How to get over those commitment issues. All you need to know is the steps and
with understanding, you can make a big difference in your life. Watch closely.
Have you ever been in a place in your life where oh you just didn't want to
make a commitment there. You know, you just you just unsure. You're kind of in
but you're not. Oh, but wait. What about your friend who won't really make a good
clear decision? Won't make a commitment? But wait. What about that person you're
dating? Wow, that can drive you nuts. So, here it is. It could be us, them, the
situation. But how'd it get over these commitment issues, right? Like what
is going on? How come people get so gummed up and won't make commitments?
Well, it it actually makes sense. There's no real mystery behind this. But I'm
going to train you on what to look for here and what you can do to be able to help
improve your own level of commitment. And also, help others so that they can be
better at their commitment. Either to the relationship or to the project or to the
team or to the family. But when we're not doing very well with commitments, we can
cause some problems and you probably... I think the reason why you clicked on this
video is because you're facing some challenges right now. Either personally
or with somebody else who's doing this. So, let's check this out. The first reason
why somebody's going to struggle with commitment is because there's an unknown.
If I say I'm going to do this, what's going to happen? And because there's an unknown,
what do people normally do? They turn it into some scary thing and all
these directions that it could go. And and it just gets scary to them. So, to
avoid the whole possibility of being in a scary situation or a situation they
don't know how to handle, they just don't commit. They don't commit to the
relationship, they don't commit to the team, they don't commit to their part. And
they won't fulfill their part. But it's really a fear-based because of the
unknown. So, here's something to think about. What if when you're talking to
this individual, what if you could help them see the bigger picture? What if you
could help them imagine the possibilities in a positive direction?
You see us as communicators, what we do sometimes is
we sabotage the level of commitment of others is because we don't explain it
well enough. We only give a small detail and then expect people just to jump in?
No way. They're going to see the unknown. They're going to see that, they're going to
experience the fear-based experience and they're just going to back out, not
participate, not even be in on it. So help the person have a vision of where it is
you're going. Another way is to turn the wandering or wandering into deciding. Now,
how do you do this? How do you how do you change this into where they can actually
make a decision? That comes from options. If we... Instead of us wanting some of you
to just commit to one thing and we're and we're only presenting one thing, it's
why... It's why is to be able to present options to a person. Would you like to do
this or this? That way they have an option of committing to this or this
because if you only present one option, then they're either out or they're in.
And if it's unknown, they're out. So, let's pretend like you, you know, let's say you
have kids and and you're saying, "Hey kids, oh you know, I really need you to really
tell me right now that you're really going to clean your rooms and really do all
your chores." Well, you're going to see your kids kind of waffle back and forth like,
"Well.. Uhm..." And then here's another way to approach it.
"Hey kids, would you like to do your chores and work on chores for 6 hours
or would you like to do your chores and work on it for only an hour and a half?"
See? Now you gave them an option. 6 hours or an hour and a half. They would
go, "Oh, I'll do the hour and a half." See right there, just giving them an option
helps them commit to what is that they're willing to do. Because it's not
an in or out. It's a which one. So that can help when offering the options or
the choices in front of an individual. Now, the mind, when it doesn't want to
commit to something or be committed, it has a lot of what-if scenarios. And so,
when the person you're working with doesn't you know, seem to want to make a
decision. What you can do is you can just open up the conversation and say to the
individual, "Okay, tell me what your what-if scenarios are. What are you
thinking? What do you...? If you do this, what do you think will happen? And what
what's the different storylines that you're thinking of?" So, an uncommitted
person has different storylines that say, "But what if this? But what if this? But
what if this?" And there's at least three or four of those stories swirling around
in their head. So, as a dad, a husband, a friend, a mentor, a business owner. I've
learned that when somebody's hesitating and they're not making a decision, I know
they have what if stories. And so, I'm going to open it up and go, "Okay, tell me
what your what-if concerns are." And then they realize I understand where they're
at. And you can do this with children. Anybody. You can do this anybody. But help
them open up their what-if stories so you can answer questions and clarify.
It's just another way that they have the unknowns going on inside their mind. But
what if stories will cause a person to be in that fear-based place too. Then
they won't make a decision. Next one, help the person make smaller decisions or if
it's you, and you're tough you know it's difficult for you to make decisions and
commitments where you're going? Well then, start out with small decisions. Don't
just go to the big decision. I had a a woman talk to me and she said, "Kirk, how
do I get this guy to marry me? He won't commit to marriage?" And I was like, "Whoa!
Hold on. Do you do you commit to any small stuff first?" And she goes, "No. As
soon as I met him, I started talking marriage with them." I was like, "Wow, you
got to slow that way down. Maybe commit that you're going to go on a date. Commit
that you're going to spend some more time. Commit that you're going to meet each
other's families. Commit." Just start out with smaller steps. When it's too big of
a decision, no wonder people back out and they don't get in on this and make a
commitment. So, make smaller decisions. Now, if you have a tough time making
commitments, when you wake up in the morning make small choice
in the morning. I'm going to eat scrambled eggs for breakfast. And then you go do it.
I'm going to be ready by 8 o'clock and then you go do it. I'm going to listen to some
music. And then you go do it. When you make a choice and you fulfill that
choice, you're building up your momentum of being committed to your choice. And
you can notice that you're okay. Then all these small decisions, you can
make choices and it works. That builds up the confidence and build up the
self-esteem there. That you can... If you can do the small things, you can do a
little bit bigger things. Sometimes we need evidence that we can do this and
not the whole entire world falls apart on us. Now, another reason why a person
would not be committed and have commitment issues is because of past
mishaps. And sometimes those past mishaps are unfinished. Meaning that they're
still on our mind, we still feel bad for them, we're still maybe paying the price
from that experience and we don't want to repeat that story. And so, what you can
do to help iron out and kind of put together those past mishaps so that they
can finally just come to rest inside your mind, just a journal about those
stories. Journal about your thoughts and feelings of what happened. And here's the
secret behind the journaling part. Write down the lessons learned. If we can't
solve a past story, an option to be able to help calm that story down is to find
lessons learned from it. Because if we can learn from the lessons of what
happened then we actually found value going through that experience. And then
the mind will actually calm the story down and file it away. That way, it's not
in our thoughts distracting us from the commitments we can make right now in our
life and moving forward. And so, a journaling process to write down the
stories and then find the lessons learned. It's a great way that just helps
calm everything down. It's super nice to do that for yourself and for the people
that you know who are struggling with this. So, for you, moving forward... A great way to
build the power of being fully committed to whatever you choose to do is to have
a better story about who you are. Literally where are you going? What are
you building? What do you want to create? Like who are you? What kind of
characteristics do you have? What look... How do you treat people? How do you love
people? How do you forgive people? Like, who are you in the future? When we lose
sight of who we can become, it's tough to make decisions. But if we could open up a
story about what we want to become and what we wish we could be, then it
actually helps us be more clear about making decisions and making commitments.
So, I think this last one here about writing a story, maybe the part that's
going to help unlock you or your friend. But if we don't have a story of
ourselves and seeing how we're going to be the kind of things we'd like to do, we're
going to back out. It's going to be the unknown. And when it's the unknown, we get nervous
and scared and worried about it. And then we don't make decisions and we're not
committed to what we're doing and you get the rest of the story. So, along this
way of learning these steps here, that takes some work. And as you go to do
the work, just know that everything I'm training you with has been tried and
tested and it works. But it doesn't work if you don't do it. It works if you do it.
And in this experience of you know, when it comes to commitment issues, it can
cause a lot of damage in relationships. And really create some loss of
opportunity. And so, don't let this just set there in the back of your mind and
just be there and just let it just mess up parts of your life. Do something about
it. And if we can help, you know, with any further education, here at 3 key
elements, we would love to support you and be able to serve you. We've got some
great live courses here in Salt Lake City. And also we got great YouTube videos.
Subscribe to what we're doing here. So you can get the rest of what we're
sending you. Which is going to just be an ongoing story of training for you.
Subscribe to the YouTube channel. You'll notice that these topics are real and
this great timing and it helps you have better understanding.
Well, from myself Kirk Duncan and our 3 Key Element's family, I want you to know
that as you are committed in where you're going in your life and you can
make decisions, Wow. You are in charge of your lifestyle. And that's powerful.