*"Pearl Jam - World Wide Suicide" playing*
The Lannister army is leaving Highgarden after looting Olenna Tyrell retirement funds
Jaime pays Bronn
He quickly deposits the money into his horse
The Iron Bank wanker is like: "Have I told you how much I like money?"
"I love money!"
"When you pay me back, I'll give you more money!"
Littlefinger gives Bran-o a Game of Thrones collectible as a present
He tries to become friends but Bran keeps telling everyone he knows their secrets
It freaks them out big time
Meera is like: "I'm leaving now, do you even care?"
"Remember that time my brother died for you? That was funny"
"Nah?"
Nah, nothing
Zero fucks given
Arya is being rejected from Winterfell
This scene is like watching me trying to get into a nightclub
Sansa finds her in the basement
gives her a hug
and tells her Bran is home too
Arya is like: "Holy shit, that's awesome! How is he?"
"Yeah!"
"Great!"
"Great"
"Yeah"
"Yeah, yep!"
He immediately tells Arya that he's been watching her
She's like: "What do you mean?"
He replies: "It's this new bloody hobby"
"Yeah, this is what he's like now"
Arya thinks about going back to Braavos
Oh, he also asks her to sign his Game of Thrones collectible
Dany wants to know how the fuck Wormsy can have sex without a cock
I don't know how long Jon-o was standing there listening
Anyway, he's been on an archaeological dig
He shows off Dragon glass, and takes Dany to a local art gallery
"I found proof of the army of the Dead"
BAM
That is as good as a peer-reviewed journal from the Citadel
But she's like: "Mmh, I dunno"
"I think Davos has stolen Greyworm's crayons"
Jon-o is like: "Just fucking help us"
Varys looks at his feet while Tyrion tells Dany all their plans have gone to shit
She gets pretty angry
Arya shows Brienne all of her cool moves
Brienne is thinking: "Crikey! Where did she learn such cool moves?!"
Podrick bloody loves it
Davos asks Missandei if she wants to come to the pub
Jon-o says: "Where not going to the pub"
She talks about how great it is to work for Daenerys
Theon shows up on the beach and Jon-o says: "I don't like you. I don't like you"
Randyll tells Jaime all the gold has made it to King's Landing
He asks if he can bash up the dawdling soldiers so they move faster
"That's a little old-school Randy"
Two minutes later, the Dothraki come charging over the hill
"Should have let Randy bash up the dawdlers"
Ah you see, now you gotta deal with a dragon, Jaime
Dany yells:
"BARBECUE!"
And the dawdlers get absolutely roasted
Fuck
I will never dawdle again
Unmanned horses are like: "Screw this shit, we're going home"
The Dothrakis start doing their cool moves
Aw!
Fuck
This is bullshit
You can't even call this a fight
There's a shit idea that's gonna do fuck-all
This is me
I would be one of these guys
That's probably Ed Sheeran
More cool moves
AH, Jaime does a cool move
They managed to kill one guy
And this bit here is a good video for FailArmy
Bronn has to leave his precious gold behind
Here's another fail
Bronn gets to the big fuck-off crossbow
He says: "LET ME SHOW YOU ITS FEATURES"
BAM!
The Dothraki are getting cocky
Tyrion is conflicted
Bronn fires off another shot
AND DROGON TAKES AN ARROW TO THE SHOULDER
DANY HASN'T INSTALLED A SEAT BELT
FUCKING DIVE BRONN
DROGON WANTS REVENGE
He's okay, I reckon he's okay
Jaime charges at Dany
He's thinking: "I kill your dad, I can kill you too!"
Drogon says: "NAH MATE"
"YOU'RE GONNA GET FUCKING TOASTED"
OHHHHH!
There's a big save from Bronn!
Jaime's gold hand and armour is making him sink
He's like: "I thought this was a puddle"
"It's turned into a fucking ocean"
"What a shit day, this has been a shit day"
*"Ed Sheeran - Masters of War" playing*
I hate war
This episode makes me hate war, more than I already do
I'm not good at picking sides
Especially when I take the time to consider what it's like walking in someone else's shoes
This battle sequence was amazing because I personally found it tough to pick a side
I mean, let's break down the two major party candidates here
On the one hand, we have a sheila in power who took the throne for herself
She schemed and plotted the death of her husband
She wanted her illegitimate kid to be king
It starts to go downhill for her, but she has kept taking everything she could during the chaos
Cersei is despicable, but I like her journey
And I can see where it comes from
She was unloved, ridiculed by Rob-o
Although it's gross her kids were born of incest
She's lost all three of them
That's gonna fuck with anyone
And when it comes to religion and government getting too involved with each other
I can't say that I disagree with her that it's done for gods to dictate politics
On the other hand, we have a sheila who comes from a family of conquerors
They always had dragons
So could say: "Don't argue, bend the knee, we have the power"
We totally understand why the Mad King needed to be killed and the Targaryens needed to quit being in charged
Jaime has told us how terrible it was
"Tell me, if your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and stand by while thousands of men, women, and children burned alive, would you have done it?"
But, Dany does have a softer side
She was unloved and ridiculed by her brother
She fought for slaves when no one else would
I do like her journey as well
We just, you know, I think at the core here
We have a family who took power
versus a family who feels entitled to have it
So I dunno, I dunno if I could vote for either of these women
If I lived in Westeros
Actually, that's probably precisely the point
The people don't even get a vote
It gets me fired up
Crikey!
It was a great episode
I mentioned last week I was super duper intrigued as to how the Lannisters would treat each other after Olenna confessed to killing Joffrey
Even without Jaime and Cersei telling Tyrion they know he didn't do it
He's still having trouble fighting against his family
Obviously Jaime is gonna get out of this, and he will hopefully tell Cersei
And yeah, imagine if they reach out with some level of regret or forgiveness
for how he was treated
That might be far-fetched
Either way, it's only gonna get harder for him
Peter Dinklage didn't need a lot of screentime here
But boi oh boi, these shots of him are very emotional
Outside of the final ten minutes, I'd say my other favourite scenes
were the Arya and Sansa reunion
I'm glad Arya warmed up to her throughout the scene
The sparring match with Brienne
The sharing of advice between Jon-o and Dany was top notch
And it was a great episode for Bronn
It's been nice to have some space from him for a while
It's made his character stronger again
This episode is called "The Spoils of War"
And the title is taking the piss out of itself
Is there any such thing as the spoils of war?
You can get your spoils, and then you can lose them straight away
When you are on the side that gets the spoils
It means another side has lost out
For young Dickon, that wasn't easy to witness
There's a lot of people reuniting in this episode
They've had some form of victory that brought them back together
but they're not that happy
Can there be any winners?
Are there any spoils?
Or is Westeros doomed to go round and round in circles and neglecting history, and only having more of the same in power, over and over again?
[Outro Music - "Ed Sheeran - Masters of War"]