Welcome back, our boss, Conan O'Brien.
I didn't really think of myself as your boss.
Really?
No, I don't.
Come on.
I don't. I think of myself as, sort of,
like a emperor.
Oh.
Yup, yup, yup.
An all seeing, all knowing, omniscient
emperor, who sits on a high throne.
More like a God King.
Yeah, sure.
He gladly accepts the title.
(cheerful synth music)
Please welcome our God King,
(laughing)
Conan O'Brien to the podcast.
Being our boss, or God King,
you know, we want to make sure that Sonja and I
are doing our part to make you cool.
I didn't know that's what the objective was, but okay.
I think what Sona's really saying is:
I didn't think that was possible.
Well, with all of us combined I think we can,
we can make something happen.
We'll try.
I have a question for Sonja.
You've seen some of my Clueless Gamers.
Are you legitimately stunned at my lack of ability,
and knowledge in the gaming world?
I'm impressed. You've definitely involved yourself
in the gaming space. I feel like you're,
I feel like you're doing okay. You're on the right track.
All right, well, again, you're a very supportive person.
I appreciate that. So that is the encouragement I need.
That's exactly, and that's the encouragement
I don't get from Sona Movsesion.
Yep. Yeah.
Who's always putting me down,
and saying "you're an idiot".
Maybe if you behaved a little more like Sonja,
I would be more motivated. So just think about that.
Let's get started.
All right, so there was a big news item.
Keep you humble.
Sorry. Last word, last word, Sona, last word.
Keep you humble. Okay, okay yeah. Last word.
Keep you humble. Okay, go for it Bley.
All right. Be good.
Okay. So there was a, there, there was.
Humble.
Sonja.
Keep you humble.
Be like Sonja.
There, there was big-
One second. Be like Sonja to the 10th power.
Over and out.
That's ridiculous.
Let's go. Go ahead, Bley, quickly. We're moving on.
Sonja and I are very excited about this because one of the
best games of all time, "The Last of Us",
it is about the story of Joel,
who's kind of a smuggler in a post-apocalyptic world.
Oh, God.
Who is, he's. Uh oh.
Is it always post-apocalyptic?
Why is no one ever living in,
the year is 1998, things are pretty good,
there's some problems, but the economy's humming along,
and society moves forward?
No one ever does a video game set in that reality.
It has to be a post-apocalyptic landscape
where the rules are that there are no rules,
and everyone's fighting for survival.
Is that correct?
(laughing)
I feel like pre-apocalyptic
just doesn't have the same ring.
It doesn't have the same ring to it.
Well, okay, I know, but shouldn't someone at least try it?
A video game about-
Going to the grocery store?
Well, maybe that's just "Animal Crossing".
Getting your oil changed?
Yeah. I don't know.
I wish someone would create a game where
everything's okay on earth, and occasionally someone's like,
oh yeah, my salt levels are a little high,
my doctor says a little less salt in the diet,
little less cured meats, and keep my water intake up.
And that's about it.
Some high stakes.
Anyway, continue.
[Bley] So, "The Last of Us" takes place
in a post apocalypse where there's zombies.
Of course there were zombies.
I think there's a law that Congress passed,
like eight years ago, that you have to have zombies,
or you're not allowed to operate in the gaming,
or entertainment sphere.
That's, like, a law that was passed
because when are there not zombies?
What? Seriously?
Zombies are now showing up in movies.
I saw a production of "On The Waterfront" recently,
and it was with zombies. You know what I mean?
Death of a salesman. Willy Loman is a zombie.
It's everywhere.
If we hadn't passed that bill,
what would you, what could we have instead?
[Conan] Yetis.
[Bley] Yetis?
Yeah. Yetis. You know, the Abominable Snowman.
A big foot. Something.
Just, does it always have to be a zombie?
And guess what they eat? Brains.
When you have zombies over for dinner, you never, you know.
You have them over dinner?
You have them over?
When you have them over for dinner,
you better have fucking brains,
a big, a lot of brains in a bowl.
No one's ever like, should we go Mexican?
No, there're brains. We gotta have brains.
It's the zombies, right? Right.
It's just, wouldn't they wanna try Mexican?
You just, you send them an invitation for dinner,
to your house. Okay.
Yeah, and they come.
(growling)
And they come smashing through the door
even though I left it open.
(laughing)
And then I'm like, hey guys,
tonight I thought we'd mix it up I tried Tapas.
(growling)
(laughing)
No, no, seriously. I know we, we have brains.
We're thawing them, but just let's have to.
(growling)
(laughing)
(imitating a zombie)
Tapas. See! Chorizo? Yeah, Chorizo.
Squid ink, rice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, and it's small portions.
Yeah. Bite size. It's nice, isn't it?
Do you want the brains? I'm good.
And he's becoming Elmo.
Elmo, happy.
People put zombies in games 'cause it's exciting.
Like it's exciting to fight zombies.
How would you do against fighting zombies?
Oh, I have it all figured out.
I've talked about this a lot with Andy Richter.
Oh!
Oh.
Yeah. We both have different plans.
Andy has a really good idea, which is, first of all,
I don't know why, in all these shows,
they hang out in hot, humid climates to fight zombies.
Right.
Everyone knows the first thing you have to do
is go to a very cold climate where zombies freeze, right?
My plan was get to Denver airport, the airport in Denver.
Okay.
Because what you want is a big, flat space
because one of, the last place you want to be is in a forest
where a zombie can just come out from behind a tree.
And I don't know why the people in "Walking Dead"
decided let's just hang in Georgia forever.
Go. Leave. You've got a car.
In six days you can be at the Denver airport.
Then you can see for a hundred miles in any direction.
And what you can do is lure the zombies onto those
walking sidewalks, you know, those sidewalks that move,
and lure them onto those, so if even if one gets through,
you lure it onto that, and it's on that thing forever
walking the wrong way.
And meanwhile, you have plenty of food,
and the zombie's there for all eternity
walking in the wrong direction,
and you're in, in Denver.
Which is not the worst place to be.
I love how in depth you've thought this out.
It's all I think about, Sonja.
It's very detailed. And, honestly, not wrong.
You're sitting there munching one of those
great giant pretzels, and the zombie's walking on the thing,
going the wrong way. No harm to anybody,
and he's getting an aerobic workout,
and you're, you're, you're good. Everything's good.
Do you think that you're just making him stronger?
No.
If he's just endlessly on the treadmill?
That's a great, he's getting his cardio in.
Yeah, but they can't build muscle mass
'cause they're dead. So what's happening is
eventually his legs are just gonna wear out,
and fall off.
Oh.
And then he's going to be a torso that's just rolling
on that moving sidewalk in Denver.
And you're like, hey, what's going on?
(growling, imitating a zombie)
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Hey, look, I'm headed down to Starbucks,
do you want something?
Flat White.
You want a Flat White? I'll get you one.
(laughing)
Sona, what's your strategy? Do you have a zombie strategy?
Have you also thought about this?
Oh, just, I'll just die.
I really don't think I'll fight at all.
God.
I think I'll just give in. Except my fate, like.
That's ridiculous. No, first of all,
I think your greatest weapon is your voice.
You're very loud.
Huh.
[Conan] And abrasive.
Huh.
I think the zombies would quickly leave.
Just from me talking?
Yeah, you'd be like, hey, what are you doing here?
Oh, I had an idea, wait. You wanna meet my,
oh, hold on a second I'm getting a text,
and they'll be like, oh let's go.
I'm so shrill. They'll just leave.
So between the two of you,
who do you think is going to last the longest?
Me. Even, even when I'm not trying.
Yeah. Sona's going to last longer
'cause she is a survivor. She is, she's a survivor.
I'm not even joking there. I think Sona
survives anything that comes our way. Sona and Tak survive.
And I'm a red head, I'm an odd, you know,
sort of, genetic outlier.
Yeah.
No one who sees me, in person,
thinks I'm going the distance, so.
(laughing)
If it happens during the summer,
and the zombies don't get you, this,
your sunburn will just end you probably.
It's true.
Like any skin condition will get you
before a zombie apocalypse does.
It'll be heat stroke before any kind of zombie.
Yeah. It'll be heatstroke, and, you know, like,
a Melanoma on someplace where no one ever gets a Melanoma.
(laughing)
It was undiscovered.
He has a Melanoma on his Bicuspid. On his tooth.
(laughing)
That's not, doesn't even seem possible,
but it's spreading rapidly.
Yeah, I don't know. Did you ever smile in the sun?
One time I smiled in the sun.
Conan, do you think you would play "The Last of Us"?
I'm gonna say that I will play the game.
Great.
There we go.
(cheerful synth music)