Celeste is the single greatest video game ever created.
Zero out of five.
This is a platformer about a stubborn girl
who is trying to scale a mountain
despite not having any sort of training or experience.
Thankfully, she slips off of a bridge.
And then a bird tells her that she has this
This air dash move is what makes the game so fun.
You have that and a wall climbing move that sort of like Zelda
where you can climb until you run out of stamina.
Everything is built around these two mechanics
and I mean, they push the boat pretty damn far out there
with all sorts of tricky level design and obstacles.
The first wrench they throw into the mix is this traffic light block.
You can grab on to and it zooms over a little track
then two seconds later,
you find that the momentum from this thing can launch you to the other side of the level.
So, ooh! Now things are getting interesting.
Then it hits you with this jewel thing
that grants you another air dash if you break it
and the levels just keep building and building on that foundation.
You get this bubble thing that's like...
...and then you get this space block that's like...
...and then you get this guy. He's like...
...and you got this feather.
The feather is fucking awesome!
Now to think, what other game had a feather?
Huh? Huh?
You also have a ton of side challenges here where you can win a strawberry.
Now think back to Donkey Kong.
What do you get in that game?
Bananas. Yeah? See what I'm saying?
I think they did a beautiful job with these extra challenges.
They're so seamlessly woven into the levels
and their design is less about pixel perfect precision
and more about using your moveset in smart, creative ways.
What the fu-
Oh my f-
Jesus fuck-
Get the fuck-
Oh...
That's how you do it.
There was a level where I found a computer in the secret crevice
and I booted up this primitive ass 4-bit version of the game,
and I had a moment where I was like
"Wait."
"Why am I getting the strawberries in this fake game inside of the game"
"before I even have the strawberries from the actual game?"
And it's because there's no divide, really.
Whether you're doing the main game, the strawberries, the minigame, or the cassette tapes,
it all feels like quality stuff.
The only misstep worth mentioning is this dumb part.
After you beat the game, you unlock a bonus level,
which is one of the best parts of the game except
you're gated off from entering it until you get four hearts.
Now at this point in the game, I had collected
85 of 180 strawberries
and zero hearts.
I didn't even know these were in the game.
To get hearts, you have to beat these cassette levels
and what's interesting about the cassette levels is that
they are fucking evil!
If the main game's difficulty curve looks like this,
then the cassette levels are up here.
It- It- It doesn't really make sense going from this...
...back to this
for the bonus level.
I think this would have been the perfect spot to reward players for getting the strawberries,
but despite that hiccup,
I think Celeste is a great 2D platformer
with a surprising amount of game on its bones.
[Outro]
*2 Mello - Mirror Temple (Mirror Magic Mix)*