- Hey everybody, happy Thursday.
Now today's question is all about depression
and why it's so competitive.
But before we just into that, are you new to my channel?
Welcome, I am a licensed therapist,
talking about all things mental health.
And I release videos on Mondays and on Thursdyas
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and have those notifications turned on
so that you don't miss out.
But let's jump into today's question.
And it is, it's very short and to the point.
Katie, why is my depression so, so competitive?
Now I thought this was a wonderful question
because I know we've talked about eating disorders
and how those can be very competitive
but we haven't really talked about other mental illnesses
and if I'm being honest, I think that this has more
to do with us and not so much about the mental illness
that we may find ourselves struggling with.
And I say that because it's all about what
we tell ourselves about our mental illness,
meaning if we feel that we are our mental illness,
if we see someone else suffering from the very same thing,
we can feel like they're kind of encroaching
on our territory.
Or if we worry that we aren't really,
truly sick enough for help, or have tried to get
our parents or maybe someone else in our life
to take our struggles seriously, and they don't
and then we see someone else, who appears to be doing,
you know, quote unquote, worse than us,
we can be jealous or upset by that,
thinking that we should be that ill
or maybe if we were, then we would get the help
that we needed or be taken more seriously.
Does that make sense?
Just like everything in therapy,
the way we think about our mental illness
can run deeper than just trying to get help
or being taken seriously.
There's research to show that our attachment style
could be to blame for how we respond to others
with our same mental illness.
And if you don't remember, attachment styles have been
discussed since John Bowlby talked about
them in the late 1960's.
He believed attachment to be all or nothing,
meaning that we either have a healthy one, or we don't.
And research has gone on to show that there is
much more to attachment and we now conclude
that there are four main styles.
The style that they say could be to blame
for our mental illness being competitive
is the insecure ambivalent attachment style,
which is when children will be clingy and needy
of their caregiver but when the caregiver comes
to their aid, they're rejecting of them
and they're not easily soothed.
They believe that this is because we could have been
emotionally neglected as a child.
Therefore, we couldn't ever really trust
that someone would be there for us
or care for us in the way that we needed, when we needed it.
So not only are we more predisposed for anxiety,
depression, and self-injurious behavior
but we could also believe deep down that how we feel
isn't important or valid.
And this insecurity or feelings of inferiority
can lead us to being competitive with anyone
for fear of being left out or left behind
or just not paid attention to again,
almost like we're afraid that our childhood
could happen to us, all over again.
And because that could have been a really, really terrible
and shitty time for us, we'll do our best to ensure
that it never happens again.
And finally, I believe that our mental illness
can be so competitive because of how we talk to ourselves
about our struggles, and overall how we feel
about who we are.
If we are constantly saying nasty things to ourselves
about who we are and what we experience,
that can make us really nasty and judgemental
to those around us as well.
We can look at others going through something similar
and worry that maybe we're making it all up
because they do look more sick than we do.
Since we don't feel confident in who we are
and know that how we feel is valid,
regardless of anyone else's experience,
it can be hard to not compare and compete with others
who seem to be going through something similar.
Overall, there are many reasons that our mental illness
or in this case, depression could be so competitive,
wanting to be the sickest or the most deserving
of care and attention.
But all of those possible reasons seem to stem
from what we believe deep down about ourselves
and our worth.
So if you find yourself wanting to compete with others
who are also having a hard time,
please reach out for help and just start talking
more kindly to yourself, today.
Just start noticing what you say to yourself
about who you are and what you're experiencing.
Notice and then fight to make it more positive.
I challenge you to say at least one nice thing
about yourself by the end of today
and try to keep doing that for the rest of the week
because it can and will get better.
Thank you so much for watching
and I will see you next time, bye.