>>[CRYING] [KNOCK ON THE DOOR] >>WHAT IS IT SWEETIE?
>>NOTHING MOM! I'M OKAY!
>>OH COME ON HONEY. YOU KNOW YOU CAN TALK TO ME.
>>THE GIRLS AT SCHOOL WERE SO MEAN TO ME TODAY. >>WHAT?
BUT, WELL HOW IS THAT? I MEAN YOU'RE THE MOST POPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL.
>>I KNOW, THEY ALL THINK I'M AMAZING. >>WELL SO, SO WHAT HAPPENED?
>>WELL FIRST OFF I TOLD BETSY GREEN THAT SHE HAD A REALLY MANLY FACE AND SHE GOT MAD AT ME.
SHE SAID THAT I WAS RUDE.
>>WHAT? NO, THAT WASN'T RUDE.
>>YEAH, AND THEN SOMEBODY WALKED BY AND SAID THAT
BETSY'S HAIR LOOKED REALLY GOOD AND I WAS LIKE, "HER?"
AND SHE STARTED CRYING JUST 'CAUSE I WAS ASKING
A CLARIFYING QUESTION. >>OH HONEY!
I'M SO SORRY. YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU WERE JUST TRYING
TO TELL THE TRUTH. >>EXACTLY!
>>BETSY IS GROSS. >>YEAH.
I WANTED HER TO KNOW. YOU KNOW?
AND THEN HER LITTLE FRIEND JANICE CAME UP AND SHE WAS LIKE,
LIKE I WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR SOMETHING. >>OH SHE DID NOT DO THAT TO MY BABY!
>>SHE DID! AND I SAW THAT THEY WERE UPSET SO I TRIED
TO MAKE THEM LAUGH AND I SAID, "SHUT UP FAT NERDS."
AND THEY BOTH STARTED CRYING. >>WHAT?
NO. >>YEAH, I WOULD HAVE FELT BAD IF IT
WASN'T ALL THEIR FAULT YOU KNOW? >>WELL IT WAS!
I MEAN THEY BROUGHT IT ON THEMSELVES. >>YEAH!
AND SO YOU KNOW, I TRIED TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER
SO I WENT UP TO THEM AND I USED A REALLY SOFT VOICE WHILE
THEY WERE CRYING AND I SAID, "YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING."
YOU KNOW? 'CAUSE I WANTED THEM TO BE PREPARED FOR
I MEAN OF COURSE I KNOW. I TOLD THAT TO ALL THE UGLY NERDY KIDS IN
MY HIGH SCHOOL AND A LOT OF THEM, THEY WENT ON TO
BECOME WILDLY SUCCESSFUL COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS
JUST TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD. >>OH!
>>I JUST THINK THAT SOME PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THEY NEED TO ACCEPT THAT WE'RE RIGHT AND
THEY'RE LOSERS. >>YES.
OH, AND THEN OH AND THEN-- >>WHAT? >>SORRY.
THAT'S MY BAD MOM. I'M A SLOB.
OH IT'S OKAY BABY. >>SORRY.
BUT THEN! YEAH, JANICE WAS LIKE, SHE PUT ON THIS REALLY
BRAVE FACE AND SHE SAID, "IF YOU CAN'T "SAY ANYTHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING
AT ALL." AND SHE HIT MY BACK HAND WITH HER FACE.
>>OH MY BABY! >>I KNOW!
MY HAND REALLY HURTS! >>YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT IS JUST LIKE THAT HARRY POTTER BOOK WHERE EVERYBODY'S PICKING ON VOLDEMORT.
I MEAN IT'S REALLY JUST BECAUSE HE'S IMMORTAL AND AMAZING.
>>YEAH! YEAH!
SPEAKING OF WHICH, JANICE HAS A HARRY POTTER STICKER ON HER BACKPACK AND I WAS LIKE,
"UH BIGOT MUCH?" AND SHE HIT MY FOOT WITH HER TEETH!
>>OH! >>YEAH!
>>JANICE, JANICE HAS SOME NERVE. >>YEAH.
>>TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED NEXT. >>MRS. SULLIVAN YELLED AT ME.
>>NO! >>YEAH!
>>WELL JANICE WAS THE ONE THROWING HER TEETH IN FRONT
OF YOUR FOOT LIKE THAT! >>YEAH!
EXACTLY! SO WHILE MRS. SULLIVAN WAS IN THE BATHROOM
I WAS PLAYING WITH MY LIGHTER AND SOME OF HER ANTIQUE FAMILY
PHOTOS FELL DIRECTLY ONTO THE FLAME!
>>YOU KNOW WHAT? THOSE THINGS, THEY HAPPEN!
>>YEAH. AND THEN SHE SENT ME TO THE PRINCIPLE'S
OFFICE. >>NO!
WELL IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! OH HONEY, LET'S PUT THAT DOWN.
WHAT IS IT SWEETHEART? >>BRETT JOHNSON CLAIMS I RUINED HIS LIFE TODAY
JUST BECAUSE I FIRED HIM. >>OH.
>>I MEAN I TRIED TO BE NICE ABOUT IT, I EVEN DID IT IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE AND KIDS.
>>OH SWEETIE! >>OH AND MR.EGLEMEN, THE OLD MAN FROM ACCOUNTING,
I PANTSED HIM AT THE BOARD MEETING TODAY AND HE DIDN'T LIKE IT.
>>OH, DADDY I'M SORRY! >>I KNOW.
HE WAS BEING UNREASONABLE. I MEAN HE WAS PRACTICALLY BEGGING ME TO DO IT.
HIS PANTS WERE RIGHT THERE!
>>OH! >>WELL YOU KNOW HONEY, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL
ANY BETTER, I THREW AN EGG AT COP'S FACE TODAY AND HE
ARRESTED ME. I MEAN, I JUST--
I THINK THAT THAT'S DISCRIMINATION AGAINST PEOPLE WITH GREAT AIM AND A DEEP HATRED FOR
COPS. >>YEAH.
>>WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST ON PICKING ON THIS FAMILY?
>>I DON'T KNOW. >>HEY NEIGHBORS!
I FOUND ALL OF THESE MARBLES OUT ON YOUR FRONT WALKWAY.
I PICKED THEM UP FOR YOU. >>WE LIKE TO KEEP IT HAZARDOUS SO THAT WE
CAN WATCH PEOPLE FALL AND BREAK THEIR BONES AND THINGS.
STOP DOING THAT PETERSON!
>>SORRY, I JUST THOUGHT-- >>YOU'RE A NOBODY PETERSON!
>>YEAH, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL PETERSON!
>>I'LL GO PUT THESE BACK. >>[SOUNDS OF DISGUST] >>HUH.
>>WHAT'S THE MATTER DEAR? >>JUST PETERSON'S FACE.
HE LOOKED SO, SAD. IT MADE ME FEEL SOMETHING.
>>WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >>IT MADE ME FEEL BAD INSIDE LIKE,
ALMOST LIKE... GUILT-- NO!
I'M HUNGRY! >>OH, THANK GOODNESS.
>>OKAY. LET'S GO DEMORALIZE THE NERDS AT PIZZA PALACE!
>>OKAY!