-Hey, everybody, we're at the Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club
here in Brooklyn, New York, and we're about to day drink
with the Jonas Brothers! -Hey!
-And since I'm at a disadvantage,
I brought in my brother Josh
and my brother in case of emergency Jack McBrayer.
Say hi, Jack. -Hey, y'all.
-All right. Cheers, everybody.
-Cheers! -Thanks for having us.
-Of course, very happy to be doing this.
-Of course, cheers. Cheers, gents.
♪♪
It's time for "Day Drinking." Ugh.
♪♪
-♪ Hey ♪ -All right. We're going to start
with a round of drinks in order of our brotherhood
in birth order.
So in honor of Kevin and I, the oldest,
this is going to be a drink called The Firstborn.
We're going to start with a 30-year-old Glenfiddich.
We're gonna also have a little O'Doul's
because we're drinkers, but we're also responsible.
We're going to also throw in some Alka-Seltzer.
Josh and Jack, can you help me
drop one of those in each of these?
-Wow! -Ooh, yummy.
-Thanks. To the firstborns!
-To the firstborns. -You did it!
-Wow.
-Ahh. -Oh, boy.
-What was the good part?
[ Laughter ] -All right. This is in honor
of Josh and Nick.
Here we go. -Oh.
-The babies will be served in a baby bottle.
-Ha-ha. -Crazy.
-I like it. -Babies love chocolate milk.
We're going to replace that with some Kahlua.
There we go. Let's get some Hi-C juice in there.
Put in a little rosé because that's mom's favorite
just like the youngest.
There we go.
All right. Bottles up, everybody.
-To the babies. -To the babies.
-Enjoy your nipple.
-Mnh. [ Laughter ]
-That is...not awesome.
-This fully sucks.
-All right, guys. The middle child,
no one's put any thought in you for years.
You're the forgotten child.
-Right. -True.
We're putting no thought into this drink at all.
We're just going to randomly pour stuff in here.
-This might be laundry soap. [ Laughter ]
I'm a little scared.
-Going to put some of this in.
Nobody cares. He's the middle child.
It doesn't matter if we screw him up, we've got two more.
-Are you drunk yet? -Um. Getting there.
-All right, everybody. Here's to the middle child.
-Middle child!
-Confusing. That's confusing.
-That's fair. -Definitely pineapple.
[ Laughter ]
-Let's play some games. -All right.
-Okay! -The way this works
is I'm going to show a famous brother to the Jonas Brothers.
If they get it right, one of us has to do a shot.
If they get it wrong, one of them has to do a shot.
And let's get started.
Let's find out how well the Jonas Brothers
know other famous brothers.
You guys, tell me who these brothers are.
-Oh, they're, uh... Oh, you know.
If you guys don't get this right,
you're gonna drink so much in this game.
-I don't know. -You guys,
this is the Marx Brothers. -Ah.
-Wait. -Which one of you
would like to do a drink? -Be happy to.
-All right. This is Villa One Tequila.
-It's so good. -It's so good.
-Nick, true story, this is your tequila, right?
-This is my tequila. -That's great.
What is the slogan for Villa One?
-"Life as it should be." -"Life as it should be."
-You know what? This is life as it should be.
-Well, life as it should be is you'd know
who the Marx Brothers are.
Okay, guys, who's that?
-The Wright Brothers. -Damn it!
How do you miss the Marx Brothers
and get the Wright Brothers?
I'm going to start. I'll do this one.
-Go ahead. -Villa One.
"Life as it should be." [ Laughter ]
-"Life as it should be." -Oh, we're in trouble deep.
-Mnh!
[ Singing off-key ] ♪ Life as it should be! ♪
-What? [ Laughter ]
-"Life as it should be." -Oh, right, yeah.
-Okay, ready, guys?
-These guys killed a bunch of people.
-Allegedly, allegedly.
-Wait, so you -- Like I have -- you're the oldest.
I want to see if your younger brothers can name these two.
-Mendez Brothers. -God!
-Wait. What'd he say? -Wait. Say it again.
-Mendez Brothers. -No.
-You're thinking of -- You're thinking of
the very innocent Mendez Brothers.
And not the incredibly guilty -- -Menéndez Brothers.
-I'm sorry, we were looking for Menéndez.
-Sorry. -It would be like calling you
the Jononases. [ Laughter ]
-Hey, you know what this is?
Everybody to camera.
Life as it should be.
Hi, it's time for more dumb stuff.
This is a new game. -Oh, wow.
-All right, so these are the Jonas Brothers' heads.
These are hairstyles they've had over the years.
And we're going to match those hairstyles with their heads.
And if we get it right,
the Jonas Brothers have to tell us if we got it right.
And if we get it wrong, we have to do a shot.
We didn't come up with a title for this.
Jack, what would you call this game?
-Hair!
-"Hair Goalz." -"Hair Goalz."
"Hair Goalz"? -"Goalz."
-"Hair Goalz." Hey, it's time for "Hair Goalz."
-Yeah! -Okay, I do know one.
-Okay, do one. -Go for it.
-Ohh! I feel very confident, all right.
I feel -- I feel good about that.
-Wow. -Well, let's just look at it.
-Yeah, let's -- Ew! -Aah-da-da-da-dah!
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, that doesn't look right. -That's not right.
-Yeah, yeah, got to flip it. That's a fliparoo.
-Jonases! This is our final answer.
Are we right? -You're wrong.
-All right. -Wrong, wrong.
-Okay, here's to you guys and your bold choices.
-"Hair Goalz" with a "Z."
-we're not just out here trying to make you look bad,
we've also had bad haircuts over the years.
So please come up here and play...
-[ Hammering ] -What's happening?!
-I don't know. Oh, boy. Oh, no!
-Okay, we're cool. We got to be cool.
-It won't work. -Here, we do this.
-I don't think that's going to work.
-It will once you do that.
No, no, no, no! -Oh!
-Ohh! -It's okay.
It's just spatial awareness. -It's a smart choice.
-Get out of here! -I know.
I'll be honest. If or when you guys
decide not to have hair anymore, you'll look pretty good.
-Thank you.
-You're talking about all of us, right, Joe?
-N -- Mm, um, hmmmm.
Yeah. -I'm bad at magnets.
-I swear to God. -I want to see the real thing.
Hold on. -I know. I already know.
-Does it take you guys this long to write songs?
[ Laughter ] -Even longer,
and they're all hits. [ Laughter ]
-Touché, sir. -We've committed.
-Cheers. Yeah. That feels right.
-Hey! -Yeah!
-♪ You say ♪
♪ What can make me feel this way ♪
♪ Shuffleboard, shuffleboard, shuffleboard ♪
♪ Talking about shuffleboard ♪
♪ Shuffleboard ♪
-Hey in honor of the new Jonas Brothers single
"What a Man Gotta Do," we're gonna play
"What a Man Gotta Do" shuffleboard.
Here's how this works.
You pick a biscuit with one of our faces on it,
you shoot it down there.
We will with ours with your faces.
Anyway, it'll -- it -- Uh, it'll become clear.
Okay, you guys go first. Nick is picking Josh.
Good luck.
-Too light. -Weak!
-Hey! -No, we're going to keep going.
All right. Now I'm going to play a double of Nick.
Here we go.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
-Wow! What do I got? -Social. Everybody drinks.
-Oh! -Cheers, cheers.
Between the legs. A very rare -- a very rare move.
Oh! Very -- oh!
I'll finish yours. -Oh! Jesus!
-Whoo! -[ Whistles ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yummy. -That's classic, Seth,
right there. -We good?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-What'd you get? -I played my part.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Don't say I didn't play my part.
[ Laughter ]
-Joe is going to have to do some --
[ All cheering ]
That's nice. -Let's bygones be bygones.
-To Cambridge Analytica!
[ Laughter ]
-That's a good one. I like that.
-Oh, that's pretty! What is it?
-Heck yeah! -Oh, yeah!
-[ Humming "Seven Nation Army" ]
-Jack, again! -No!
-More gin?
-[ Humming continues ]
-This is very exciting. We're going to each draw
a title of a pop song out of here.
And then we have five minutes...
-To go write a pop song.
-All right. I got one. You got one.
I'm going to show mine.
-I'm in. -All right. Don't say it.
[ Laughter ]
Okay, okay. You got yours? All right, all right.
And now we're going to go take five minutes and write a song.
-Okay. -Done.
-All right. -Easy.
-You know what, though? I might --
Oh, no! -Shut up!
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-♪ Hey ♪
-♪ I'm crazy, I been ♪
[ Stammering ]
-♪ Promise made ♪
-The sun is in zenith. Things are good with my penis.
[ Laughter ]
[ All singing indistinctly ]
-Oh, I love that. -I got one.
"Sun comes up and I'm ready to drink."
-♪ Promise, baby, I -- I'll never make you cry ♪
I'll make you die. I'll never make you die.
No, no, no, I'll never make you die.
-That's heavy. [ Laughter ]
-♪ Drunken moon, I'll see you soon ♪
♪ I got nothing to do in the afternoon ♪
-I know, we're rhyming. -Shh! Nobody knows.
-I got nothing. -We got to do a bridge, too.
That's how a song works.
-♪ Maybe it's the love, maybe it's the touch ♪
♪ Maybe it's the drugs ♪
[ Vocalizing ]
-What time are we going up there?
-How much time we got left? You got your 5-minute pop song?
-"Nine" is "N-I-E" -- "N-I-N-E." -Yes.
That's how you spell "nine."
-All right. Can you read it to me, and I'll write it?
They're going to put this in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
-Correct. -Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the stage the McBride brothers!
-Whoo! -And this is "Drunk At Noon."
♪♪
-♪ It's still light out ♪
♪ Which seems like madness ♪
♪ I'm drinking Coors Light to mask my sadness ♪
-Yep. -♪ Still no darkness ♪
♪ But I'm ready to drink ♪
♪ I don't care what my parents think ♪
-♪ Hey ♪ -♪ The sun's up high ♪
♪ It's at its zenith ♪
♪ And everything's good with my penis ♪
♪ I'm drunk at noon, I'll see you soon ♪
♪ I got nothing to do this afternoon ♪
♪ Because I'm drunk at noon ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Not bad. Not bad.
-Now please welcome to the stage the Jonas Brothers
Who will certainly not beat our song with their new song
"In Bed by 9:00."
-1, 2.
♪ Baby, I ♪
♪ I'm feeling fine ♪
♪ Baby, let me in, I want to feel your skin ♪
♪ Do you want to 69? ♪
♪ Baby, oh ♪
♪ I've wanted this all my life ♪
♪ Let me lick your toes, I want to blow your nose ♪
Baby, I'll have you back by 9:00 ♪
[ Laughter ] -Yeah, unh.
-♪ 69 ♪ -♪ 69 ♪
♪ I'll have you back in bed by 9:00 ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That's the Jonas Brothers, who clearly won
writing a pop song in five minutes.
Hey, whoa! Oh, my God. You guys,
this has been an incredible afternoon,
and we would like to say, this has been "Day Drinking"
with the Jonas Brothers and the Meyers Brothers
and Jack McBrayer.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]