[ Indistinct whispering ]
-Remember the Lego thing? -Yeah.
-I made it right now and it was the first one.
[ Whispering indistinctly ]
-Oh, you did? -Yeah.
-That's so cool. Alright, good. I'll be right out.
♪♪
Hello, everybody, and welcome to another edition of
"The Tonight Sbow" starring Jimmy Fallon, at-home edition.
Thank you very much for tuning in.
This is week four, everybody, and it feels like week four.
But this is it, guys.
This is -- We're at the top.
We're at the top of the hill.
We're almost at the top, so we've got to keep going,
keep pushing each other, keep supporting each other.
We got this. We got this, alright?
Let's get through this week.
Monday's basically already done.
So now we got Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
Four more days. We're already in. We're in.
So we're going to have a big show, a fun show tonight.
The one and only Lady Gaga
will be our guest on the show tonight.
And she is spearheading the WHO Global Citizen's special
"One World Together at Home."
This is her website here.
Global citizens.
Globalcitizen.org /togetherathome.
She's going to talk about that giant event, April 18th.
I am co-hosting it with Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert.
I'm very excited about it. A lot of big names.
And then she has a little surprise coming up
later in the show that should be very fun.
Also my other guest is Andy Cohen, who we love,
from "Watch What Happens Live."
He's doing it from home as well.
And he's recovering at home.
He got coronavirus probably three weeks ago.
And he's going to tell us about what he went through
and how he's feeling.
And his charity is bethennyscause.org.
Bethenny Frankel's charity,
which is doing amazing stuff for disaster relief.
She is doing some cool, some cool, cool stuff.
And then we're going to finish the show
with Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day
doing a cover of Tommy James and the Shondells'
"I Think We're Alone Now."
It's going to be a great show.
But first here's the monologue.
♪♪
Become to "Tonight Show At-Home Edition."
Guys, it is now week four of being in quarantine.
That's right. I've spent four weeks building stuff,
doing chores, and teaching my own kids.
I feel like I'm one solid beard away from being Amish.
Well, earlier tonight ABC aired two hours of "Family Feud."
I got to be honest. After four weeks in quarantine,
I think we're all set on family feuds.
Some business news -- Ben & Jerry's has introduced
a new flavor called Chip Happens.
Although I think right now a more helpful flavor
would have been Stay the Fudge Home!
I betcha Jerry's laughing.
I don't know about Ben. He's a harder nut to crack.
The White House is warning Americans to avoid
the grocery store or pharmacy over the next two weeks.
Right now my idea to keep two weeks of Xanax smoothies
in the freezer is looking pretty good.
There are still over a dozen cruise ships circling
around the sea because they have no place to dock.
I feel bad for everyone, but mostly the cruise ship comic
who's on day 20 of "So anyone else from out of town?
Not you again, Darrell. We already talked."
Michael Jackson's famous white glove
was auctioned off for $100,000.
The buyer was like, "Great, I just need one more
and I can go to the grocery store."
A new trend during the pandemic is a lot of people
are now having their wedding ceremonies over Zoom.
New couples say they'll never forget the moment
when the priest said, "You may now...the bride."
Meanwhile, a couple in Michigan got married,
and they filled the church pews
with cardboard cutouts of people.
It was all fun until the priest asked
if there were any objections
and one of the cutouts raised its hand.
A county in Florida is reminding residents to remain --
to maintain a distance of at least one large alligator
between each other.
That's right. A county in Florida is reminding residents
to maintain a distance of at least one large alligator
between each other.
While in L.A., they're asking people to keep a distance of
at least three Kevin Harts.
And finally, today New York City closed all its dog parks,
which should explain why your neighbor
is now holding his dog's butt out the window.
There you go, everybody. That is my monologue.