WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING TODAY,
THAT IS EVERY PERSON'S ISSUE.
IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, YOU HAVE ALL,
WE HAVE ALL EXPERIENCED REJECTION IN OUR LIFE.
AND SO, THAT'S SOMETHING THAT WE WANNA TALK ABOUT.
WE WANNA ENCOURAGE PEOPLE, WE WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW
TO REJECT THE PAIN THAT REJECTION WANTS TO BRING
IN OUR LIVES.
SO, LET ME JUST START.
HOW WOULD YOU GUYS DESCRIBE-- ANYBODY, HOW WOULD YOU
DESCRIBE WHAT REJECTION DOES IN YOUR HEART?
LIKE, WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE?
WHAT DOES IT DO TO YOU?
BECAUSE THE IMPLICATIONS OF IT ARE HUGE.
JAI: YEAH, WELL, I CAN START BY SAYING WHAT
IT FELT LIKE TO ME RECENTLY, WAS--TO MY HEART--THIS IS
HOW I DESCRIBED IT.
I JUST RECENTLY, WENT THROUGH A DIVORCE AND WHAT I TOLD--
'CUZ SOMEONE'S, "HOW DO YOU FEEL?"
WELL, I WAS LIKE, "WELL, IT FEELS LIKE
HE LITERALLY CUT MY CHEST OPEN, GRABBED MY HEART,
AND SCRAPED IT AGAINST BURNING ASPHALT, AND THEN,
TRIED TO PUT IT BACK INSIDE." LIKE, SERIOUSLY,
THAT'S THE PAIN THAT, THAT REJECTION FELT LIKE FOR ME.
BECAUSE IT WAS SO UNEXPECTED AND SO VERY PAINFUL.
SO, THAT WAS A LITTLE GRAPHIC, BUT THAT'S HOW I FELT.
GINGER: I GET IT, BECAUSE IT CAN BE THAT
EMOTIONAL AND A PHYSICAL PAIN, AS WELL.
I MEAN, IT'LL JUST WRECK YOUR WHOLE BODY.
JAI: YEAH, IT JUST--I COULD PHYSICALLY FEEL PAIN.
JOYCE: WELL, GOD HAS CREATED US FOR ACCEPTANCE.
I MEAN, THAT'S OUR GODLY DNA, WE ALL WANT TO BE ACCEPTED.
AND SO, WHEN YOU'RE NOT ACCEPTED, IT'S ALWAYS PAINFUL.
AND UNLESS YOU REALLY LEARN WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST,
WHICH WE'LL TALK ABOUT TODAY, YOU BEGIN TO DO WHATEVER
YOU THINK YOU NEED TO DO TO BE ACCEPTED.
WHICH IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL, YOU END UP WITH EVERYBODY
ELSE RUNNING YOUR LIFE AND YOU HAVING NO LIFE,
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY OF YOUR OWN DECISIONS,
YOU'RE DOING WHATEVER YOU THINK THEY WANT YOU TO DO,
SO THEY WILL LIKE YOU AND BE PLEASED WITH YOU.
GINGER: THIS DRIVE TO AVOID REJECTION IS HUGE,
IT IS POWERFUL.
LIKE, MOST OF US WILL DO ANYTHING TO AVOID REJECTION.
DON'T YOU THINK, CHRIS?
HAVE YOU HAD THAT EXPERIENCE IN YOUR LIFE?
CHRIS: OH, LISTEN.
I THINK REJECTION IS WHAT I WOULD CALL MY ACHILLES HEEL.
AND I THINK, YOU KNOW, RIGHT-- THE FACT, HOW I THINK,
HOW I WAS CONCEIVED.
THE FACT THAT I WAS LEFT IN A HOSPITAL UNNAMED
AND UNWANTED WHEN I WAS BORN, THERE WAS THAT REJECTION.
AND I'M 55, THIS YEAR, AND JUST--
I RECENTLY, YOU KNOW, GOD HAS DONE SUCH A GREAT
HEALING WORK IN MY LIFE.
BUT A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, I EXPERIENCED THIS BETRAYAL
FROM A FRIEND THAT I JUST WASN'T--YOU KNOW, DAVID--
I WAS THINKING IS JOYCE, WHEN WE WERE TELLING
THIS STORY YESTERDAY.
THE PSALMIST SAID, "IT WOULD HAVE BEEN
OKAY IF IT WAS MY ENEMY, THAT WAS AGAINST ME.
BUT WHEN IT WAS MY FRIEND THAT I WENT TO THE HOUSE
OF THE LORD WITH--" AND THAT PSALM HAS GIVEN
ME GREAT SOLACE BECAUSE OTHERWISE, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT,
"WHY DID IT IMPACT ME?" BUT IT'S ALMOST
LIKE IT TRIGGERED, SUCH A DEEP LEVEL
OF REJECTION AGAIN, GOING, "I THOUGHT I'VE WORKED
THROUGH A LOT OF THIS," AND I HAVE, AND I KNEW
TO GO TO THE WORD BUT THAT VISCERAL PAIN--
THERE WAS THIS ONE NIGHT THAT I FELT LIKE THIS
VISCERAL PAIN AND THEN, IN THAT MOMENT, THE HOLY SPIRIT
WAS LIKE, "CHRISTINE, I'M HEALING AN EVEN
DEEPER LEVEL," FROM RIGHT WHEN I WAS IN MY
MOTHER'S WOMB, AND OBVIOUSLY, CONCEIVED, YOU KNOW, HOWEVER--
GOD MEANT IT TO HAPPEN, BUT IT WASN'T PLANNED
IN OBVIOUSLY, MY BIOLOGICAL MOTHER AND FATHER'S PLAN.
AND SO, THE THING IS, THAT REJECTION IS LIKE
AN ACHILLES HEEL.
SO, YOU CAN HAVE VISCERAL REACTIONS.
AND I THINK, IF I HADN'T LEARNED--
AND AGAIN, I'M GONNA SAY, YOUR TEACHING, PROBABLY,
HAS DONE MORE IN MY LIFE TO BRING HEALING,
THE ROOT OF REJECTION.
LIKE, IF I READ THAT A HUNDRED TIMES,
I'M PROBABLY NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING,
BECAUSE I HAVE HAD TO REVISIT IT AND REVISIT IT.
BECAUSE IF THE ENEMY COULD HAVE SHORT-CIRCUITED
MY PURPOSE IN ANY WAY, OVER THESE LAST 30 YEARS,
IT WOULD BE OVER THAT ISSUE.
GINGER: WELL, LET'S START THERE.
SO, WE'RE GONNA START WITH A QUICK CLIP FROM JOYCE,
TALKING ABOUT THIS REJECTION AND THE ROOT OF IT,
AND WHAT IT DOES IN OUR LIVES.
AND THEN, WE'LL ALL COME BACK AND TALK ABOUT IT A LOT MORE.
TAKE A LISTEN.
JOYCE: WHEN YOU ARE A REJECTION-BASED PERSON
OR YOU'RE AFRAID OF REJECTION, IF EVERYBODY DOESN'T AGREE
WITH YOU, YOU FEEL REJECTED.
AND SO, IF DAVE AND I WERE TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION,
IF HE DIDN'T AGREE WITH ME, THEN I DIDN'T KNOW HOW
TO SEPARATE WHO I WAS FROM MY OPINION.
AND SO, I HAD TO LEARN THAT JUST BECAUSE HE DISAGREED
WITH MY OPINION DIDN'T MEAN HE WAS REJECTING ME.
HE COULD REJECT MY OPINION AND STILL LOVE ME.
AND THAT WAS SUCH A MAJOR THING TO ME.
SO, MAYBE YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT.
IF YOU CAN'T SEEM TO TALK TO PEOPLE OR A CERTAIN PERSON
WITHOUT BLOWING UP IN ANGER ALL THE TIME, THEN ASK GOD TO HELP
YOU GET TO THE ROOT OF IT.
AND MAYBE ASK GOD, "DO I HAVE A--" YOU KNOW,
"HOW DO I FEEL WHEN SOMEBODY DISAGREES WITH ME?
DO I FEEL INSULTED?
DO I FEEL LIKE THEY THINK I'M STUPID?
DO I FEEL LIKE THEY DON'T RESPECT ME?
DO I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING REJECTED?"
AND LEARN HOW TO BE A PERSON IN CHRIST WHO IS LOVED
AND VALUED, AND SEPARATE THAT FROM WHAT YOU THINK AND WHAT YOU
DO AND ALL THOSE OTHER MORE EXTERIOR THINGS.
DOES ANYBODY IN THE BUILDING THINK THAT MAYBE YOU'RE STILL
DEALING WITH A LITTLE ROOT OF REJECTION IN YOUR LIFE?
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
JOYCE: THAT WAS A LOT OF PEOPLE, BUT YOU KNOW, IF YOU
STICK AROUND, WE'LL HAVE SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
JOYCE: ROOTS.
WHERE THERE'S ROTTEN FRUIT, THERE'S A ROTTEN ROOT
SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE.
AND SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO GO BEFORE THE LORD AND SAY,
"I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO COMPLETELY TEAR
MY LIFE APART, I WANT TO GET TO THE BOTTOM,
TO THE ROOT OF WHY I'M ANGRY, WHY I GET SO ANGRY.
WHY DO I GET MAD EVERY TIME I DON'T GET MY WAY?
WHY ARE MY EMOTIONS OUT OF CONTROL?
WHY DO I WASTE SO MANY DAYS IN SELF-PITY?"
AMEN?
GINGER: SO, EVERYONE IS SAYING, "OH, I DON'T WANT
TO DO THAT.
I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE.
WHY DID SHE SAY THAT?" BUT YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
I MEAN, IF WE DON'T ALLOW THE PAIN OF DREDGING
SOME THINGS UP, THEN THE FRUIT IS GOING
TO KEEP COMING OUT THE WAY WE DON'T WANT IT TO.
JOYCE: I ASKED THE LORD, ONE TIME, WHY IT HURTS
SO BAD TO GET WELL.
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE IT'S LIKE, YOU GET HURT, GETTING ALL
MESSED UP.
AND SO, WHY IS IT WHEN YOU WANT TO GET WELL,
THAT IT HURTS SO BAD?
AND HE TAUGHT ME, WHAT HE CALLED DOORWAYS OF PAIN.
YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN MY FATHER ABUSED ME,
I WENT THROUGH A DOORWAY OF PAIN,
SO I GOT A LITTLE DEEPER INTO BONDAGE.
WHEN MY MOTHER DIDN'T HELP ME, WHEN SHE ABANDONED ME THEN
THAT WAS LIKE ANOTHER DOORWAY OF PAIN.
AND SO, YOU HAVE TO CONFRONT EACH ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
YOU KNOW, WHETHER, IT'S YOU JUST CONFRONTING
IT IN YOUR MIND WITH YOU AND GOD OR--
BUT USUALLY, IN ORDER TO GET US TO CONFRONT THINGS,
GOD WILL HAVE TO, LOVINGLY, PUT TOGETHER A SITUATION...
GINGER: OH, NO.
JOYCE: LIKE YOU HAD THIS SITUATION.
THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THERE THAT GOD WANTED TO COME
OUT THAT WOULD EVENTUALLY, MAKE YOU FREER.
CHRIS: RIGHT, IT WOULD KILL ME IN THE PROCESS.
[LADIES LAUGHING]
JOYCE: YOU KNOW, I SAID, ONE TIME, SOMETHING--
I WAS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING WITH DAVE WHEN I WAS
TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO BE A "SUBMISSIVE WIFE."
LADIES: AIR QUOTES.
[LADIES LAUGHING]
JOYCE: I HAVE SO LEARNED THAT NOW.
BUT I SAID, "OH, GOD THIS IS KILLING ME."
AND HE SAID, "THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT."
YOU KNOW, WE'RE--WE ARE SUPPOSED TO DIE TO SELF.
BUT GOD'S GOT THIS LITTLE TOOLBOX THAT HE USES,
AND IT IS ALL IN LOVE.
IT'S ULTIMATELY TO SET US FREE.
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU CAN GET OVER PAIN WITHOUT GOING
THROUGH SOME PAIN TO CONFRONT IT AND A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T
UNDERSTAND THAT.