>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO "RETURN TO NEW ZEALAND: A MAGICAL LAND WHERE
HUGS STILL HAPPEN."
IT'S TIME TO TAKE A LOOK BEHIND THE SCENES AT ONE OF MY FAVORITE
THINGS I GOT TO DO IN NEW ZEALAND-- OR IN MY LIFE, IN
GENERAL.
IF YOU'VE HEARD ME TALK FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES, YOU PROBABLY
KNOW THAT I AM ONE OF THE BIGGEST FANS OF "THE LORD OF THE
RINGS" THAT YOU EVER WISHED YOU HAD NOT ASKED ABOUT IT.
AND NEW ZEALAND IS WHERE ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING WRITER AND
DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON FILMED ALL OF THE MOVIES.
BECAUSE I'M SUCH A FAN, JACKSON ACTUALLY CAST ME IN "THE HOBBIT:
THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG" AS THE CHARACTER LAKETOWN SPY.
IT WAS THE LEAD ROLE OF THE FILM'S... SIX SECONDS IN THE
MIDDLE.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT MY FULL PERFORMANCE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: SHORT, BUT
IMPACTFUL.
IN FACT, THAT MOVIE CAME OUT SEVEN YEARS AGO, AND TO THIS
DAY, PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AND SAY, "HEY, AREN'T YOU STEPHEN
COLBERT?" BUT I ALWAYS FELT THERE WAS MORE
TO MY CHARACTER.
I MEAN, IF PETER JACKSON COULD TURN "THE HOBBIT" INTO THREE
MOVIES, I FIGURED THE LAKETOWN SPY HAD TO HAVE ENOUGH INTRIGUE
AND BACKSTORY TO WARRANT AT LEAST NINE OF HIS OWN.
SO, WHILE I WAS DOWN IN NEW ZEALAND, I CALLED UP P.J. AND
PITCHED HIM THE IDEA OF DIRECTING A SPIN-OFF BASED ON MY
CHARACTER.
HE SAID ONE WORD: "ABSOLUTELY."
AND THEN A SECOND WORD: "NOT."
BUT HE DID AGREE TO LET US USE A BUNCH OF HIS SETS AND PROPS SO
WE COULD FILM OUR OWN TRAILER, AND HE EVEN AGREED TO BE IN IT.
SO JOIN ME NOW FOR AN EXCLUSIVE NEVER-BEFORE-BROADCAST
BEHIND-THE-SCENES JOURNEY INTO MY DAY FILMING IN HOBBITON WITH
PETER JACKSON.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THE VILLAGE OF
HOBBITON THAT THEY HAVE CREATED IS A PERFECT DEPICTION OF THE
SHIRE.
I NEVER WANTED TO LEAVE.
I CANNOT TELL YOU FROM WHNESS I CAME OR WHAT MY ERRAND MAY BE.
KNOW ONLY THIS: I AM CALLED THE LAKETOWN SPY.
HE IS A SPY MASTER, SO, OBVIOUSLY WITH THE WAY HE LOOKS
IN THE LAKETOWN SPY GETUP CAN'T BE WHO HE REALLY IS.
WHO WOULD HE BE?
WHAT WOULD MAKE SENSE?
LOOK AT ME.
HOW YOU WOULD TYPECAST ME?
AND I THOUGHT PROBABLY ARGON'S BROTHER, GARL GORN.
THIS IS HIM.
THIS IS HIM, RIGHT?
I AM HALF ELF, DARRYLGORN IS HALF ELF.
WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT.
THIS IS BEHIND THE MUSIC OF DARRYLGORN.
I WAS WEARING ARAGORN'S DOUBLE'S OUTFIT, THE GUY WHO WAS THE
STUNT DOUBLE, AND IT KIND OF FIT.
AND THE BEARD.
A BETTER BEARD THAN I COULD EVER GROW.
AND I LOOKED, GOOD, MAN.
I THINK I LOOKED A LITTLE BIT LIKE IAN ANDERSON FROM JETHRO
TULL.
♪ AQUALUNG, MY FRIEND.
DON'T YOU START AWAY UNEASY ♪ >> Stephen: AND THAT
UNBELIEVABLE, UNBELIEVABLE.
KIND OF SEXY, RIGHT?
ITS OKAY, YOU'RE NOT ON CAMERA.
YOU CAN LET IT LOOSE.
TOTALLY SEXY.
IT'S ME!
I AM... DARRYL DORN.
MY MANSERVANT WAS A CHARACTER NAMED "GRATUITOUS OF CAMEO,"
COME, LET US GO, GRATUITOUS.
>> I'M COMING!
>> Stephen: IN EVERY "LORD OF THE RINGS" MOVIE THERE IS A
GRATUITOUS CAMEO PLAYED BY PETER JACKSON
AND OUR MOVIES HAD TO BE AS GREAT AS HIS MOVIES.
I THINK THE KEY TO THE CHARACTER GRATUITOUS IS THAT HE DOESN'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT "LORD OF THE RINGS."
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE OR WHAT THEY ARE DOING, AND I
LOVE THE IDEA THAT PETER JACKSON DOES NOT TAKE HIS CREATION AS
SERIOUSLY AS HIS FANS DO.
>> LET US JOURNEY ON TO THE LAND KNOWN AS HOGWARTS, WHERE WE CAN
BE SORTED BY THE MAGIC HAT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S "HARRY POTTER."
>> QUIDDITCH, THAT'S MIDDLE EARTH.
SNOW.
NOTHING MADE ME HAPPIER THAN TO MAKE P.J. NOT KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT "LORD OF THE RINGS."
>> CONCENTRATE, YOUNG PADAWAN, USE THE FORCE.
>> Stephen: COME ON, MAN, THAT IS "STARWARS"
>> THAT WEIRD GUY YODA, THAT IS GOLLUM'S FATHER.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?
I'M NOT SURE HOW SURREAL IT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR YOU FOLKS WHO
WERE DIRECTING PETER JACKSON ON THE SET OF HOBBITON.
>> ACTION!
>> Stephen: THAT MUST HAVE BEEN TRULY SHOCKING.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT TO GIVE PETER JACKSON A NOTE:
"NO, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SHOULD ACT ON THE SET OF HOBBITON."
HE CAME UP WITH GOOD BITS!
>> THERE ARE BOOKS?
( LAUGHTER )
>> THERE ARE BOOKS?
>> Stephen: THANKS TO PETER, WE HAD PEOPLE WORKING ON OUR SHOOT
WHO HAD WORKED ON THE FILM.
PROSTHETICS, MAKEUP, WARDROBE, PROPERTY.
THE DUMB THINGS WE WERE DOING WOULD ONLY WORK IF EVERYTHING
ELSE WAS TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL.
THAT WAS WHY IT WAS SO WONDERFULLY DUMB FOR ME, IS HOW
MUCH EFFORT HAD GONE IN TO MAKE IT BEAUTIFUL.
OH, A TEXT FOR ME!
NO BIGGIE.
JUST A MESSAGE FROM MY BESTY GANDALF, ASKING ME TO SAVE
MIDDLE EARTH AGAIN.
I WAS USING BY THE WAY-- THAT SWORD I AM USING IS
"GLAMDRING." THAT IS GANDALF'S SWORD FROM THE MOVIES.
THE ACTUAL DAMN SWORD THAT IAN McKELLAN WAS WHIPPING AROUND
IN THE MOVIES.
I WAS USING TO STAB TREE STUMPS.
>> AARRGHH!
TAKE THAT!
YAAARGGH!
>> Stephen: THERE SHOULD BE A LAW-- I SHOULD HAVE TRAFQ DARTED
IN THE NECK.
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
DID I MESS THE BATTLE?
WE ALSO TOOK DARRYLGORN AS LAKETOWN SPY UP INTO THE
MOUNTAINS AROUND QUEENSTOWN.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: RUNNING AS
DARRYLGORN UP A HILL TRYING TO RECREATE A SCENE WHERE WE COULD
INSERT IT INTO THE SCENE WHERE LEGOLAS AND ARAGORN AND GIMLI
ARE RUNNING ACROSS THE PLANES OF ROHAN.
HEY, GUYS!
I REALLY GOT A FEELING THE ADVENTURE IS DOWNHILL.
I HEAR DANGER THAT WAY.
I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF THIS PART OF THE MOUNTAIN.
YOU GUYS-- YOU GUYS GO ON.
I'M COOL.
I THINK THAT IS WHERE MY WATCH RECORDED-- MY WATCH GOING UP TO
ITS HIGHEST.
I AM NOT A HEALTHY MAN.
IF YOU HAVEN'T GONE FOR A RUN IN, LIKE, THREE YEARS, THAT IS
NOT THE FIRST RUN YOU WANT TO DO.
ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS-- AND ONE OF THE HAIRIER THINGS, TOO--
WAS TO FLY-- OH, YEAH-- TO THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN IN THE
SOUTHERN ALPS.
I'VE DONE A LOT OF STUPID THINGS IN MY LIFE, BUT DRESSING UP IN
THAT LAKETOWN SPY OUTFIT AND BEING LEFT ALONE ON TOP OF A
GLACIER ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WILDERLAND OF
THE SOUTH ISLAND IS MAYBE THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE.
AS A RESULT, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY FAVORITE THING WE DID DOWN
THERE, BECAUSE IT WAS HARD TO ACHIEVE, AND I THINK WE USED
FIVE SECONDS OF IT?
MAYBE FIVE SECONDS?
CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW EXPENSIVE THIS SHOT LOOKS?
MOVIE MAGIC.
HERE'S A TIP: DON'T WALK NEAR CLIFFS WITH ONLY ONE EYE.
THAT COULD BE 20 FEET AWAY.
THAT COULD BE 200 FEET AWAY.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> ACTION!
>> Stephen: SO, ANYWAYS, A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT... NOTHING
COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
( LAUGHTER )
AS A PERFORMER, THERE IS NOTHING I WANT MORE THAN TO TAKE
SOMEONE'S BEAUTIFUL WORK AND MAKE IT STUPID.
AND I SAID, "BOROMIR, I HARDLY KNOW HER."
IT'S A COMPLIMENT, THAT'S WORTH MAKING STUPID!
YOU LIKE THAT ONE?
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE GUY WHO MILKS THE ENT?
YOU GUYS SMELL LIKE PEPPERMINT.
>> THANK YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
TO BE INSERTED INTO "THE LORD OF THE RINGS," I HAVE PEAKED AS A
PERFORMER, AS A HUMAN, AS A TOLKIEN FAN, AS A PETER JACKSON
FAN.
IT IS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE.
OOPS, SORRY.
WHEN WE COME BACK, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN FOOTAGE FROM
MY INTERVIEW WITH PETER JACKSON, AS MY CELEBRATION OF NEW ZEALAND
CONTINUES.
♪ ♪ ♪