You've probably heard this word come up. Paradigm. What is a paradigm shift? Let's
get into that today. In the presentations and trainings that I give, sometimes I'll
ask that question. What is a paradigm?And some people get all smart alecky and
they say, "Well, it's 20 cents." No. Not a pair of Dimes. A paradigm is the way that
you see things. Think about a pair of eyeglasses for example. When you put on a
pair of eyeglasses, everything that you see is altered or changed by the lenses
that you're wearing. What if I were to give you a pair of eyeglasses where the
lenses were tinted green. What would the world look like to you? It would be very
green, wouldn't it? You're living in the Emerald City. Your lawn looks awesome,
your spouse not so much. Is the world actually green? No, it just looks green to
you because of the lenses that you're wearing. What if we swap those out for
the proverbial rose-colored glasses? Now everything looks rosy. Did the world
change? No. The world is pretty constant but your view of it can change
drastically depending on the lenses through which you're looking at it. This
is a good analogy for paradigm. Paradigm is the way we see things. And it affects
everything. As a professional psychologist, I've come to the conclusion
that there are basically 2 paradigms out there. 2 determinants distinctive
paradigms through the lenses. Through which we can see our world, ourselves, our
relationships. Everything. And these 2 paradigms boil down to what I call the
victim paradigm or noxious negativity. On the one side and
agent paradigm or pathological positivity. We've got the victim, the
agent. Negative, positive. Pessimist, optimist. And there's different versions
of this obviously or different levels of it. But let's look at what those 2
paradigms look like. On the negative victim side, this is a paradigm of blame.
"It's not my fault." Then you try to find that favorite target of blame and
there's some common ones out there. I hear people all the time blaming the
government. Blaming the economy, blaming the society or the institution. Blaming
their parents, blaming that nasty evil person who abused them when they were
young. See, there's always this pointing over there as opposed to the agent
paradigm. Over here instead of blame, we have responsibility. In my book
Pathological Positivity, I broke that into 2 words. Response Ability. Because
it's our ability to respond to something. It's not about blaming myself. It's about
seeing what my part is. I've done this more times than I care to admit. And
maybe you've done it too where you're out driving and you get lost in your
thoughts you're listening to a podcast or on a call or whatever and you get
lost in your thoughts and you go right past your exit. Have you done this too? I've
done this twice. I almost hate to admit this. At the same place where I was going
to see a client that lives in southern Utah. And as I'm driving along the
freeway I know that I have missed my exit. When I see that big colorful sign
"Arizona Welcomes You."
"This isn't where I wanted to be." This isn't what I had in mind.
Arizona's an amazing place. It's just not what I had in mind at that time. How
often do we find ourselves there in life? Where we're looking around and it's like,
"This is not what I had planned. Not what I wanted. Not what I had in mind." And then
I looked down and guess whose hands I see on my steering wheel? That bites a
little. It honestly it stings just a little bit to realize, "Oh, I'm here
because I drove here." That's responsibility because the bad
news is also the good news. When I see my hands on the wheel, what can I do next?
Steer it, turn it, take it somewhere I want to go. The victims can't do that.
They're too busy blaming someone or something else for where they are. And
their hands aren't on the wheel so they don't get to change anything. Do you see
the power of that paradigm shift? From the victim-blaming to the agent
responsibility. Here's another example. "Why me?" Usually in a whinny voice. We
call these whiners or why babies. Because they're constantly focusing on "Why me?
Why this? Why now? I'm a good person, why me?" As opposed to ,"Why not me?" It's just as
legitimate a question. But victims never ask that. They're too busy focusing on
"Why me?" And you know doing the whole victim thing. Why not me? Check this out.
What kind of people get into car accidents?
Right. The lazy, neglectful, distracted, drunk people. Right? Sure. And who are they
going to hit? You, me, anybody out there on the street. Here's the answer. The kind of
people who get into car accidents are the kind of people that get into cars.
Why not you? See that changes things. It doesn't change the fact that the car
accident occurred. What it changes is your position about that. Because if
you're busy saying "Why me?" Then you're in victim mode. If you're if you're saying,
"Why not me?" Then you're in a position of power. You
got your hands on the wheel. We can take this somewhere. We can do something with
it. Here's another one. "I can't." Usually there's an exclamation point on that. I
can't. And here's 15 reasons why I can't. As opposed to "I can." And then ask an
important question. "How can I?" It's like a toggle switch on the brain. A big old
power switch. On/off. When you say "I can't", what position is your switch? Off. Shutter
down. There's nowhere to go after saying "I can't."
Maybe fetal position in the corner? I don't know. What if you say, "How can I?"
What position is your switch? Totally on. And you can always do something with
that. There's other examples. What I want you to see here is that paradigm
determines your behavior. It will lead you to whatever action you take next.
Whether it's curling up in the corner in fetal position as a victim or getting
your hand squarely on that wheel so you can steer this thing somewhere that you
want it to go. You've got some power here and you establish that power through the
paradigm. What does a paradigm shift? A paradigm shift is when you move from
this side to this side. I guess it could be the other way. But
why would you ever want to do that? When you see that it's a choice, you can
choose it. Until you see it as a choice, it's not. And you will get trained or
trapped into whatever you've been taught and educated to do. Whatever your
programming is. Seeing it puts you in a position of power where you can make
that shift. And that's where our hands are on the wheel and we can really get
some good stuff done. I love talking about paradigm. You notice that I have my
Nova principle shirt on today. I serve on the board of directors for program
called Nova principles where we teach these principles to kids in the schools.
This is an exciting thing to be involved with. And you can check it out more at
Novaprincipals.com. I'm so grateful to Nova principals foundation for
supporting this episode of Live On Purpose TV. I'll see you tomorrow.