- When a guy pulls back or acts distant,
it can be incredibly confusing 'cause you're wondering,
"does he like me anymore?
"Is he interested?
"Was it something that I said?
"Was it something that I did?
"Did I screw this thing up?"
And yet having a plan for how to respond
when a guy pulls back can give you confidence
to know that you can handle that situation with class.
So today I'm gonna share with you
two reasons why guys pull back and more importantly,
a three-step plan for how to handle it.
Check it out.
(soft music)
Hey there, this is Mat Boggs,
the founder of the Love and Relationships Division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love
and that includes your love life.
So if you like this video,
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So now what are the primary reasons
that a guy will pull away?
Now unfortunately, this happens way too often
where I hear stories of you know,
"he's pulled away, he's become distant.
"What do I do?
"How do I handle this moment?"
And there are two primary reasons that a man will pull away.
But the important thing is,
regardless of the reason that he pulls away,
what you can do about it is exactly the same
and I'm gonna share with you those three steps
in just a moment.
But first the two reasons that a man will pull away,
number one, and I'm keeping it real with you,
is that he's just not that into you, he's losing interest.
He's thinking, "you know, this probably isn't for me,"
and that's okay.
And those are the reasons that you'll see a man pull away
earlier in the relationship.
But the second reason a man pulls away is less known
and that is that he's actually contemplating
committing at the next level to you.
A man in...
When he's contemplating,
"do I really wanna take this to the next level?"
In other words, "do I want to propose to her?
"Do I want to marry her?
"Or maybe do I want to be fully exclusive with her?"
He goes through an internal process
that will often cause him to pull away a little bit
so he can get clear on how he feels and what he wants.
And during that time he's asking himself several questions.
He's asking himself the question of
"how do I feel about her?
"How do I feel about myself when I'm around her?
"Am I willing to forego other opportunities that I have
"in order for this relationship?
"Do I have what it takes to make her happy?
"In other words,
"can I provide what I believe that she wants?"
And so as he's getting yeses to those questions,
that gives him the confidence to say,
"yeah, I'm willing to take this to the next level."
Fascinating, a good friend of mine,
one of my best friends actually,
he was dating his girlfriend for a couple of years,
he was getting ready to propose
and at that moment he got cold feet,
he went through this whole process.
He was talking with me saying,
"I'm going through this wild process.
"I've been totally into her these two years
"and now I'm contemplating if I'm gonna get married
"and yet I'm having all of these conversations with myself"
and he was going through that exact same checklist.
I went through that process before proposing to my wife.
And in those moments, you'll see the man pull away
and you give him space to go through his process
and then he will come back
when he's gotten yeses to those questions.
That said, there is a plan you can follow
when you feel him pull away,
that can make the most of that moment
and give the two of you the greatest shot
at creating what you both want.
And what you don't wanna do is manipulation games.
Like where you give him a taste of his own medicine,
you pull away or you act like everything is fine
or you start seeing somebody else
when it's not really what you wanna do.
Any of that is not gonna move you
in the direction of where you wanna go.
Instead, follow this plan.
And I was sharing this plan with a client of mine
named Anita, who's going through this exact same scenario.
She was like, "you know, I'm dating this guy
"and I've just noticed him, he's not calling as much,
"he's not texting as much, he's kind of pulling away
"and I'm wondering what should I do?
"Should I say something?
"Should I reach out or should I not?"
And so there's three steps that she can do
that I offer to you now.
Number one is build the belief,
him or someone even better still.
This is the essence of love abundance.
What it means is that your source of love
doesn't come from this guy, your source of connection
and affection doesn't come from this guy.
You have an abundance of opportunity out there
and you are connected to source,
which is ultimately your source of love.
So when you build the belief,
it's gonna be him or someone even better still.
What it does is it calms down that fear-based reaction
that says, "if you leave I'm gonna be devastated.
"If you leave I'm gonna have less love in my life.
"If you leave I'm gonna feel really bad."
You've got to calm those feelings
because those feelings of fear
actually chase the person away even faster.
Number two is you wanna pay attention
to how he's handling this moment.
So often we get so wrapped up and get him back energy
that we forget to assess
well, how is he showing up right now?
How is he communicating when he's stressed?
How is he communicating when he's in uncertainty?
How is he showing up in this moment?
Because guess what?
If you're looking for a life partner,
you want a life partner who is able to handle
stressful situations with ease and grace.
They're not just their best self when everything is great.
They're able to bring you a level of stability
and communication when they're under duress,
when they're under stress.
And so very important to watch,
how is he handling this moment right now
and is this the kind of behavior that I want
in a life partner?
And number three, and this might be counterintuitive
and it might be a little bit scary,
but I promise you it's the best course of action
and it is go direct.
Go direct and ask him, ask him what's going on
and there's great value in this for a couple of reasons.
In the case of Anita,
I coached her to have this kind of a conversation
where she calls them up on the phone,
don't do this over text, do this over talking
and call them up on the phone and say,
"hey, can I ask you kind of a personal question?"
And he'll say, "yeah."
And say, "you know, I've noticed that you were sending
"these types of texts throughout the day
"and now here's what I'm receiving
"and I really want you to be open and vulnerable with me
"and just tell me what is your intention with us?"
And here's what's powerful about that,
when you ask that question from a place of non-attachment,
from a place of love abundance,
number one it's incredibly sexy, number two it's confident
and number three, you get to see how he responds
in that moment.
You get to see his level of clarity.
You get to see his level of conviction.
You get to see how he handles an uncomfortable conversation,
which is exactly the level of skill set you want
in a lifelong partner.
Someone who can be grounded and clearly communicate
in those moments.
So there you have it,
three steps that how to handle any pull away moment
because remember this, to attract the right guy,
you've got to be willing to scare off the wrong guy.
Half of manifesting that great relationship
is saying no to the wrong man more quickly.
And always remember that your right man
is coming into your life faster than you can even imagine.
And my question for you is
what strategies have you found are effective
when a man pulls away or becomes distant?
Go ahead and post those in the comment section below.
I appreciate you, thanks for watching and I'll see you soon.
(mellow music)