- When you can't remember things, I think maybe you've gone
a little too far.
- That is getting drunk summed up in a post.
♪ (upbeat intro) ♪
- (FBE) So, a fun thing on the internet that we're
gonna show you is some drunk texts.
- Oh no. Okay, see.
This is exactly where they're both gonna be funny
or they're gonna be kind of embarrassing.
I'm down for either, but it feels very 50/50.
- I love reading drunk texts because they're just relatable.
If you are a little tipsy, you might end up texting
people things that maybe you would regret the next morning.
- I don't drink, so I don't drunk text,
but I've gotten drunk phone calls.
- I've seen many of these from my friends
and I'm usually the one that tries to avoid people
sending drunk texts, but they're also pretty funny.
- It's so funny because first of all, half the time,
I have to decode the message, whatever it is.
- I've been a receiver of many. I don't send them out,
'cause that's not a lifestyle I live, but sometimes
you just get them and you feel bad
and awkward for the other person and you're just like,
"Get it together, homie."
- "Help. M Drink."
"What do you want me to help with?
More drinks?" "Same me.
I'm too funk. I'm so srunk!"
- "Nope, you can still type. Not drunk enough."
"Help me, please." "Please don't die."
Okay, that's really scary and also really concerning.
- This guy in the blue, this is literally me.
"Please don't die." This is all I say,
is "Have fun, stay safe."
- This person was a little there. I've definitely seen worse,
'cause I could definitely decode whatever
they're trying to say in a few seconds.
- Wait, did they just say "not drunk enough?"
They're still not drunk enough that they can type.
"Please don't die." Well at least they care.
They don't want him to die.
- I've seen a lot of helpless drunk people
where they just get to that point
of "I can't do anything for myself and I want you
to hold my hand here." and I feel like that's
exactly what this text is.
- "I wasn't that wasted." "Are you kidding me?
You opened up a bunch of tampons and said
they looked like little ghosts and you tried to haunt me
for a while." "They do kind of look
like little ghosts." They say that drunk words
are sober thoughts and he's just displaying that
in text version.
- What you think of when you're drunk is what
you are really thinking of. That's what your brain goes to.
I've seen it a lot in family and friends and things
where I'm like, whenever you hear a drunk person talk,
there's always some truth in that, so I mean yes,
tampons are ghosts.
- Now that I think about it, they do.
The ones in the commercials when they--
have you seen those commercials where the tampons spread apart?
- It's understandable. I get it, I get it.
You gotta be pretty drunk to open a bunch of tampons.
- That means they had a fun night.
They were just at home opening tampons
with a glass of wine. Sounds completely normal.
- He was pretty wasted if he thought they were
mini ghosts. People get weird when they drink.
Really weird.
- "Weee pootis." "Yes?"
"I want a Twinkie right now."
- "Hostess is out of business." "I am the lion king son."
What? "Buy me a Twinkie."
"Dad." "You are my little fluff."
Oh my God. I just read "dad" on the top.
That's crazy. Your dad drunk texting you.
That's not okay.
- This is adorable and then also just so funny
'cause I like first of all how demanding and aggressive it is,
but also just the reminder of "You're my little fluff."
- I'm on the borderline between if this is funny or
does my dude need help, 'cause it's 6 PM.
There might be some deeper issues we're dealing with.
- Being around a parent when they're a little tipsy
is the funnest thing ever because they just start
acting probably your age, 'cause you think your parents
are supposed to be these people that you look up to
and they don't get drunk and [bleep] and then you do
see them drunk and it's funny.
- I can't imagine getting a drunk text from my dad.
He really wants a Twinkie and it's nice that he trusts
his child with achieving the goal of getting a Twinkie.
- "Hey babe." "Yeah?"
"I gotta tell you something." "It's 3:38 AM."
"Take it seriously." "What?"
"I am the Batman." "You're drunk, aren't you?"
"Yeah."
- To be honest, the first thing I pick up right away it's like,
if you're getting a text at 3:38 AM, the first thing
I would say is, is everything good? Instead, he's like, "Yeah.
Question mark. What do you want?"
- I'd probably say some dumb [bleep] like this,
'cause in the moment, you're like, this person
is definitely not awake, but I'm gonna text them everything
and then you wake up in the morning, you're like,
oh wow, I shouldn't have done that.
- This person can spell a lot better than the last ones,
but they do think they're Batman, so there is still
something wrong there.
- If you're drunk enough to feel like Batman,
you've reached a good level. I wanna feel like Batman
if I ever got drunk, so go you.
- You're drunk and you're texting your bae at 3:38
waking them up when they have to work at 6, 7 AM.
Isn't that cute? Every relationship goal.
- "Was I that drunk?" "You dug up my mom's garden
because, and I quote, '[bleep] FarmVille.'"
- Oh my God. Isn't FarmVille a Facebook thing?
- FarmVille? No one hangs out
on Facebook like that any more, fam, okay?
- I hopped on there for a little bit.
A couple weeks I was out there plowing and gardening
and getting my crops up for the season,
but we got hit with a hard winter once
and that's when I had to call it quits.
- Poor garden. How do you explain that to mom
after that? Hopefully, they're old enough
so they can tell their mom that they were drunk,
but I'd feel the need to have to regarden
her whole garden after.
- Especially too, with a lot of drunk people,
there's that tendency to get destructive,
but at least it's kind of funny. Yes, they tore up the mom's garden,
but there was a nice punchline to it,
so I feel like it was worth it.
- "Julia, I'm drunk. I love you."
"I love you too, but I am sober."
"Julia, you are amazing. You know my loyalty,
you know my love. What else is there?"
- "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes."
Oh wait, isn't that a song? ♪ I throw my hands up ♪
♪ in the air sometimes ♪
- It's emotional for some people. I know a lot of people
who get really teary eyed when they're drunk.
I'm like, it's okay. You're fine.
- 10:50, okay, I give it to you. It's reasonable
and her stuff is very kind. She's a very kind person
telling her friend she loves her and everything.
- This is beautiful. "I throw my hands up
in the air sometimes." They're just having a good time.
- These are my favorite kind of drunk texts that I get
from people are the loving ones. It's nice that they remind you
that they love you, 'cause you don't hear it that often
even if they're a little under the influence.
It's still nice to hear.
- "Hey, can you pcik me up? I'm too drnuk.
You don't have to anymore. I'm home now."
- "Yes, I was aware of that after dropping you off at home."
Oh my God, that's amazing.
- Oh my God. I've got one of those before, too.
"Okay, I'm home now." I'm like, "Yeah, bro.
I literally drove you."
- At least they got home safely. That's the most important thing
when you hear that your friends are drinking is,
are you getting home safe and do you need a ride?
That's immediately what I go to.
- Ah dude, you ever get so [bleep] faced that you text
the person to pick you up to not pick you up any more
but the person that you asked to pick you up picked you up
and they dropped you off at home?
Yeah, I wanna get to that level some day.
- When you can't remember things, I think maybe
you've gone a little too far, especially if that just happened.
I've been in that situation where I have to bring
some people home, so at least they're home.
That's what matters.
- "Are you home? No, at Brewskies."
- "How drunk are you because you just answered
yourself." Oh my God.
That's a very drunk person.
- You have to be really drunk to answer your own text message.
I'd probably die if I got one of those messages
from someone else.
- I wanna get to that level where I start seeing
my own text and think, "Hey, somebody texted me."
And I reply.
- The funny thing is, I've done this sober before,
so I definitely feel like this isn't just a drunken mistake.
- My friends have done this a lot of times,
so I believe this. I've had friends who were
texting me, "Help. I need help going home."
And I'm like, "Dude, I'm right next to you."
- "I lobe you so much sweetie. Tina says hi.
We're at the Olvie Garden. 2-4-1 chardonnay."
"Mom, drink some water, mom."
"I'm so happy I decided to keep you."
She's so upset. She said, "Me too."
- Oh, [bleep]. Bro, that's some dark stuff
right there.
- Who just says that to their kid?
Ah God, I'm so triggered.
- I wonder if their kid just brought up even more questions
afterwards like, "So do you remember what you said
last night at Olive Garden?"
- It's honestly all you can say to your mom.
Thanks mom. Thanks.
- This is a valley mom texting you after a wild night
of karaoke and this is-- all these texts are
just a yikes. Drink some water, man.
Drink some tea.
- "I love alcohol. I regret everything."
- Usually, nights can end up like that.
- That is getting drunk summed up in a post.
- I feel like that's a lot of people's relationships
with alcohol is just loving the feeling
but oh my God, I have a hangover the next day.
- I've heard of people getting drunk regrets,
but it's okay. It's a fun night, I'm sure.
- I see this on Twitter or Facebook after every Saturday.
"I'm never drinking again." Guys, the lesson of this
whole episode is don't be stupid and be responsible.
FBE promotes good habits over here.
- (FBE) What'd you think about these overall?
- They weren't as cringey as I thought they were gonna be.
It kinda just makes me want to hang around more drunk people
because I think they're so funny.
- I like them. They're relatable.
- What's important is they're safe,
so as long as you know they're safe,
let them have a good time.
- Thanks for watching this episode on the React Channel.
- We have new shows every day, so subscribe.
- Hit that like button if you like this episode.
- What did you think of these text messages?
Let us know in the comments.
- Bye, guys.
- Hey guys, I'm Katie, a React Channel producer.
Thank you so much for watching this episode.
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