
[Applause]
don't go into barns basements graveyards
ancient burial grounds abandoned insane
asylums
or anything even the slightest bit for
boating anybody here
not only are you trespassing but your
flagrant uninvited violation of a killer
space
is a surefire way to being spectacularly
murdered
step 3 stay together as the saying goes
there's strength in numbers so never
ever
split up if you do well expect the
killer to pick you off
one by one a safe number would be a
group of
five or more at the very least when the
killer comes
you have an 80 chance that they won't
off you first
so just hunker down together and wait
till sunrise
as long as we stay here we should be
wait
why are you getting naked step four
no sex okay keep it in your pants for
just a second
now is really really not the time for
some reason
sex in a horror movie usually guarantees
death
better to save yourself for marriage
even if you are a pure as the driven
snow virgin you'll still wind up a
blood-spattered hyperventilating mess
but a very much alive blood spattered
hyperventilating mess
step 5 even the odds
now that you've endured a night of pure
terror you've grown to be a more
confident person
and are finally ready to stand up for
yourself get away from her you
but unless you are schooled in the art
of self-defense and your hands are
listed as registered weapons don't walk
around empty-handed
it's time to arm yourself and prepare
for the final showdown
step six never assume the killer is dead
okay we did it we beat the killer oh
now let's go home and that happens every
time
monsters like freddy jason michael heck
even the terminator are unstoppable
forces of evil that will never give up
there are sequels to be made after all
chances are
if they're down they're never out finish
the job
or put as much distance between you and
them as possible
the good news is horror movies are
make-believe they're like roller
coasters
meant to make you afraid in a safe space
but real life can be a horror show too
if you want to survive a horror movie
situation keep your wits about you at
all times
use common sense and don't go anywhere
alone
but what if you have to be alone what if
there's no one else but you
and you are the last person alive on
earth well
good news is we're here to help you
survive whatever life throws at you
don't forget to follow us if you liked
this episode
[Music]